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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Division of late mums jewellery

45 replies

Happymummys · 05/02/2023 10:28

My sister and I are dividing our late mums jewellery. I’d only like to keep 2 rings. My sister however, who has it all, has chosen 8 items, all of the most expensive. The rest are to be sold and the money split 50/50. AIBU to think the 8 she’s chosen which again are the most expensive isn’t very fair? I’d like our items to be valued that we’re keeping and feel the difference should be paid to the other so it’s the same monetary value for both but my sister says it’s not about the money (easy for her to say when she has the most expensive items) as it’s the sentiment behind them and that she’s not going to sell them (I only have her word for that). AIBU?

OP posts:
Pompom2367 · 05/02/2023 10:29

I agree op I would he everything valued before splitting is there a will

ChiefPearlClutcher · 05/02/2023 10:31

You put everything in a pile and take turns picking something. That’s how it works. Tell her it’s not fair and start over.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 05/02/2023 10:31

Everything should be valued before splitting. Who is executor?

Changingplace · 05/02/2023 10:31

Why don’t you pick more than two rings then? You’re choosing to only pick two, but could have more?

CiderJolly · 05/02/2023 10:32

Maybe just take 8 items too although this is all going to leave a sour taste isn’t it? It’s not classy arguing over money/jewellery in this situation.

Your sister doesn’t sound very nice to be honest.

Throughabushbackwards · 05/02/2023 10:32

Well yes, you're both BU. It's undignified squabbling over your mother's jewellery. Both of you need to give some ground. Your sister should share more evenly and allow you to choose the pieces that have meaning for you and you should stop adding up the cash you'll gain.

litlealligator · 05/02/2023 10:33

I think it's weird to value them and make each other pay the value back. As a previous poster said, you put them in a pile and take turns picking what you want.

Lonecatwithkitten · 05/02/2023 10:36

All the items should be valued. You choose special sentimental items to keep rest of items sold. Estate divided taking in value of jewellery so each persons total pot is equal.

Lonecatwithkitten · 05/02/2023 10:37

Oh and you take turns at choosing.

KeepScrapingBy · 05/02/2023 10:44

Until you’ve had them valued you won’t know which are the most expensive items. So get them valued first.
You might not get much though. My mother’s gold engagement ring with 5 diamonds was only worth £75.

ChrisPPancake · 05/02/2023 10:51

Am I understanding correctly that you had the opportunity to choose more but didn't?

Original poster
Happymummys · 05/02/2023 10:54

Thanks all. I haven’t had the opportunity to choose yet as haven’t had a look. Mum passed 15+ years ago so dad had the jewellery but is unwell hence has now given to us to decide.

OP posts:
Shinyredbicycle · 05/02/2023 10:58

In all honesty, I would focus on supporting your dad at the moment and leave discussions about jewellery.

If your mum's will left the jewellery to him, he should be decision-maker which is a horrible position to put him in.

Quietly suggest to your sister that you both choose one item now and that the rest is included in the estate when your dad passes.

grafittiartist · 05/02/2023 11:00

I think I'd be happy that someone wanted them and would value the sentiment rather than the money.
I can see where you're coming from - but only if she was planning on selling them.
Otherwise I'd let it go.

KimberleyClark · 05/02/2023 11:01

KeepScrapingBy · 05/02/2023 10:44

Until you’ve had them valued you won’t know which are the most expensive items. So get them valued first.
You might not get much though. My mother’s gold engagement ring with 5 diamonds was only worth £75.

This. An insurance valuation I.e how much it would cost to replace is one thing, how much you might get if you sold it quite another.

Original poster
Happymummys · 05/02/2023 11:05

Thanks all

OP posts:
StarsSand · 05/02/2023 11:06

I used to have to read a lot of Wills at work.

It was a really common clause for people to direct that starting with the eldest child, they would take turns choosing until they were all allocated.

I suggest you do that, it's just cleaner. Then you can also choose valuable pieces after you have chosen your two sentimental ones.

If your sister doesn't want to risk you choosing the ones she's earmarked as her eight then the alternative would be to get them valued and the person with the less valuable items is compensated the difference by the other.

Don't fight about it, just choose a method that's objectively fair.

StClare101 · 05/02/2023 11:06

We took turns picking. It was really the only way.

Unsure33 · 05/02/2023 11:06

I would say to her if it’s not about the money is there any reason why we can’t put the jewellery in a pile and take turns picking ? Then split it 50 50 that way ? If one picks something more valuable then that’s life . Or get it all valued .

WoolyMammoth55 · 05/02/2023 11:07

Hi OP, selling second hand jewellery you don't realise much value.

I doubt there is a huge 'unfairness' around her choices vs yours.

Also, in my experience, my female relatives who had cherished jewellery over the years were very keen for the pieces to stay in the family, be passed on, and be enjoyed - rather than sold off.

It may be that your mum would have been thrilled that your sister wants to keep and wear 8 pieces in her memory.

I think it's good to be compassionate and kind around sharing out personal items from loved ones. I don't think penny-pinching is very helpful for you and your sister (and honestly, your mum) in this situation.

If you want more then take more, don't limit what your sister can take.

dogdaydown · 05/02/2023 11:09

ChiefPearlClutcher · 05/02/2023 10:31

You put everything in a pile and take turns picking something. That’s how it works. Tell her it’s not fair and start over.

This! Surely jewellery is personal and not chosen on value?

You'd surely pick the items you liked best, not based on value?

The rest of the estate will presumably be split and cash?

Blanketpolicy · 05/02/2023 11:10

What approximate value (2nd hand) are we talking about? A couple of grand I'd let it go as sentimental. Tens of thousands is very different.

ArcaneWireless · 05/02/2023 11:15

Quietly suggest to your sister that you both choose one item now and that the rest is included in the estate when your dad passes.

This.

Original poster
Happymummys · 05/02/2023 11:43

She’s refusing to take turns

OP posts:
BeachBlondey · 05/02/2023 11:49

Happymummys · 05/02/2023 11:43

She’s refusing to take turns

Who appointed her as the Boss?!

Where is the jewellery now?