Did anyone go no contact with siblings after death of parents?

[PassingStranger]

Just reading the thread about sibling being difficult and people saying when the estate is settled you wont have to talk anymore!
Has this happened to people do they keep a relationship going because a parent/s was alive, then ditch it when the parent dies?

Oh is no contact with siblings for good reason, however his parents had both passed by then.

Both my brothers live in Australia and make little effort to keep in touch. We all get on great when we do see each other. Mum died last year and I stood with my eldest brother in her garden asking him to keep in touch, he promised he would before heading off and not making any effort at all. Dad is still alive but I won’t be making that call
when the time comes. My family is odd, I think we had a fairly normal upbringing but we don’t act like “ family”!

Pretty much. Not deliberately, just didn't get in touch.
Sibling let me know my parent had died by sending me a text, which I thought was poor.
Existing parent will probably outlive me.

Sibling was always the golden child, and after the parent's death I no longer felt part of the family.

I went nc with my arrogant bullying older brother after my mother died in 2010. He sexually abused me for years when we were kids. Wish I could've done it years earlier but family pressure would've been unbearable. Just moved away instead.

You're lucky you got a text, my sibling didn't call but asked their son in law to ring me.

A few posters have mentioned 'gate keeping communication'. This definitely rings a bell. It's only now, looking back at my relationship with my 2 older brothers that I can see that my DM did this. I also think she practised 'divide and rule'. I know this will sound bad,but I really do think that she stirred up a certain amount of animosity between us, thinking that if we were at each other's throats,it gave her more control over us. Sad really.

I suspect my DB and I will no longer be in contact once my DM dies. We barely communicate as it is.

Both parents dead, and mutual no contact with one of my siblings. We spoke sporadically before our remaining parent died, and last time we were in the same room was at our father's funeral.

The only time I did make contact was when I found out I had cancer and told her she was eligible for genetic testing - I have an inherited cancer. She didn't acknowledge my cancer or even wish me well, and proceeded to tell me I was wrong about her eligibility for testing. After several missives from her telling me I was wrong, I gave up.

In a way, I had hoped cancer would heal the rift, but now, no interest in ever speaking to her again.

God, I'm so sorry. There was a big article on sibling sexual abuse in the Sunday Times. According to the article, it is far more common than we realise. Have you ever thought about exposing the piece of s**t? I hate to think of people getting away with this sort of thing. x

I have 3 Brothers and we are all very different. Dad died last year and we all rallied round for our Mum. Whilst we all get on we have nothing in common and outside of our Mum do not really keep in touch, once she has gone I think we will all drift - sad really.

Some people really are born bad. I've seen this time and again in big families. My grandmother was lovely, and so was her brother, but her other sister was a vicious, evil little monster. In fact, she was one of the worst human beings I have ever met. My grandmother had terrible mental health problems, bless her, and instead of supporting her her sister did everything she could to make her feel worse. It was staggering to watch. She was so twisted with jealousy she was insane. In those days, people didn't go NC or even use the phrase. Thank god things have changed. I have nothing to do with that evil little woman's side of the family.

I was so happy when the estate was finally settled, knowing I would never have to speak to my siblings again.

When my grandparents died their three children all went no contact and never spoke to each other again. One of them died a few years ago and his wife didn't tell the two remaining brothers - Dad found out purely by chance over a year later. At the time he didn't really speak about it but shortly before he himself died, in hospital, he kept telling Mum and I that the dead brother had been to visit him then became upset when he remembered he couldn't have. He still refused to see his other brother who was still alive although he did say he'd think about it, but then it was suddenly too late.
What I'm trying to say is to think very carefully before you slam the doors shut as sometimes it's too late to open them again when you actually want to.
I did let the third brother know that we'd lost Dad and invited him to the funeral but he didn't reply and didn't come. I always liked my uncles and am really quite disappointed that they were just so twatty in the end.

I'm guessing the contact will fizzle out pretty quick after the estate is settled - whenever that may be. Never been close.

I expect I will.

I thought I was close to my sister. When my Dad was dying, she took his will from his filing cabinet; opened it and went into the care home where he was dying of cancer (aged 64) and asked him to change it. He phoned me crying and saying he felt violated. He died two days later. That was the last conversation I had with him.

There was a raft of other things going on but when my mother dies I want nothing to do with any arrangements, funeral, decision making or anything.

My sister's actions during this time completely changed my perspective on her character and integrity. It broke my heart actually.

When Dad died I had just left my husband (with women's aid and so on involved). I had a hoover from his house as I was starting over completely with furniture etc.(I asked them for it) When I visited her and her husband they would make little barbed and mocking comments about the hoover. They also kept small gifts he'd intended for friends. They have a nice lifestyle and her husband earns good money.

I hoped we could resolve it but have accepted we never will. I've accepted who she is and what her priorities are.

So, I don't plan to go to my mother's funeral will not have anything to do with her arrangements and anticipate never seeing my sister again. The thought of going through that again when my mother passes is beyond hideous. I'm not close to my mother anyway, she has supported my sister through this (as well as a whole heap of other stuff) on reflection, with distance, both my parents are weak willed and have enabled my sister to become the person she is.
My Dad especially.

My sister has a carefully and beautifully curated life that she has worked hard to cultivate. Occasionally I look at her Instagram which has a blue tick. Recently she was dancing with flowers to Beyonce texas holdem and putting motivational quotes up about empowering women.

Good for her.

I wish her well and don't imagine ever seeing her again. She is who she is.

I am who I am.

Interesting comments from other posters about parents gatekeeping contact between siblings. My mother did this I feel. Very much needed to be involved in our relationship at different times. All very toxic and manipulative. I'm glad to be out of it and to be able to spend a little bit of time with my mother at arms length.

I don't tell my mother anything of significant that is happening in my life as it probably gets regurgitated and fed to my sister....; or anyone else.

It's all really toxic. No one needs it.

Yep. Went NC with my three siblings when my mum died in 2018. Previously, I'd have said we gone on pretty well, although not very close.

My youngest brother was always a tad envious that my career had gone very well, whilst his was stagnant even though we are in the same industry. Lazy bastard didn't want to put the effort in that I did.

When my mum died he reported me to the Police saying I'd been abusing my POA and stealing my mum's money. All lies. I met with the officer dealing and she agreed nothing untoward. And I never had POA at any stage!

Unfortunately, he'd convinced my other brother and my sister of my stealing. Mind you, they aren't the brightest of people.

Hope they rot in hell.

Same here. He is unable to see that he is the problem.

My ExP has two older sisters, but he and the eldest sister are NC with the other one. Apparently, she was OK until she married a dodgy lawyer (he was so crooked he was nearly struck off), and the pair of them did their best to con the others out of family money.

ExP last saw this sister at his mother’s funeral nearly 20 years ago. I used to worry that he’d regret not making up with her before it was too late, but now I don’t think he will.

Parents died unexpectedly within 2 years of each other. No big fall out but DB was never one to make any effort despite living 5 mins away, I used to arrange stuff but since probate got sorted I can’t face it. Despite a clearly worded will he dragged it out for 4 years refusing to sell the family home claiming he would buy me out. In end I had to force the sale and I knew at that point our relationship would never recover. We’re civil if we see each other but now I see him differently - a spoilt brat who always had a hissy fit and doled out silent treatment to get his own way which our parents indulged for fear of him going NC

I miss his kids and am truly gutted all the cousins don’t have a relationship