Friend constantly cancelling plans

[Joder]

Hi All,

I'm a busy mum with a full time job so as you can imagine my down time is very scarce!

I have a friend who is constantly making dates for coffee with me and then cancelling on the day! I am beyond frustrated at this point, as I make arrangements for my kids to be minded.

She's gotten so bad that I don't even bother making childcare arrangements anymore as I know she will cancel!

If I keep saying no, she moans she never sees me.

I feel like just cutting her off now. Would I be unreasonable for this?

I just feel shes very high maintenance. She doesn't work and her kids are grown up, so she texts everyday and is always looking for 'favours' (lifts to places as she doesn't drive and lately she has started looking for money). I am drained!!

God yes, bin her off. I have no idea how people have the time or energy to put up with people like this.

Who has the energy for game playing?

Just tell her. She always cancels and its pissing you off.

Get rid. She's a flaky disrespectful user

I had such a friend ,drop her now !!!

I had a friend who did this constantly, to the point I ignored her texts, voice mails etc. After she tried to make out to other friends, I was the one cancelling (at the time a single mum to twins, I needed a night out!) I cut her out completely.
Some people just aren't worth the stress or the negativity, I didn't miss her company either.

I actually did this once!
she wanted a lift to a hospital appointment and that day I cancelled. I didn’t feel guilty at all!

She cancels because she’s ’having a bad day’, or ’her head is all over the place’!! No solid excuses

No, never!

I work in a school so I have the summers off, and she knows this!
She kept asking me to drive her or one of her adult children to hospital appointments and I did it once. But she expected me to wait around for hours and then drop them home again 😡
I never did it after that one time, I told her it was far too uncomfortable me.
TBF, I’m not a pushover, and I’ve no problems with saying no when it comes to favours! Only because I would NEVER ask anyone to do that for me.

meant to say, it was far too inconvenient for me!!

good for you!

Thank you all so much for replying, It has helped a lot!
My husband thinks she’s a user and tells me not to bother. I’ve known her since we were 5 and I guess I feel a bit nostalgic about our friendship throughout the years, but she is really pushing all my boundaries now!
We lost contact in adulthood and are only back friends the past 5 years, just before covid.
I can’t be doing with it anymore, I’m just going to be honest and say no to meeting up.

I was used in this way ,it was a relief to leave it behind ,a burden lifted

My policy with Flakies is three flakes and they’re out.

"Cutting off" always sounds a bit dramatic, I'd be more inclined to be honest that you don't want to make plans with just her because of the number of times she's cancelled. Obviously this may have the same effect!

Just let the friendship fizzle out - sounds like it's come to the end of a chapter.

Is this a recent change? Because your friends sounds a lot like me; luckily my friends always tell me it's okay if I want to cancel on the day. If it hadn't been for my friends noticing a difference in me and being understanding I can honestly say I don't believe I would be here today!
I have anxiety and depression; I want to go out so I make plans to go for coffee etc but it comes to it I can't always leave the house.
If it's a recent change please check in on your friend, invite her to your house/go to hers, etc.
Not everyone who cancels plans is flakey

Sounds like someone who like me is suffering from depression! Maybe just be kind and ask if there's anything she wants to talk about?

I could have written this myself! I have a friend who is exactly the same, I work everyday and she has no job but manages to find time to go shopping every day but a quick coffee (that she pesters me for!) and she'll cancel an hour or so before she's meant to arrive!

So your friendship consists of giving her lifts and money? Really?? Come on your not that nieve? The answer is sorry I don't have any spare cash and sorry I'm busy - be strong your being used.

Op I volunteer somewhere where a lot of people don’t show up for scheduled appointments.

<wonders what the hospital appointments were for>

Op this doesn’t make this person your responsibility in any way shape or form, and you are totally within your rights to drop her as a friend, but if I had to guess, I would say this person is struggling with some form of hidden disability or disorder such as a mental health condition like anxiety or depression, possibly linked to some form of undiagnosed nd such as adhd; she may not even be aware of it herself? Or she is suffering from addiction issues linked to suppressing anxiety or a personality disorder or something along those lines?

Imho, no one cancels like this at the last minute repeatedly because they just can’t be bothered and if they were capable of being very busy doing other things they wouldn’t need to ask for lifts or money.

Extreme poverty can also make people really unreliable.

They are probably deeply ashamed, in denial, or too proud to admit they have a problem.

They sound like their circumstances are getting worse if they are desperate enough to ask for money.

I had a friend like this and she caught me on a bad day, pestering to meet up.
We agreed a time & place then as I was typing it into my calendar a list of all the previous meet ups came up and all the recent ones had - cancelled next to them.

And I found myself saying "so what shall I put down as your reason for cancelling this time? Headache, hangover, you're just not feeling it, you forgot?"
She blustered & said I don't cancel so I scrolled back and listed the last half dozen or so times we'd agreed to meet, all of which she'd cancelled.
Then I just said " I don't think there any point in going through this game any more. Look after yourself & have a good life. Goodbye" and put the phone down.

She immediately sent a mass of texts which I deleted & blocked her number.
I will not put up with self centred people any longer - my life is as valuable as there's & deserves to be respected.

I also gave up on the friend who was always late. And by late I mean amininmum of half an hour, usually more.

The get rid immediately. Ghost her. Are you that desperate for friends?

Good grief OP- this person is a complete fuckwit.

Why are you worrying about this? drop her like a shrivelled dog turd and spend time with people who value you and care about you. I wouldn't even waste another 5 minutes on this user of a person

I’ve got a friend who is terrible for cancelling plans. However, it’s not that she’s a shit friend, it’s that there’s stuff going on beneath the surface (health, elder care, etc.). To the world she’s a stepford wife, but to those who really know her, we know a lot of it is an act. So I cut her some slack, but don’t revolve my life around her. She cancelled on me twice this week and changed plans once. I just assume it’s not going ahead until it does tbh. It’s a bit weird, I grant you, but our time together when we manage it is glorious, and she’s always fully engaged. But also she’d never ask me for money / lifts etc. so a slightly different dynamic.