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Original poster

Explicit hentai cartoons and 13 year old boys

67 replies

MrsPang · 30/01/2023 09:35

My 13 year old has a friend who has shared very explicit hentai cartons with him. He came and told me last night and said that he had told him that’s enough and he doesn’t want to see it. He has also shared it with my other son who is 11. Both my sons have ASD too and are quite easily influenced.

The friend, S, is very socially isolated, can’t attend school and has quite severe anxiety and ASD. My younger son is almost his only contact and they game online a lot, talking constantly with open FaceTime. Older son said that’s how it was shared.

S’s mum is a good friend and is very worried about him, but I haven’t tackled this with her. If I’m really honest I don’t think S is a good influence on my younger son, who is somewhat in S’s thrall. But if I cut them off from each other then he will be absolutely furious. They talk to each other constantly.

How do I handle this?

OP posts:
Aldibag · 30/01/2023 09:41

Explain to the mum what has gone down. Then you both get all the kids in the same room. Have an open discussion and both of you set the boundaries and the consequences for the continued friendship. You are the parents. Tackle this together and you will present a social norm. Tackle it separately and it’s ‘your house rules suck’ / ‘you’ve demonised my son.’

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 30/01/2023 09:43

When you say it’s explicit is it an indecent image/drawing of children?

Because that’s essentially classified as an indecent image of a child.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 30/01/2023 09:44

Actually even if it’s adult explicit content, I’d be telling the school or children’s services that this boy is showing this round to people who don’t want to see it. It’s a big red flag

EzzieM · 30/01/2023 09:57

Honestly I’d distance the kids with a view to ending the friendship. You aren’t a social service. He’s a bad influence and as he becomes a teen this is gonna get much worse.

Dunno what hentai is and certainly not gonna google it but if this kid is showing porn, even cartoon porn, to your 11 yr old that should be the end of the friendship.

Mabelface · 30/01/2023 09:58

Tell his mum. She's likely unaware and will be horrified at this. Hentai is so unsuitable is hard to see where to begin on this! I'm so glad that your boys are able to come to you too discuss this. Give his mum the opportunity too.

takealettermsjones · 30/01/2023 10:01

You need to tell the kid's mum. Where did he get these pictures from? Either someone sent them to him, in which case she needs to know that he is at risk, or he found them online somewhere, in which case she needs to know her internet filters are not strong enough. I'd wait for her reaction before deciding how to proceed with the friendship.

ItsCalledAConversation · 30/01/2023 10:05

It’s cartoon porn and I’d be livid. No more gaming, no more contact for a month. You don’t “owe” your friend anything, you don’t owe her your kids playing with hers, despite the fact her son is ASD and socially isolated. I’m sure the boys will be furious about being separated, just as furious as you are that they have used this open contact to share porn. I’d give them a month ban followed by dire warnings and frequent checks for a month after that.
Well done to your DS being so open with you, you should be proud you have such an honest and trusting bond with your boy.

PeekAtYou · 30/01/2023 10:08

As S is isolated then I'd go to his mum to see if she can tell him to stop because it sounds like this is the only thing that your son doesn't like. It's really great that your son told you about this btw.
I would be keeping a much closer eye on this "friendship" because it doesn't sound positive and it's unlikely that the images are the only inappropriate topic. I have NT kids who would have blocked someone like S but I understand that your sons may not be able to see more subtle issues. If you're unwilling to anger your children (or s) then restricting the amount of contact and monitoring it heavily is your only other solutions.

Clymene · 30/01/2023 10:10

OMG of course you need to tell his mum.

Good on your kids for telling you.

glasshole · 30/01/2023 10:15

My ASD son was attested and charged for having these types of images. He was 18 and it turned out he had been groomed online from age 11 and had been convinced he was trans too. He had a porn addiction and I had been totally unaware. He now has a SHPO and his life is destroyed. No friends, everybody knows what happened. It affected our younger kids etc.

You need to take this very seriously. In your shoes I would be informing the police and the school. These kids need to be shocked into never ever looking at this sort of thing again.

glasshole · 30/01/2023 10:19

For those that are unsure what hentai porn is, it's animated/cartoon porn that very often features children/young girls and and tentacles, animals and animal human hybrids. It's basically cartoon beastiality and child abuse wrapped into one.

SylvanianFrenemies · 30/01/2023 10:20

Your son has told you because he needs you to intervene.
That's your starting point.
S's mum needs to know.

takealettermsjones · 30/01/2023 10:20

Thanks @glasshole you've saved me a Google that I really didn't want to do! I had heard about the tentacle thing but I didn't know it was drawings of children. Horrifying.

