Annoyed with partner, not sure if I'm being unreasonable though

[AIBUorNOT1]

Got a night out with a few colleagues and ex colleagues this Friday, was chatting about it over WhatsApp with my partner (LDR currently), and he said "ah yes, Jemima, Rosie, Clementine* and the old bird". Yes she's older than us but I'm pretty annoyed that he referred to in this way, and I told him so, he's now gone quiet with me.

It's really grating on me the more I think about it, he's never said anything similar before and we do have a good relationship, but am I right to be annoyed? Would it annoy you?

*not real names

If the situation was reversed and you said oh you mean John, Peter, Steven and the old fella. Is it really something to get annoyed about?

I’d be “the old bird” in this situation and it certainly wouldn’t offend me.

I wouldn't say that though, if I didn't know his name I'd probably just say the other bloke or the other women who's name escapes me.

I know it's not the end of the world but it just sounded really disrespectful

There's nothing offensive about it at all. I think you're taking issue where there isn't one.

Agree with the above - I think you’re being a little precious here I’m afraid

It's not a nice thing to say but not something to get upset or fall out over. I'd have just said, oh don't be mean clementine is lovely or something, so if that's the worst thing he's ever said then yes YABU.

Unless you think he's got a mean side and he's been hiding it from you and this was a slip up?..could be the case with a LDR or maybe I'm reading into it too much!

Perhaps older woman would’ve been more suitable but not everyone speaks the same 🤷‍♀️

I couldn’t get exercised about it.

I don't know why but old-bird like in a pairing is less offensive to me than the old bird. Does he refer to women as birds? Or is it she's a funny old bird type? It depends is it in the context where you can imagine one of the famous five saying it or dirty den saying it akin to that old slag.

OP, deep down do you have anxieties about getting older or being seen as “an old bird” and this has touched a nerve? On it’s own it doesn’t really seem something to get upset about so I’m wondering if there is more to it?

YABU. You have to pick your battles and this is not one of them…

No I have no anxiety about getting older, hasn't touched a nerve, I don't think he's got a mean side, he doesn't refer to women as birds usually.

I can't really put my finger on why it annoyed me, I just read the message and thought it was a bit mean. We haven't had a row about it or anything, I just said that I didn't like the way he referred to her as an old bird, her name is "Joanna". Radio silence since.

I take on board all your comments though, I'm not going to fall out over it and yes, I'll pick my battles in future

The LDR situation is temporary, we've been together a while but he's had to go away with work for a few months so no worries on that score

I'm with you op. I hate women being called birds, old or otherwise.

Christ, stop looking for reasons to be offended 🙄

@AIBUorNOT1 I'm with you on this one. Both words are unacceptable. I'd want to talk to him about it-I certainly wouldn't let it past. BTW, I haven't read the thread, but I would put money on most people saying that it's absolutely fine. That's because their standards are too low. Not that yours are too high!

You care for your fiend, maybe he isn't concerned in any way.

I have already acknowledged I may have overreacted, Christ 🙄

Isn't concerned about what?

@AIBUorNOT1 You haven't over reacted.

@Anyport Are you suggesting that it's OK to use language like this about someone if they aren't your friend?

Yes, but why are you looking to be offended in the first place?

I would think it was a bit grim too, OP. My DP can be a bit thoughtlessly/subconsciously misogynistic sometimes (unfortunately I think a lot of men can) so I occasionally have to pull him up on it. He always listens to my opinion and respects my point of view. I think how he reacts to your opinion says more than the original slip up, tbh.

Ex-SIL used to say that women are known as birds because of the worms they pick up.

I can't really put my finger on why it annoyed me, I just read the message and thought it was a bit mean

As above, I wasn't looking to be offended.