How do you deal with this type of colleague??

[inneedofaglowup]

Moved into another team around 6 months ago, one of the more senior team members is just unnecessarily mean.

She is older than everyone else in the team think 60+, she is very catty, she is not a very friendly member of the team. She cannot seem to cope without there being some drama within the team. When she's not around everyone is calm and respectful and gets on absolutely fine. But she brings this horrible energy with her and expects people to be Yes Men around her. She does not get on with my direct manager and everyone knows it

I guess what my question is how to deal with this type of person when I know on more serious stuff I'm going to have to work with her? I don't know how to approach her. I don't want to suck up to her and agree when she is saying negative things about my colleagues because I know other people in the team do do this just to kind of get her off their back I suppose. I get a feeling of dread whenever I see communication from her.

how do others in the team cope with her?

They just agree with what she says whether it's good or bad. But from what they have told me when someone has disagreed with her or not done what she's asked she immediately turns on them. They're not her "favourite" anymore. I mean I don't give a crap about being her favourite. I don't care about coming across as distant and cold. I just don't want it to ruin any dynamic. I'm there to work at the end of the day right. She just makes me feel so uncomfortable

well then crack on with what they do ie nod and smile

Just unfair that someone thinks it's okay to be like this in the work place. That playground behaviour imo is dead. You can't be the office b and think it's okay.

well clearly many colleagues for many years (how long has she been there?) are happy to suck it up

it doesn’t sound like a team i would want to be in. A nasty manager and everyone just appeasing her.

It will foster a nasty gossipy culture that i suspect you will see more of in time

She does not get on with my direct manager and everyone knows it

is she his boss or other way around? how many in the team?

That's it people just allow it so she shuts up kind of thing. Work wise yes she is good at what she does but everything else is just nasty.

She is nobody's manager she's just a more senior person in the team with the "Senior" title.

You don't have to agree or disagree with her @inneedofaglowup surely? Unless she's asking you what you think, you can stay silent.

How many people in the team that suck it up?

how long has she been there?

That's it people just allow it so she shuts up kind of thing.

i really wouldn’t want to work in this team

a nasty manager
a passive line manager
a team that prefer to bitch about her behind her back

There's 10 of us and she's been there about 10 years. Everyone else about 4/5/6 years or so

how much interaction do you have with her if she’s not your direct manager?

Treat everyone the same

Treat people as you wish to be treated

Look out for yourself

I mean everyday she's in the office and only have to work with her when somethings gone up the chain and bigger figures I suppose. But because she's in the office all the time it seems like she makes it toxic. Everyone in my team agrees she's not the best of people and do what they can to kind of just get on. I heard her make a real nasty remark about another manager and everyone just stayed silent. I'm thinking to just report it it was borderline stereotyping her for things the manager is fond of.

Just give less of a shit

Yeh guess you're right.

Email only. Everything in writing.

She is older than everyone else in the team think 60+,
How is her age relevant?

What does “think 60+” mean? 70? 80?

Can you be more specific about what she is actually doing?

Is she your boss/line manager?
Is she your boss’s boss?
Does she just have seniority in the team due to experience or length of service?

If she is making nasty/unprofessional comments to you about other colleagues then report her outwith the chain of command if your line manager is unwilling to deal with it. Hopefully your other colleagues will support you if things are as bad as you say.

If she is just a general moaner then there is nothing much you can do other than avoiding her as much as possible. Ditto if its just the case she doesn’t fit in socially with the vibe of the current team. If she’s doing her job well but is just disliked by the rest of the staff there’s no point moaning about her - it could look like sour grapes and affect you negatively.

yes i wondered that

strikes me that no one has ever been sufficiently peeved by this woman, including management, to do anything. For years.

Which does sort of beg the question… could the problem lie with how the Op views this 60+ woman?

and obviously we’re not going to know that from the Op! 😆

Oh, I missed the ageism element!

Oh wow. There's no ageism. I don't know why I thought it was relevant.

subconsciously