Did anyone go no contact with siblings after death of parents?

[PassingStranger]

Just reading the thread about sibling being difficult and people saying when the estate is settled you wont have to talk anymore!
Has this happened to people do they keep a relationship going because a parent/s was alive, then ditch it when the parent dies?

Oh is no contact with siblings for good reason, however his parents had both passed by then.

I am NC with my (half) sibling. It was after a parent's death, but I'm not sure it was a matter of 'going no contact'. It was more that he wasn't really involved in my life before my dad's death (he had been in and out of my dad's life for a long time anyway) and we weren't raised together as had different mums.

Had my dad not died young (ish), I probably would have bumped into him from time to time at a family thing, but after my dad died, there was really no reason we would have kept in touch or anywhere we would have seen each other. And on top of that, he was a massive arsehole. I didn't hear from him again after the estate was settled and rarely even think about his existence. That's been about 24 years ago now.

I can see if you weren't close to begin with, why would you stay in touch if you don't have parents organising those interactions? I imagine it's less of an intentional thing and more of a lack of interest and initiative for many people.

I was non contact with my older sibling before my mother died. Then she didn’t visit and didn’t help with the care and didn’t attend the funeral. Just sent me a rude email. So as far as I am concerned she no longer exists.

I was very LC before the passing of a grandparent, with both one of my biological parents and two half siblings on that side

My life has become infinitely easier and I feel like I can actually breathe more easily now

My parents were very ill and needed a lot of care before they died. My dad lived with me for the final 3 years of his life. My brother who actually lived closer and was retired (a practicing Christian apparently 🙄) really didn’t want to be involved in their care.
After my dad died he moved without telling me and has gone non contact with me. Not of my making and I did not benefit but my dad reduced the amount he left my brother and his children who hadn’t bothered with him either. I expect he blames me for this. It’s been 5 years now and I have become accustomed to my reality.

My dh didnt. It was minimal contact after his Mum died, but he's not spoken a word to his brother since he left the wake, following his fathers funeral

Yes. Been LC for a few years for various reasons (them being toxic for one) and them harassing my relative for money as he lay dying 😡After the funeral I text a few home truths about them taking thousands of pounds. They didn't know I knew about this, relative told me,really upset. Been NC for 5 years now and it's been bliss.

I only had contact with my brother because my parents were elderly and ill, and then settling the estate. The day the estate was finalised I knew we'd never speak again, and I don't regret it

Myself and db have had big big issues in the last few years and lost/let contract go but recently met up at a funeral, went to the pub and sat chatting for the night and then started gradually meeting up again. We met each other’s kids for the first time in ages and have kept it going.

I think it’s easy to just let things go (I hate the term nc because it’s like you’re dumping someone when in reality you can just slide out of people’s lives without it being a drama) and if you don’t want to keep in contact- if you never had good memories or if you just don’t like them then fine, but I think people should be sure so that they don’t end up at the funeral of a sibling wishing they had later years together x tough decision x

I only put up with my siblings bullying and controlling behaviour to keep the peace but now both parents are gone I have no reason or desire to ever see them again.

My dad and my uncle were never close (big age gap plus boarding school meant that they have very few childhood memories together). They also lived hundreds of miles apart as adults.

My parents assumed that once my gran died then they would quietly move to Xmas card contact only and that would be fine.

But then they were sorting out the estate together and were surprised how much they liked each other. My aunt and uncle also behaved very honourably about the will (basically the opposite of the thread you are talking about where they insisted on paying the money back even though it had been a gift and my parents would never have known if they hadn’t said).

And so now they make an effort to travel and see each other once a year.

We have a suspicion that my grandmother liked the relationship going through her and so subtly discouraged them building anything of their own.

Yes, this happened with my mum and her brother. So close as children, it was a shame but we saw it coming. Neither family has anything to do with each other.

Yep. Me and my brother. Limped along for years as adults then after mother died we stopped. We don’t like one another. It’s too complicated.

Yes, sister, she had my father change his will hugely in her favour.

Yes. My sister, vile woman, much older than me & bullied me all our lives. Didn't speak to me for 10 years after my last parent died. Then a niece died (not her child) & she tried to reel me back in. That's when I text her all the reasons I wanted no contact with her ever again. Was surprised she tried to reel, to be honest, I was happy letting it drift. But once she'd tried the reeling, I was quite glad of the opportunity to tell her to shove off. It's bliss not having that spiteful witch in my life.

My mum did.

In fairness she hadn't had a lot to do with her sister for years. When DGM was ill, they saw each other a lot more.

Just confirmed for my DM that her first decision had been correct, they rapidly fell out as soon as DGM had died and that was that.

We wouldn't know if her sister was alive or dead now and this bothers my DM not at all.

Actually DM went NC with her younger half sister (and foster sister) because they behaved appallingly towards her and her half sister (the sister of the first one) when their father died and their stepmother had to go into a nursing home as she had dementia. The younger half sister behaved appallingly at the hospice when their father was dying too.

This woman though, she's since divorced her husband, who was abusive to her throughout their marriage and she met him at a young age. I've been in touch with her and she's perfectly nice, friendly and chatty to me. DM and her other sister though, don't want much to do with her.

This will be a similar situation with my DM and her half sisters. One lives in Paris and her sons live in London and SE England. The other half sister (who's estranged from her sister) lives in SW England but she doesn't want to know anything about her half sister so when they both die neither of them will know about the other dying. Unless of course we say something.

I think the younger half sister would in theory agree to some form of LC with her sister but the older one wouldn't do this.

Yes. Best thing I ever did. I don't even want to know the evil cow is dead, assuming it happens before I pop my clogs. I don't care.

My DF died at 54 and then my DM was killed in a car accident several years later. DB and I were LC before then, never got on. No other siblings. After DM's death we had to come together to organise the funeral, sell the family home and wrap up the estate. Then we went LC again and I haven't seen him now for over two years.

Yes - so much this! I'm much closer to my siblings now that my mother is ill, and I strongly suspect that she has been 'gatekeeping' communication for years - as did her mother before her.

I went casually NC with my brother after the last of our parents died. I’d never been able to stand his wife, for over 30 years, as she was/is a tantrum throwing nightmare, and I just dropped it all.

All good. 👍

I suspect when my mother dies that me and my siblings won't keep in touch. We're very different and too much has gone on over the years. I think my mother has finally realised she can't force us to get along so has stopped trying. To be fair to my sister she was helpful when my dad was sick, and I expect she will help out if/when my mother becomes frail. We will likely sort out the estate and then not bother with eachother.

I went with a friend to her mother’s funeral. In the car afterwards she said to me : ‘ Now that’s over, I’m so glad I will never have to see my sister again’. And she didn’t.

I'm thankful (if that's even possible) thatmy mum has opted for a direct cremation so I'll not have to see my brother again.

I have no contact with my older brother. My DM died in late 2011 and I've been NC with him since early 2013. So complicated I won't even try to explain why.