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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have a disturbing habit of spying on the FB/life details of people?

49 replies

porridgeisbae · 10/05/2023 13:47

I try and find out details about people!

For instance, the (30-something) adult children that I never met, of an ex from 26 years ago! Other people in the past too.

Have you ever been like this and did you try to cut down on it?

OP posts:
Original poster
porridgeisbae · 10/05/2023 14:32

Just me then? 😂

OP posts:
Mosaic123 · 10/05/2023 14:33

They've chosen to put that information into the public domain.

I don't call it spying.

TeenDivided · 10/05/2023 14:34

Mosaic123 · 10/05/2023 14:33

They've chosen to put that information into the public domain.

I don't call it spying.

I agree.

TheFluffiestHobo · 10/05/2023 14:38

I'm extremely nosy. Been caught out a few times though by accidently liking pictures! The worst was ds's teacher's husband 🫣

Xrays · 10/05/2023 14:39

Oh I am nosey. My dd aged 20 and I do this a lot. All sorts of things. We laugh about the things we find out. If people are stupid enough to put so much information online then that’s their fault. 🙈😆

Gabby10 · 10/05/2023 14:41

Yes! It annoys me when I can't find stuff out even though I have my own profile on private 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

SisterSister23 · 10/05/2023 14:44

Yes I'm terrible for this. With ex's every now and again. Or people from school. Just because I'm nosy and like to see what people are up to/look like now! 😂

Original poster
porridgeisbae · 10/05/2023 14:46

@TheFluffiestHobo Oh dear!

@Mosaic123 @TeenDivided I'm glad if you think it's ok. I do go to some lengths/time to find out the various things. I'm mid 40s so I suppose people slightly younger might find it easier and be able to find stuff out more quickly.

I tended to concentrate on FB as that's my main one, but with Instagram, some people seem to share more personal details of their lives. After finding out something from that, a quick look at Linkdin 'helped' me a lot this time. 😂

Maybe I should read novels about people instead.
-----
One of the people I 'spied' on, I did happen to see at one point a few years ago (the 20-something daughter of my favourite tutor at college many years ago.) I didn't 100% seek her out though, she worked in a bar and I just happened to go in that bar. I didn't approach her or anything. She did look like her dad.

OP posts:
Original poster
porridgeisbae · 10/05/2023 14:54

My main ex I search around, doesn't have much of an online footprint at all, so frustrating. But his wife seems to be on FB now, maybe without telling him, Smile There's a pic of her with a man's shoulder to her side which I assume is him, but the rest of him cropped out. I suppose I could guess how fat he is now from it. 😂

There are no pics of him at his daughters' weddings or anything. So either he banned them from putting any pics of him up, or he didn't go to the weddings.

Hey you could help me with this bit- admittedly 'Daz' isn't on FB, but on father's day his daughter put 'Happy Father's day to the best dad in the world, Rupert!' (her husband.)

Does that sort of imply she's not that keen on her actual dad? I'm not even that close to my dad, but I would never deliberately not mention him and mention someone else instead as the best father in the world, it'd seem like a snub/appearing I really disliked my dad to me. At most, I would mention both my dad and my husband (if I had one.)

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SeulementUneFois · 10/05/2023 14:59

Yes likewise 😂

YouveGotAFastCar · 10/05/2023 15:04

This doesn't seem to be a healthy level of curiosity... And you seem to be creating a lot of narrative around him.

After finding out something from that, a quick look at Linkdin 'helped' me a lot this time.

Did you remember to go into private mode? If not, they'll be able to see that you looked.

I wouldn't presume that a wife on Facebook when her husband isn't had created one without his knowledge; or that a daughter not mentioning someone who isn't on Facebook on their tribute post didn't have a warm relationship with them. The latter seems quite common, and the former has no basis.

DiscoBeat · 10/05/2023 15:14

I do have a habit of going on rightmove when I hear someone bought a house, and virtually 'snooping' around it.

WeWereInParis · 10/05/2023 15:18

I do this. Mainly random people I went to school/uni with that I suddenly remember and think "I wonder what they're up to".

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/05/2023 15:20

I Facebook snoop on an entire extended family and their friends who live just outside of Cleveland, Ohio, none of whom I have ever met, and who I only alighted on because of a comment one of the adult daughters made on a post in an international group I happened to be looking at. The comment was so beautifully bonkers I felt compelled to find out more about its maker, and thus began my trip down the rabbit hole of this family.

“Snoop” is the wrong word, really: they and most of their friends all have wide open profiles with no privacy settings and they happily post and share all kinds of too much information about their lives and struggles and have Facebook arguments and it passes some of my idler moments. It’s an insight into life among people I’d never meet in my day to day life in a place I’d never visit, and I feel oddly protective of them: they are simple yet good people. It’s almost at the point I feel I should send flowers for their family funerals and birthdays, but that might be going too far.

Other than that I only really google or FB search old colleagues out of interest to see what they’re doing with themselves nowadays. There are often some surprises.

xyxygy · 10/05/2023 15:22

Yeesh...I don't know where you folk get the mental bandwidth to do it - if anything, I wish I knew less about people and actively try to avoid finding stuff out.

I'm partly horrified that people do this, and partly in awe of their ability to keep track of it all!

ByTheSea · 10/05/2023 15:23

WeWereInParis · 10/05/2023 15:18

I do this. Mainly random people I went to school/uni with that I suddenly remember and think "I wonder what they're up to".

I do this sometimes too.

WeWereInParis · 10/05/2023 15:25

porridgeisbae · 10/05/2023 14:54

My main ex I search around, doesn't have much of an online footprint at all, so frustrating. But his wife seems to be on FB now, maybe without telling him, Smile There's a pic of her with a man's shoulder to her side which I assume is him, but the rest of him cropped out. I suppose I could guess how fat he is now from it. 😂

There are no pics of him at his daughters' weddings or anything. So either he banned them from putting any pics of him up, or he didn't go to the weddings.

Hey you could help me with this bit- admittedly 'Daz' isn't on FB, but on father's day his daughter put 'Happy Father's day to the best dad in the world, Rupert!' (her husband.)

Does that sort of imply she's not that keen on her actual dad? I'm not even that close to my dad, but I would never deliberately not mention him and mention someone else instead as the best father in the world, it'd seem like a snub/appearing I really disliked my dad to me. At most, I would mention both my dad and my husband (if I had one.)

I see loads of people describe their partner as "the best mummy/daddy in the world"

Tellmeimcrazy · 10/05/2023 15:26

Hell yes, I've had a nose! It doesn't ever run my life but I have done this x

Original poster
porridgeisbae · 10/05/2023 15:34

I do have a habit of going on rightmove when I hear someone bought a house, and virtually 'snooping' around it.

@DiscoBeat Ooh I did that once with a random from college. It feels odd, doesn't it?

I Facebook snoop on an entire extended family and their friends who live just outside of Cleveland, Ohio, none of whom I have ever met

@ComtesseDeSpair Lol! Are they particularly amusing and weird/dramatic?

have Facebook arguments

Ha! It sounds like a soap.

Yeesh...I don't know where you folk get the mental bandwidth to do it - if anything, I wish I knew lessabout people and actively try to avoid finding stuff out.

@xyxygy I think that'd be better 'mental hygiene.' I should probably stop doing it really, my brain would have more headspace for Jesus. 😀

OP posts:
yoga4meinthemorning · 10/05/2023 15:37

All the bloody time.

It's a time filler.

Original poster
porridgeisbae · 10/05/2023 16:14

@yoga4meinthemorning I imagine there are better ways we could spend our time. It's a time waster really.

OP posts:
XBealtaine · 10/05/2023 16:38

I googled an x and nothing came up, except a heart surgeon. That clearly wasn't him, so I googled "shady mcfucker convicted" and I got a hit.

LAMLC2011 · 10/05/2023 17:07

I stalk the social media of people all the time! 2 or 3 regularly, it's a bit addictive 🫣

mosiacmaker · 10/05/2023 17:11

There is one particular girl I went to primary school who never left our home town, appears to have married high school boyfriend and now has three children and just seems so content living literally 3 doors down from her parents that I love to spy on.

She is a great, creative mum and her posts are often quite funny, she seems very happy but our lives are soooo different. I find it soothing and I think she would be incredibly surprised to know that the other day I looked through all of her photos to check where she had been on holiday 😂

Thepeopleversuswork · 10/05/2023 17:16

The only person I've ever really seriously snooped was my horrendous upstairs neighbour from hell who harassed me and made my life a nightmare for many years doing things like sending spiteful messages on the local WhatsApp group and erroneously calling the police and council because of minor bin management infractions.

She has moved out, thank God and is now a highly unsuccessful "beauty influencer" and self-styled "womanpreneur" who makes toe-curlingly embarrassing videos for Instagram featuring herself lying in the bath with awful memes about skincare.

I literally want her business to fail and am not ashamed to admit it. And I get a sick pleasure from watching her made a fool of herself on the 'Gram.

There, I've admitted it. I may be going to hell but by God it's worth it.