AIBU to ask for alternatives to toxic old MN

[FannyBawz]

I’ve been here 15 years and just find it all so nasty and toxic a lot of the time. The witty responses have gradually been replaced by snidey bitchiness much of the time, honestly it’s so depressing. People get jumped on all the time for asking for support.

Thats before we get to the way that womens rights are treated plus the whole sex forum fiasco.

and sorry I am fed up with having dildos waved at me every time I sign on.

Nobody seems to give a shit really at MNHQ and they have a like it or lump it mentality to valid concerns.

I know I don’t have to stay here and So does anybody have any recommendations for other forums? I see a new one called FemVox has been set up and it looks promising.

what else is out there?

Is your objection to this because Nazi soldiers did it? Or because Stalin’s troops did it?

Case in point, since I posted on this thread earlier, I’ve had a couple of the ‘you have been mentioned on a thread’ emails and as soon as I saw them my heart sunk because typically when that happens on MN it’s because someone has managed to find something in my post to argue with (it wasn’t the case in this thread thankfully!) Every time I post I read what I’ve written and then re-read it to make sure I’m not going to incite the wrath of someone. It still happens though. I do feel like there is a sizeable contingent of posters on here who just go through threads simply with the purpose of nit-picking, starting arguments and being generally very unpleasant- I bet they never speak to people like that IRL. It’s like the seedy underbelly of people’s personalities, the unpleasant side they can’t show in public.

@pictoosh

Yes Mumsnet has a 100% success rate on spotting abuse and no abusive relationship will get past posters as a whole. Of course that’s mostly because every relationship is called abusive here so they’re unlikely to let any real abuse slip by them when that’s the default position.

@StarDolphins You are still saying the same thing even with the OR.

I note you have not mentioned women with PMS/PMT, so what you have said is also coming across as ageist. Are post menopausal women also in group 2? You have acknowledged that menopausal symptoms are causing issues for yourself so have planted yourself in the second group, but by saying what you did, even with the OR (which doesn’t make much difference as you still see menopausal women in a negative light) does yourself no favours on this thread in particular.

Not every older woman has issues in perimenopause and not every woman in perimenopause has issues with mood and is grouchy or wants to tell others to F**k off.

A lot of people who are neuro diverse will not get that something is a joke or lighthearted either. So saying what you have will have caused some offence on a thread that is about toxicity even if that was not your intention.

Turn off the alert. Mn must be awful with that on

I don’t have it on but did have a period with the same five or so posters responding on pretty much every thread. Luckily they’ve respected my request to stop, apart from some initial grumbling over it it’s made mn much better.

Same. Poor star dolphin is relentlessly being asked to "Explain yourself dammit!" Even after apologising for clumsy wording. Why do people care so much what a complete stranger on the Internet thinks?

Same. Poor star dolphin is relentlessly being asked to "Explain yourself dammit!" Even after apologising for clumsy wording. Why do people care so much what a complete stranger on the Internet thinks?

This. I saw the original post, I saw the apology. I am menopausal. I'm not especially bothered by any of it. But if I was, the explanation was fine. It's not a big deal. But I feel like a shark has sensed blood in the water and is going to circle until chunks of flesh can be ripped off.

One of the things that bothered me is I imagine decent people seeing this behaviour and not saying anything. So - one day I tried to suggest the shark attack approach didn't facilitate understanding. (Not using those words, obviously). Partly to defend an OP.

I was flamed so viciously for 'tone policing' among other things. By the end of the thread I'd been accused of all of the most awful things, including being deliberately abusive. My words were twisted and misrepresented. I felt like I was going completely mad.

I do wonder if some posters in here just have nothing better to do. If it's a kind of game or sport to pick fights and 'defeat' other posters.

@ReformedWaywardTeen I remember your post, that was awful 😖

If anyone on this thread is. Tattle member and would be kind enough to generate an invite link for me, can you let me know, please? There’s a thread about a local influencer that I’m dying to contribute to.

Thank you.
I was baffled, I really expected a bit of support and commiserations, and lots of "well fuck em". I did not get that at all.

Piles on in AIBU don't bother me. The recent vibrator adverts and stance on N Bulley threads was odd.
I like the threads I've been on for years, guiding child through GCSE's, A'levels and Uni.
I like funny threads, what I ate in the 80's etc, current news, stuff that like. Mn is funny.
I may sign up to other sites, but I still spend a lot of find each day on MN, and always will.

I'm off to check out femvox and hopefully give your head a wobble won't be on any thread lol 😆

@Oblomov23 I agree its about picking the threads to read and contribute to and keeping away from AIBU. I've found threads that have been very informative and I have learned a lot about topics I didn't know interested me. X

MN can't be everything to everyone.

I'm on about half a dozen forums and its not like I'm cheating on them with the others. I like/dislike them all for different reasons.

and sorry I am fed up with having dildos waved at me every time I sign on

Who is waving dildos at you?? Is this in person? And how can I get it to happen to me? Haven’t had an orgasm in ages!

I reported three nasty comments on a thread of mine today (after reading this thread) and all were removed quickly.

I'd never reported anything before. If everyone did that would help.

I won't stray far if they'd just give us an edit button!

I'm forever making myself look illiterate.

I think the problem isn't with the majority of MN users themselves ... it's just that this place has become a kind of sporting arena for the trolls, attention seekers and journalists baiting members for tidbits they can publish.

What the penis beaker giveth, it taketh away.

So I checked out femvox.

It looks ok - and has an edit button - BUT I think I've become hooked on the "real life stories" in AIBU so I'll always be home for dinner.

Maybe what I really need is an OK! magazine subscription to get my fix with.

OK! will ruin your mind. It only takes one "article" and that's it.

I think I can handle it. Ive built up my immunity with the Daily Fail.

Another vote for this new site. It seems more female-centic!

Over the 12 years or so that I've been on Mumsnet, there have been many new sites started by disgruntled MNetters.

They tend to be popular for the first few weeks, then they dwindle and become far too quiet for most people who've been used to such a busy site like MN.

In fact the 'busiest' threads are normally the ones where posters are going over and over and over their disappointment/annoyance at Mumsnet, but even that dwindles as posters disperse or return to MN under a new name

Like the people who left Twitter for Mastodon? Oh yes, I am on Twitter too. In comparison, MN is like Disney land.