Why are so many parents anti-school?

[DrowninginMaryBeardsBeard]

I'm a member of a few homeschool/ unschooling groups as I like their ideas and I want some tips to encourage learning in every day life. My kids go to school. This isn't perfect and both have gone through stages of school refusal. They are genuinely happy now.
But in generally, schools are good right? My kids do so much more at school than I would be able to offer. They have trips, forest school, sports, technology, science labs, art supplies. I could never provide all that.
I get that there are many SEN kids who can't attend school and I have so much sympathy and empathy for those parents and kids. But parents who call school 'twelve years of prison'? Where's the justification for that?
Is it due to the parent's bad experiences? Wanting to be in control?
Term time holidays?
Plus there's the problems with socialising, monitoring screen time, getting them into university with non standard education? It seems like it's quite an extreme choice and I'm not sure I understand it? Most of these parents went to school, so how can they know that not going to school is best for their children? Where are those children's points of reference when they see children go to school?

I'm ok the fence. My kids love school.

However school as a concept is a bit bonkers. Everyone is supposed to learn in the same way and kids are put with other kids they might not like but have to put up with. The curriculum is often a bit random and they don't often get a chance to just think about things they enjoy or chill out. It can be hectic and chaotic.

Because their kids being bullied at school? Otherwise I don't know any parents who think schools are '12 years of hell'.

I think parents who dislike school often dislike the sense of hierarchy and submission to authority involved.

Not many parents are anti school. You are interacting with a disproportionate number of anti school parents because you are a member of homeschooling and "unschooling" groups (what does that even mean...!)

Ps, just leave those groups if they are making you uneasy. Simples

Most of these parents went to school, so how can they know that not going to school is best for their children?

Presumably they are comparing their past experiences with their children's current experiences and deciding the latter seem better. That seems logical. I'd say it's much harder to decide whether school is a good idea for your child or not if you haven't been, and yes, I speak from experience!

I suppose I was once considering home education because my daughter was so distressed at school drop off. I feel such empathy for parents where they have been forced to home educate. I don't really understand why anyone would choose that life for their child. I guess it's because you can't go forward in time and ask them if they were lonely or bored or felt like they missed out.

You could ask the parents in the groups, they’d be best placed to explain.

Former teacher here. I think you need to leave these groups. You don't share their values and it sounds like you're judging them for their different perspective.
And FYI plenty of homeschooled kids go to uni. They can take the same exams as other kids as private candidates. So I'm not sure you've actually educated yourself on the thing you're criticising.

Pun not intended.

However school as a concept is a bit bonkers. Everyone is supposed to learn in the same way and kids are put with other kids they might not like but have to put up with.

I think the idea that the world should be constantly tweaked in a million different ways to suit every individual's different preferences and quirks is completely unachievable and actually undesirable. It's the product of an increasingly extremely individualistic society, and it creates people who are intolerant of others' viewpoints and ideas, and incapable of adapting to different environments and cultures. Of course you have to put up with people you don't like, and things you aren't enthusiastic about. That's not just school, it's life!

It's not that schools don't have a lot of issues these days - they absolutely definitely do! But having to encounter kids you don't like, and not having a curriculum tailored to your individual needs (barring serious SEN) are not what's wrong with the system.

For me it's the utterly ridiculous rules, which seem to amp up over the years. Mine are in primary at the moment so it's bearable but the high school is all locked toilets and not allowed to remove your blazer etc. A friend of mine has a son in year 9 and he got an after school detention because he turned around when the person behind him fell noisily off their chair. It's treating kids like military automatons that's annoying.

I'm gearing up to potentially homeschool when they move to high school. I'll see how it goes and how they settle but I'm making changes now that will enable me to do it if I need to. They'll still sit the exams etc.

I think the idea that the world should be constantly tweaked in a million different ways to suit every individual's different preferences and quirks is completely unachievable and actually undesirable. It's the product of an increasingly extremely individualistic society, and it creates people who are intolerant of others' viewpoints and ideas, and incapable of adapting to different environments and cultures. Of course you have to put up with people you don't like, and things you aren't enthusiastic about. That's not just school, it's life!