PizzaNinja · 30/01/2023 10:29

If anyone wants to see the style of art used, just Google ‘manga art’ - it’ll give you an idea of the style used, without the er… porn bits.

Original poster
MrsPang · 30/01/2023 10:32

Thankyou all for your perspectives.

my 13 year old seems to think that S got the images from an online game of some sort, and screenshotted.

S is also 13.

OP posts:
Crayfishforyou · 30/01/2023 10:35

I would ring his mother and explain what has happened.

ZenNudist · 30/01/2023 10:39

13yo shares porn shocker.

If it were actual porn I'd explain to my ds that it's degrading to women and have a serious chat about the lives affected and ruined being supported by his choices.

As its an explicit cartoon I'd just be frank that a cartoon doesn't depict real sexual relationships. You could say you appreciate hes not stupid and he knows cartoons arent real but he just needs to be careful not to use them to draw expectations of real women just like he doesn't expect to fly if he reads about superman flying!

As a courtesy to your friend you could flag that her ds has shared this and she might want to use it as a conversation starter to encourage healthy attitudes to women and sex.

I wouldn't make a big deal if it or blame the other boy. Your ds is going to be exposed to this stuff so you need to equip him to deal with it and encourage him to reject it himself. Banning doesn't help.

Original poster
MrsPang · 30/01/2023 10:40

As you all say, it’s my own sons that I need to consider foremost and I need to think how I handle this - I appreciate the suggestion of getting them in the same room. S is quite disregulated though and it would probably set him off in some way, plus his mother is very wary of his anxiety which, not unreadably, will go through the roof with this.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 30/01/2023 10:40

Just call it porn.
I know Hentai is a specific type but it’s just porn really and usually very degrading to women and often borderline paedophilia.
Speak to the Mum, it’s not appropriate to share such images

Original poster
MrsPang · 30/01/2023 10:56

ZenNudist · 30/01/2023 10:39

13yo shares porn shocker.

If it were actual porn I'd explain to my ds that it's degrading to women and have a serious chat about the lives affected and ruined being supported by his choices.

As its an explicit cartoon I'd just be frank that a cartoon doesn't depict real sexual relationships. You could say you appreciate hes not stupid and he knows cartoons arent real but he just needs to be careful not to use them to draw expectations of real women just like he doesn't expect to fly if he reads about superman flying!

As a courtesy to your friend you could flag that her ds has shared this and she might want to use it as a conversation starter to encourage healthy attitudes to women and sex.

I wouldn't make a big deal if it or blame the other boy. Your ds is going to be exposed to this stuff so you need to equip him to deal with it and encourage him to reject it himself. Banning doesn't help.

That’s quite a different position to other posters…

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 30/01/2023 11:18

MrsPang · 30/01/2023 10:56

That’s quite a different position to other posters…

Show quote history

Is it? I'm not saying condone it. I'm saying recognise it as part of the problem we have of raising boys in a porn soaked world. Somehow need to talk to them to get them to realise its detrimental to forming healthy relationships.

Can't solely treat them like toddlers. It's not nice! It's dirty! Stop! Put it down! 😁 We need to explain why. Maybe model how to react when someone shows you something shocking (happens all the time with teens).

What do you currently do about access to tik tok? Fortunately I'm not there yet as ds is 12 and I've just straight banned it.

takealettermsjones · 30/01/2023 11:44

It's not 'just' porn if it's images of children though is it? And sending to a child is also a criminal offence.

I completely agree with talking and explaining why it's wrong. But it's still possible there is danger to OP's children here if someone else continues to think it's okay to share such images with them.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 30/01/2023 11:51

Hentai is usually images of children, and it’s cartoon but still classed in the same category as photos of child sexual abuse. Please take note of the very sad story from PP, it is illegal to share or view these images and all children involved could be implicated in this. It’s not ‘usual’ porn.

Hoppinggreen · 30/01/2023 11:53

takealettermsjones · 30/01/2023 11:44

It's not 'just' porn if it's images of children though is it? And sending to a child is also a criminal offence.

I completely agree with talking and explaining why it's wrong. But it's still possible there is danger to OP's children here if someone else continues to think it's okay to share such images with them.

Hentai doesn’t usually involve children, although some of the images are a bit borderline. I think the age of consent was 14 until recently in Japan so it reflects that with lots of schoolgirl types etc.
Obviously like all porn it’s usually pretty grim but not necessarily Paedophilia

Untitledsquatboulder · 30/01/2023 11:55

When my ds was shown porn by his friend I didn't stop the friendship I spoke to his mum. Got sorted in short order and didn't need a big meeting either. Not sure why that would be appropriate.