AIBU Division of late mums jewellery

[Happymummys]

My sister and I are dividing our late mums jewellery. I’d only like to keep 2 rings. My sister however, who has it all, has chosen 8 items, all of the most expensive. The rest are to be sold and the money split 50/50. AIBU to think the 8 she’s chosen which again are the most expensive isn’t very fair? I’d like our items to be valued that we’re keeping and feel the difference should be paid to the other so it’s the same monetary value for both but my sister says it’s not about the money (easy for her to say when she has the most expensive items) as it’s the sentiment behind them and that she’s not going to sell them (I only have her word for that). AIBU?

Then you refuse her the 8 that she wants. It's not her call. Either do something you both agree with or her your dad to split them.

She has it all. I trusted her to take it all for safe keeping until we could meet to make decisions but she’s been making decisions and going through it all while she has it which wasn’t the purpose

She’s sounds fucking awful. Quibbling over monetary value is very undignified, but she’s appointed herself as boss, which is wrong. Perhaps get pro bono legal advice. Was she the eldest?

It’s so difficult when dividing up late parents belongings; in the situation you’re in I’d say either choose more yourself or have your dad make the final decision.

When we divided mum’s jewellery (4 siblings 1 male) we separated everything out to rings, necklaces, earrings, watches, bracelets etc then picked one selection and chose an item each in turn until they were all selected. Some items we had pre agreed would go to specific children (so DB got DF’s wedding ring and chunky gold bracelet) other things it was decided that one sister would have as she was the one the item would fit.

Yes to this. When XH's father died, the children each picked one item, and carried on like that until everything had been chosen. It worked really well.

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

She sounds awful. Is your Dad able to help you at all?
Taking turns is the fairest.

When is this happening? Tell your DF you need to see the jewellery and take turns choosing! Then take as much as your sister, in turn. How you choose is your lookout. Worst case is that you divide the stuff before selling and each sell half

If possession will only occur after your DF passes, who is his executor? Unless your sister is sole executor I doubt it will be happening as you describe

The possibility of a back story in which your sister has borne a much greater burden than you in terms of providing care for your DPs, especially your DM, is the only thing that might make her position acceptable. Even then she should have DF’s approval

She can’t have it all ways. Is dad in a position to mediate?

No dad has gifted to us to share equally. He’s unwell so don’t want to burden him. I’m the eldest.

Split it all down the middle (as much as possible) then each keep or sell what you wish.

Get all the pieces valued. Take what you want: sister takes what she wants. Sell the rest. Deduct the value of the pieces you've kept back from your share. So if whole lot is worth 50K and you've got 2k worth and your sister has 15k you get 23k and she gets 10k. That way it's equal overall.

That sounds so hard OP
my friends mum wrote a long list of which child and grandchild were to get which item of jewellery, and my friend said it was just like her mum was in the room with them. The paper the list was on is the most precious part of the jewellery she left her kids.
no use to you now OP, but maybe will help other posters to prepare for a similar situation

Your sister is being incredibly unreasonable.

Emotions run high when a parent is unwell. Rather than fall out with her, would you suggest leaving the decision for a couple of years?

Yes I feel pressure to decide now and make decisions now. Thanks all

The only reasonable way to do it is to take turns.

However she is being selfish and greedy , I’d tell her if she’s that greedy to keep it all!

It sounds like you are concerned about the monetary value so I would get everything valued and then you each get the same monetary amount, either as pieces of jewellery or cash from the pieces sold.

I hate to be a bit pessimistic but this doesn’t bode well for when your father dies and everything has to be shared or disposed of.

I think you need to meet and take turn and turn about choosing. I’m sorry she’s gatekeeping your mums jewellery :(

Sounds bad behaviour unless there is some sort of backstory where you get to keep something else instead, or she gets this advantage in lieu of something else.

The only really fair way to do it is send all of it for auction, and then you each can bid on the bids you want, but taking turns to pick is probably a close second.

Jewellery can be funny, in the respect some stuff can be worth little more than scrap, and other bits have a massive value, while not looking as if they are actually worth that much.

Finally, I would think carefully that this behaviour might indicate how she means to act in the future - and plan accordingly.

Your dad being alive changes things a bit for me. if your sister does not want to take turns choosing (not sure what your and sister financial situation is) I think you should give your dad money for it.

Here’s what happened in our family…
My granddad had an extensive and very valuable antique gun collection. My granny was still alive, but had no interest in the guns, the legal side of storing it and the insurance, so she said it had to be passed on to the next generation. My dad and his nephews (my cousins) chose what they wanted. My dad insisted that they pay my gran for the guns. His reasons were she was widowed, with a limited pot of funds that had to last her (as it happens he was right) a long time, whilst the recipients of the guns were all high earners (doctor, accountant etc) that could pay for it! My aunt was spitting feathers that her sons had to pay to have their grandfathers’ guns. My dad stood firm, they could and it was the right thing to do. It was a valuable asset! My aunt didn’t talk to my dad for ages but in the end it was absolutely the right thing to as gran really did need the money.

Unless your mum’s pieces are recognised names, it is unlikely to be worth much. If your sister wants to be like that, I would push the moral angle and have the lot valued and buy them from your dad. It may be a wildly unpopular opinion but is fair and also fair to your dad.

And now I need to name change!

Hope you find a solution OP. Stand firm, this kind if thing is usually the thin end of the wedge x

Pick more and sell it separately. But ideally yes, all valued and split fairly.