This. We have to put up with shit that we don't like. Its called society.

For me it's the utterly ridiculous rules, which seem to amp up over the years. Mine are in primary at the moment so it's bearable but the high school is all locked toilets and not allowed to remove your blazer etc.

I'm afraid that schools are sometimes grasping at straws, in the face of unmanageable levels of bad behaviour and/or constant low-level disruption. Some headteachers subscribe to the view that fairly draconian rules on minor issues creates a more disciplined culture, which filters through and reduces more seriousbad behaviour. I don't agree, but they have to try something,and their powers are very limited.

I suspect many of these Heads are trying to copy what schools like the Michaela school do, but that really isn't doable without massibe parental support of the discipline policies (which Michaela has, by all accounts).

"My kids do so much more at school than I would be able to offer. They have trips, forest school, sports, technology, science labs, art supplies. I could never provide all that"
All of those things are accessed by home ed kids, probably more than kids in school. A large portion of home ed kids go to forest school every week and they definitely get more trips out! I think you need to actually know lots of home ed families and what their weeks look like before you judge. A lot of ex teachers are home educating their own children now. Do you wonder why?
Have you seen the new advert on TV? The one that says "Mental health has declined 40% in school children" You don't have to be anti school to see that there is a massive problem in the education system at the moment. On this site alone, there are countless posts about problems in schools and unhappy children.
So some parents have decided that they can do better themselves. Home ed kids are just as likely to go to University as school kids.
You are literally in groups that are critical of the school system. That's why are you seeing these views. Home ed parents aren't constantly posting in general groups about how bad a choice it is to send kids to school and yet people are often in general groups criticising the choice to home ed.

This. We have to put up with shit that we don't like. Its called society

What makes you think that home educated children don't have to put up with that?

Home schooling definitely not for me, I work for a start full time Monday - Friday so wouldn’t have worked. The only people I know who do it have kids with SEN. That said I think there’s a lot out there now socialising wise for home educators - they meet often in groups etc so I don’t think it’s as isolating as some imagine. Some might do some tutor sessions too. One of ladies I know who does it strictures it quite like school. He enjoyed school but they couldn’t accommodate his needs and he’s improved so much in many areas since she took him out of school. Someone else I know just did it for last 2yrs of primary as they secondary was great for his SEN

What makes you think that home educated children don't have to put up with that?

Of course they do. Everyone does. That's why people are taking issue with the post that was suggesting that school is bonkers because it means kids have to put up with people and things they don't like.

But in the workplace we work with people we might not like but have to put up with.

We're quite often given work which is a bit random and we don't have a lot of time to just think about things we enjoy. Definitely not much time to chill out!

And life as an adult is often hectic and chaotic.

To me you make school sound like a great preparation for adult life!

@Fionaville with respect mental health issues in all areas is up around 40% we are just generally very unhappy and stressed these days.

Home schooling can be fine. But the extreme anti school HE are either people who themselves had a bad experience of school and think nothing has changed in over twenty/thirty years. Or parents whose child is a nightmare and refuse to accept their child does anything wrong. Or control freaks who expect every adult who cares for their child to care for them exactly how the parents wants - these are the parents who complain about ordinary language used to correct a child's behaviour because it is not the words they would use.

There are HE whose children have had a bad experience of school, usually parents with SEN children. But they do not use the extreme language you are talking about.

@mantyzer that's why I posted. I find the extreme ones are unhinged in their hatred of a system they haven't had experience of in thirty years.
I'm completely in agreement that school isn't for all, especially those with SEN.

I do know what you mean. I have seen these extreme types talk about what their child does at HE clubs and stating that they would never do that at school, when it is an ordinary activity at schools these days. When I started school at 5 we were sitting at individual desks in rows, things have changed a lot.