How do you deal with this type of colleague??

[inneedofaglowup]

Moved into another team around 6 months ago, one of the more senior team members is just unnecessarily mean.

She is older than everyone else in the team think 60+, she is very catty, she is not a very friendly member of the team. She cannot seem to cope without there being some drama within the team. When she's not around everyone is calm and respectful and gets on absolutely fine. But she brings this horrible energy with her and expects people to be Yes Men around her. She does not get on with my direct manager and everyone knows it

I guess what my question is how to deal with this type of person when I know on more serious stuff I'm going to have to work with her? I don't know how to approach her. I don't want to suck up to her and agree when she is saying negative things about my colleagues because I know other people in the team do do this just to kind of get her off their back I suppose. I get a feeling of dread whenever I see communication from her.

Or just setting the scene....
Expectations of knowing how to behave by the time you reach that age rather than someone fresh out of school....

would anyone assume that from someone in a senior position?

What do you mean? It's nothing to do with the position really. To put it bluntly everyone should just be nice to one another. I don't understand why there needs to be nasty behaviour from anyone. I find it uncomfortable because it's so unwarranted. When I've thought about it a little more I guess everyone lets it kind of "be" because that's unfortunately the kind of person she is that's her personality. Yes her professional work is good but her personality is so catty. It's unprovoked behaviour and she's just throwing her weight around for what I've seen no good reason.

Urgh. I had one of these. Used to say good morning to everyone except me. If I had to speak to her re work, she'd pretend not to hear me. If someone said something nice to me, she'd counter with a bitchy quip. Eg: Someone admired a new dress I had on one day and she snorted and said... oh I thought you were pregnant. That kind of thing.

When she retired it was the first time I refused to contribute to the collection or sign the card. I found out after she'd gone that I wasn't alone.

but it would seem absolutely no one is or has been motivated to ever say or do anything. Just bitch about her behind her back.

Can you not see that the entire team sounds a mix of toxic and passive. including management

you will get no where if you say something. no where. because no one will support you. so you will look like the outlier.

It doesn't sound like she creates a very pleasant atmosphere at work.

Sadly, with these types, there's very little that can be done. Some people are just like this and once they have seniority at work, it can make it very difficult to challenge even if they're not in a manager role.

The only thing you can do is focus on yourself. You can't control her or what she says. If you have to work with her, keep it all professional and as much chat as possible from your side-work-related, and if she says anything nasty about others, just ignore it. Don't smile and nod. Just point blank ignore-and back to the task at hand.

The issue with the smile and nod is that, even if you're not directly saying you agree with her, she'll take it as agreement and confirmation that she's right. People like this I think thrive on the reaction of others-good or bad-so by giving her no reaction, you're cutting off a source of "enjoyment" for her.

I know all that is easier said than done, but if your manager is unwilling/unable to deal with her behaviour (and I assume they're aware?) then there's no reason that you should be dealing with it or taking steps to manage it. Some people just thrive on being nasty people and there's very little that you can do about that. It's a shame that management aren't taking a proactive approach to stamping out the nastiness, but that's on them, not you.

Agree with all your points. Management are aware of her behaviour and behind her back it seems like a united front that she is disliked and not great as a person (even management) But yes I agree to just take a back seat and get on with what I need to do.

I have one of those. Has to be right. Her opinion is the right opinion. Even regarding things that have already been done and can't be changed, she keeps haranguing people that they should have done it her way.
At first, I also tried to ignore it, but she just will not go away until everybody has agreed she is right. So now I just treat her like she would be a normal person, and in similar situations tell her that 'well yes that's an option, I considered x and y and took a different decision'. She usually goes and complains to the manager, who doesn't like her either, so all she achieves is pissing him off too.

what a pathetic and toxic organisation

ODFOD, repeat as needed.

do you work?

Do you ever listen to what she has to say? Is there anything constructive? She has a fair bit more experience in the place than the rest of the team.

I, too, am a 60+ member of a team. We have a new, younger, manager who, despite being with us for six months already, has not spoken to any of the team individually. Just a couple of times collectively. Most of us are 60+. They have not taken any time to check out what we've done with the rest of our working lives, how we came to be where we are, what skills we bring with us or the extent of our corporate knowledge. Shame really, because their attitude pisses us right off and no way are they getting the best out of their team.

what do you do may i ask?

i imagine magament must be thinking of succession planning if most of the team are 60plus?!

@FunnyFinch - Higher education admin. Academics are just a bunch of amateurs when it comes to management. I did suggest succession management at a performance review three years ago but it was refused as an option.