AIBU to ask for alternatives to toxic old MN

[FannyBawz]

I’ve been here 15 years and just find it all so nasty and toxic a lot of the time. The witty responses have gradually been replaced by snidey bitchiness much of the time, honestly it’s so depressing. People get jumped on all the time for asking for support.

Thats before we get to the way that womens rights are treated plus the whole sex forum fiasco.

and sorry I am fed up with having dildos waved at me every time I sign on.

Nobody seems to give a shit really at MNHQ and they have a like it or lump it mentality to valid concerns.

I know I don’t have to stay here and So does anybody have any recommendations for other forums? I see a new one called FemVox has been set up and it looks promising.

what else is out there?

I think it's good to give different fora a try. I am looking for one less busy than MN that I go on once a week as opposed to every day. Also one without tabloid journalists publishing threads. So all in all a less prominent version of MN.

If you have a pitchfork then go right ahead. Place has gone to the dogs over the years. I dip my toe in now and again but do not bother commenting on threads anymore, just read and leave.

I had a look on the femvox site. Most threads don't exceed 100 replies. Nope, I much prefer a busier site like mn even if not all the replies are helpful.

Absolutely. Reading through some of the threads here is like trying to find a needle in a haystack when you actually want some useful information.

Instead you've got to wade through every comment made by the resident curmudgeons and end up giving up.

Social media can be a tough place. But I am surprised at people saying this is the worst and most toxic place. I have read stuff on yahoo, responses on Instagram, Twitter etc which seem more unpleasant. More racist and sexist and less challenging of prejudice.

Most forums these days default to ‘the OP is in the wrong’ to start with. but on a long enough thread, there will eventually be a decent range of views on all sides. And overall if someone is truly in crisis the support outweighs the nastiness from what I can see.

I don’t take anything I read personally. And try and keep my posts polite. I don’t tend to labour points much; maybe I don’t care enough! I am q impressed by those who go on and on arguing their view.

Usually I would disagree but today I've seen some bitchplopping that just makes me shake my head. Why do they bother??
#notflouncing

First thought- reddit. I find some very useful info there. If you're looking for some more specific stuff, possibly Quora?

^this! Reddit subs can be a lot more helpful as they are usually a bit more strictly moderated plus the voting system keeps the trash comments at the bottom.

I agree with you x

I disagree with this.

Reddit strictly moderated?

And it's basically an echo chamber because of the upvote system, so it prevents critical thinking. May Tradie Gods bless MNHQ 💐 for moderating and looking after us, Reddit could never.

I said what I said.

The Attagirls web site!

Ah yes. Home to the racists who started Mum.Chat.

Is it always an "echo chamber" when like-minded people gather? I think that expression has lost all meaning.

I quickly had a look there and the idea of live chat kind of makes my skin crawl. No thanks!

Too many journalists, too many men looking for sex, too many trolls.

Journalists I understand, trolls too. It's the burden of popularity.

What I still can't wrap my head around is why a man would come to Mumsnet for sexy chat. It's creepy. Of ALL places.

The weirdest thing about the men looking for sexy chat is how much they can't stop wanging (haha) on about how old, fat, mumsy and undesirable we are and how any man of quality like him will be able to hook a hot 22 year old who wants nothing more than to be pregnant, barefoot and in his kitchen.

Well then why the fuck are you on here with us at 11pm on a Friday night, Baz??

I'm sure that Baz reckons he can find a HEAP of women here who'd just LOVE to throw themselves at him.

And what's more he probably thinks that he's one of the first to think of it.

Well, I think mn is great. If you don't like it, as so many posters feel, find something else to do with your time.
The problem is that some posters are too lazy to post anywhere else except AIBU. If you go to the right forum, you'll generally get really helpful responses, I have , anyway.
Also, some posters can't distinguish between disagreement and bullying.
Lastly, I appreciate the guts that mn have had in allowing the feminism gender issues board to continue. Under strong pressure to gag it. It allowed intelligent discussion when there was literally no other space for it.
And it makes me laugh - the recent thread where someone said they were afraid to post, and mn came on to say that the poster had started 17 threads in the past 2 weeks!

Thanks @BadNomad, those are really helpful. We know humans have the tendency to catastrophise present day and romanticise the past, but these are useful real examples. Looking at that 2010 post, if anything I think most posters today are wittier, more insightful, more experienced and more open to conversation. (Not all, but most.)

I’d been on MN a few years by then but never joined until much later as I found the cliquey-ness off the charts and completely off-putting. Plenty of posters bother me now but I don’t think the general current tone reflects the degenerate and negative UK society we like to panic about here.

The tone of MN could be much more easily dealt with if there was an ignore feature. People could filter out those posters who really raised their hackles and it would probably be less of a shitfight all round.

I don't think there is an ignore feature is there? I have looked in my own half-arsed way but didn't find anything.

No, but it might be a good idea.

With that said, I don't need a button to do my ignoring for me.

I asked chatgpt - who is my new crush and you can stay the hell away from him - what it thought about the negative aspects of mumsnet and it said -

Mumsnet has potential negative aspects including cyberbullying and online harassment, pressure to conform to a certain parenting style, promotion of unrealistic beauty standards, and limited diversity and representation.

Overall, while Mumsnet can provide a supportive community for mothers, it is important to be aware of these potential negative aspects and to approach the platform with a critical and discerning eye.

Something that is sorely lacking in today's society imo and some people seem to be looking to get offended or triggered by a stiff breeze.

Even the AI is suggesting that we harden up.

shakes fist at cloud I'm too old for this shit.