To ask if you have a disturbing habit of spying on the FB/life details of people?

[porridgeisbae]

I try and find out details about people!

For instance, the (30-something) adult children that I never met, of an ex from 26 years ago! Other people in the past too.

Have you ever been like this and did you try to cut down on it?

I’m literally the opposite and I don’t care at all what people are doing 😂 I wouldn’t judge you or think it’s weird because you’re probs more normal than me. We do have a full busy house though, not a lot of time to ponder! (But enough to come on mn apparently)

I sometimes have a nose at people I've fell out with 😳

I love looking up people I used to know. A few years ago I looked up people I went to primary school with and found a few that I wasn’t particularly friendly with. They had posted loads of pictures, I was surprised to see I was in most of them. They had a long discussion about me, one had met me years ago and told them that I’d gone to live in x country and was doing all sorts of things. I did bump into this person years ago but none of what she told them was true. But, it was all very positive if bemusing.

I googled "shady mcfucker convicted" and I got a hit.

@XBealtaine Wow. I was googling one and what was once his baby brother, got 12 years for things like filming women and children secretly, putting semen in a woman's tea, all sorts of things. But not the actual bloke himself. I think they got a w*nker gene though. Apparently he was awful to his wife, walked out on her and the kids leaving them with no money etc. She's in a same sex relationship now eventually.

@Mosaic123 Why not friend request her? I have a few old school acquaintances on there and they feel like kind of real friendships. One from college I met up with the other month after 29 years. It was great.

A girl from school I was planning to meet up with, but she suffers from anxiety. She wanted to bring her husband and son along (neither of whom I've met) as I imagine that'd be more reassuring for her. But that'd be anxiety provoking for me to meet up with someone I haven't seen for 30 years plus two randoms at the same time. I might brave it eventually.

And I get a sick pleasure from watching her made a fool of herself on the 'Gram.

@Thepeopleversuswork Lol! Is she really not very good? Do you think many people are impressed?

There is an ex-friend I watch, but she seems to be doing quite well 'unfortunately' (except she had cancer but it was caught very, very early.)

One ex deleted his Tumblr, maybe because of me, which was frustrating. He will have another Tumblr he's using, I imagine. He just mainly reposted hallucinogenic art on there though, which isn't my thing at all and told me nothing juicy.
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Do any of you ever message the people associated with them? I had a good convo with the semen-tea-brothered-one's ex wife and we bonded for a few weeks.

I wouldn’t judge you or think it’s weird because you’re probs more normal than me.

@Mangogogogo No, your way sounds more healthy really. You probably get more done.

I did bump into this person years ago but none of what she told them was true. But, it was all very positive if bemusing.

@Amortentia Bizarre! Did she used to come out with unlikely stories when you were younger, too? Didn't you feel like chipping in to the convo and saying you wished all that were true or something? It's nice to think that people thought of you fondly and wondered how you were doing (presumably in a non-malicious way )

@porridgeisbae there was no way I was going to join in. They were a tight bunch all through school and I’d look like a crazy stalker if I just appeared in the conversation ( although I was actually behaving like a crazy stalker 😂).

I was going traveling so I think she got the wrong end of the stick and embellished the story a bit. But it was all very nice, thankfully.

No but as i hardly ever post anything it probably looks that way!

Genuinely laughed out loud at this

No. that sounds a seriously over invested thing to be doing.

This doesn't seem to be a healthy level of curiosity... And you seem to be creating a lot of narrative around him.

I agree with this.

I did it a while back with the people who I was interviewing for a job (in fairness, a job where an open social media profile would be inappropriate- working with extremely vulnerable teenagers).

One of our questions was about privacy/ safety/ safeguarding.

A chap turned up at the interview and I knew everything about him- from his dog's name to his username (think "drugs are the best" type name), and even very detailed information about his most recent hospital stay.

He was living his life through Facebook with no privacy filters.

He gave a very correct answer to the question, but he didn't seem to apply it to himself. I didn't tell him I'd done it, but suffice to say the woman who did get it had an extremely closed profile.

I’m adopted, recently found my dad’s massive family on there. Mapped out a family tree by info they’ve left public.

accidentally friend requested my aunt. She’s no idea she has nieces.

100% do this yes. Not all the time, but now and again. Just to be nosey. It's human nature.

Most of us are nosy if they dont want us to know it shouldnt be on there

I do this all the time 🥸 and if I want to find out if someone is a sleazy type (ex, potential date, crush, or just being nosey) I can see photos liked by people on facebook even if they're not my friends. It's a great test.

This is soooo funny!

I think that level of investment in one individual and speculation about whether the wife of an ex from 26 years ago is on FB without telling him (!) or whether his daughters banned him from their weddings and don’t love him is frankly creepy.

If some ex of mine or DH’s were to stalk us with this kind of agenda, they would assume my DH, who uses SM a lot, isn’t keen on me, as I ask him not to post photos of me, so it looks as if he’s always on holiday without me, plus my own locked Instagram is mostly pictures of strange clouds or unusual graffiti and my only real online footprint is a professional one.

f I want to find out if someone is a sleazy type (ex, potential date, crush, or just being nosey) I can see photos liked by people on facebook even if they're not my friends. It's a great test.

@QueefQueen80s Ooh, how do you do that? Or is it just if they had certain privacy (or lack thereof) settings?

This doesn't seem to be a healthy level of curiosity... And you seem to be creating a lot of narrative around him.

I thought I could write a book/story actually with a character very slightly based on what he was like (along with other stuff) and it might help me get it out of my system.

With this particular bloke, it mainly started when I watched the Netflix series Sex/Life.

I would have therapy again if I didn't have to spend money on other things right now.

It has led to some good things in my life like converting to his religion. (My last username was OldFan if it sounds familiar, just fancied a change.)

I always think Facebook should have a safe mode. It's all fun and games until you accidentally like a random photo while swiping down on the ipad screen to scroll. I learnt my lesson after accidentally liking a photo of my new colleague (who I'd not yet spoken to) and his recently deceased father. 😳 I didn't even notice until next time I was creeping his page. Awks.

The only time I snoop and spy is when I start dating a man.

Really. People think it's OK to track down relatives of people they used to know and just happen to call in the bar where they work?
If a man did that to a colleague's 18yo daughter, people would be up in arms.

I have never told anyone this but there is a woman I went to school with who I snooped on for quite a few years. She was horrible to me and my friends at school. The snooping started when I was working in retail and she started shouting at me because we had no hummus in stock. A grown woman in her late 20s shouting about hummus. I wanted some insight into her life and wondered if she had any friends.- she did. Also snooped on some of her friends occasionally because wondered who would be friends with someone so mean. For a while it looked like she had a great life- moved to the states, got married but over time saw that all her friends dropped her and she ruined her very pretty face with lots of botox. I stopped snooping because it was taking up too much head space.

No. So little on Social Media is real. Why waste time? I'd rather read a decent fiction 😁

You search for the persons name, but instead of clicking their profile you leave it on the results page (where all the people with that name are listed).
Then click 'photos' from the options along the top.
Then 'see all from friends' and you can see what they have liked.. if you sort by date posted it shows you even more.

It only shows public photos but you can see enough from this.

just happen to call in the bar where they work?

@Nightlystroll I genuinely did, I'd spent all day doing stuff in town and was knackered so stopped for a drink. It's a bar that happens to be on my way home so I have to walk past it every time I go in and out. I've only been in it once or twice as it's not the best and expensive for what it is.

No. So little on Social Media is real.

@Conkersinautumn That's a good point actually, one ex-friend posts incredibly wholesome plant based food all the time, it makes me feel kind of inferior.

Then the other day I watched a Youtube vid where someone was saying people don't post what they're having on the days/meals when they go off plan.