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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious family abuser is around children in pics

39 replies

fitch568 · 20/08/2023 20:58

15 years ago a 'member' of my family (by marriage) sexually abused a child in my blood family. It happened once. He admitted it and went to prison for it. I believe he was put on sex offenders register for life afterwards but I'm not sure as i was not that close to it all... fast forward & today I've seen him in pics on fb at a 'family gathering' where we have a mutual member of the family. There are a few girls there the age of the child he abused. He's posing happily with them. At least 3 other people in the pictures know the history. Maybe he's not 'dangerous' anymore.. I've no idea. But if my child was around someone with the history this guy has, I would like to know. I am so tempted to anonymously call it out somehow on the fb post. Guess I'm posting here to get it out of my system. What would others do??

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 20/08/2023 21:03

Call the police.

Report all the adults who were present to and report this man too.

Bonniethewestie · 20/08/2023 21:05

So to get this straight your family are still seeing him despite him admitting that?? Jesus. Can’t believe they would accept him back.

It looks like it depends how long he went to prison for over how long he would have had to sign the sex register for. If he went for less than 30 months then he will be off now.

Can you speak to the parents of all the kids in that photo and let them know?

Original poster
fitch568 · 20/08/2023 21:07

Really? What if he's served his time and the probation service have deemed him safe? I've no idea of the full situation hence my hesitation & I guess some part of me can't believe the other adults around would allow this if..but then again... there's def some 'minimising' of the situation all round (inc me I think) as it's so horrendous.

OP posts:
Testina · 20/08/2023 21:08

If the probation service have deemed him safe, you lose nothing by at least telling them.

Original poster
fitch568 · 20/08/2023 21:08

He was sentenced to 5yrs. I don't know the kids in the pictures - just a couple of distant relatives who are 'on his side' of the family at least - hence me wanting to say something on fb!

OP posts:
Original poster
fitch568 · 20/08/2023 21:09

Who do I tell?

OP posts:
Dolores87 · 20/08/2023 21:09

I second calling the police.

Greenshake · 20/08/2023 21:10

When was he sentenced?

Original poster
fitch568 · 20/08/2023 21:10

Dolores87 · 20/08/2023 21:09

I second calling the police.

About 13yrs ago. He's been out & free for yrs.

OP posts:
JibbaJab · 20/08/2023 21:11

I don't know but does being on the register weigh in at all.

I would want to know myself if it was my children.

Nagado · 20/08/2023 21:13

Do you really believe that the people who commit these crimes can be rehabilitated?

I wonder whether he has any restrictions about staying away from children? I think I’d contact his local police station. Maybe the NSPCC could offer some advice on who to call? If parents are knowingly letting a convicted sex offender near their children, then Social Services need to be involved.

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 20/08/2023 21:14

I rang ss and nspcc once when exh had a convicted SE relative round. Apparently it was probably nice for the dc to see said relative....
*said by an nspcc member..
I had no words honestly..

Tilllly · 20/08/2023 21:15

I'd let the police know
If he's in breach of his release conditions, they'll deal with it

bellac11 · 20/08/2023 21:15

Quite often the restrictions in place are that the offender shouldnt have unsupervised contact with children aged x or y or under 16 or under 18

Sometimes, there are stipulations that the parent is required to give consent for the offender to be around their children

I think it would be right to contact probation tomorrow and ask to pass information on that he has been seen in the company of children albeit with their parents. Probation will then follow up if this isnt permitted.

Original poster
fitch568 · 20/08/2023 21:20

@bellac11 do you know if I need to contact a certain probation number?? I've no idea how the system works.

OP posts:
Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 20/08/2023 21:22

Child protection social worker here. Please contact your local MASH (social work referral team you can Google) and talk through with them. You can be anonymous. If it has been assessed then no harm no foul. If he hasn't then you could be safeguarding these children. I used to manage a MASH team and we would definitely look into this to consider any potential risk. We would be seeking information from probation to understand potential risk as speaking to parents to understand their understanding of risk, how they manage this and from that make a decision if further assessment and support is needed.

Greenshake · 20/08/2023 21:22

If he was released years ago and was only sentenced to 5 years, it’s unlikely he is still under Probation supervision. It’s still worth calling them though as they will be able to speak to the relevant police team.

bellac11 · 20/08/2023 21:23

fitch568 · 20/08/2023 21:20

@bellac11 do you know if I need to contact a certain probation number?? I've no idea how the system works.

I would phone the probation service for where he lives, you'll need to do some hunting online for where that service covers.

Original poster
fitch568 · 20/08/2023 21:25

Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 20/08/2023 21:22

Child protection social worker here. Please contact your local MASH (social work referral team you can Google) and talk through with them. You can be anonymous. If it has been assessed then no harm no foul. If he hasn't then you could be safeguarding these children. I used to manage a MASH team and we would definitely look into this to consider any potential risk. We would be seeking information from probation to understand potential risk as speaking to parents to understand their understanding of risk, how they manage this and from that make a decision if further assessment and support is needed.

Thank you, I will do that tomorrow

OP posts:
Original poster
fitch568 · 20/08/2023 21:28

Thanks everybody for the advice & sanity check. My blood is boiling looking at pix of him having a fine old time when the child he abused has had a difficult life ever since.

OP posts:
BlueWhale47 · 20/08/2023 21:29

If his sentence has ended he won't have a probation officer anymore. I would call the police if he is on the sex offenders register for life he will have a police officer allocated to his case - depending on what area he lives in the officers are called different things. You can google this and find out what they're called where you live. Also it's worth mentioning that even if his sentence has ended this doesn't mean he's "safe" just means the sentence has ended.

Greenshake · 20/08/2023 21:30

Well done for being so on the ball OP. A lot of people would have ignored this. Hats off to you.

Wibbleswombat · 20/08/2023 21:32

I would think a sentence of that length would be a lifetime sex offenders listing and there are strict stipulations on what he can do. Defo contact people as advised above.

Notanotherone5 · 20/08/2023 21:35

Do you know / can you work out the parents in the photo? You at least need to message them and let them know his history

Original poster
fitch568 · 20/08/2023 21:42

Notanotherone5 · 20/08/2023 21:35

Do you know / can you work out the parents in the photo? You at least need to message them and let them know his history

They're all related to him but beyond the three I def know, I'm not sure what the others have been told. I don't know them all personally. I think some of them might be his nieces. At this stage I don't want to be the one blowing it all up again publicly as the fall out for my side of family was/would be again catastrophic. I just don't want him around kids if he's not meant to be..that said, he did what he did when he was v young & troubled it may well have been a one off horrific misjudgement on his part - he 'may' be rehabilitated- I've no idea. I just know the pics made my skin crawl. What I'd really like to do is post anonymously on the pics 'are you all aware this man went to prison for sexually abusing a 10 yr old'....

OP posts: