Explicit hentai cartoons and 13 year old boys

[MrsPang]

My 13 year old has a friend who has shared very explicit hentai cartons with him. He came and told me last night and said that he had told him that’s enough and he doesn’t want to see it. He has also shared it with my other son who is 11. Both my sons have ASD too and are quite easily influenced.

The friend, S, is very socially isolated, can’t attend school and has quite severe anxiety and ASD. My younger son is almost his only contact and they game online a lot, talking constantly with open FaceTime. Older son said that’s how it was shared.

S’s mum is a good friend and is very worried about him, but I haven’t tackled this with her. If I’m really honest I don’t think S is a good influence on my younger son, who is somewhat in S’s thrall. But if I cut them off from each other then he will be absolutely furious. They talk to each other constantly.

How do I handle this?

@MrsPang

What would I have done differently? I'd have been much less trusting of my kids. My son is a lovely young man, was a lovely young boy. Despite ASD, he was an absolute pleasure to parent and he was always very honest with me. So I believed him when we had the internet safety talks and he said he would never talk to strangers etc. I was very naive. Turned he was pretty much groomed online on a forum from age 11 where he was told he was probably trans as he didn't fit in, didn't feel like a boy. He was fed a load of sisification bollox and introduced to anime and then hentaii. We had a very rough few years where he was suicidal age 14-16 then he failed college, flunked university etc desire being a A* student. It was all the damage that porn did to him. And we had no idea, absolutely nothing until the police came through my door and raided my house. Three years of torture and limbo and then after sentencing, just when I started to feel like I could move on, WE could move on, it hit the press. My family are quite well known in our town, I grew up here. So everybody knows. I can't even put into words how terrible that was, ten times worse than the actual arrest and court case. Plus I'm a very vocal radical feminist and trying to reconcile my very person beliefs and what my sun has done was very difficult. I've been in intensive therapy as a result.

This country needs much much stronger laws around pornography. It's incredibly damaging to young minds. I fully sort following Iceland and banning it. My youngest daughter is 14 and she's horrified that her friends are getting strangled during sex and is actually considered normal for a boy to want spit on your face. There is even talk of threesomes and intentionally going confirm free as the boys don't like them. It's just awful. And it's all from porn.

Ditto. The phones would be handed in every night and scrutinised. Internet access a lot more regimented. I admit I was naive, I thought my good son wouldn’t get involved in this world, I thought I could trust him. I was wrong.

@OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow , that is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you and your family had to go through that.

surely he wa not convicted for having cartoon porn? genuine question- confused by your story>

I’d block the number then delete the contact off his phone. And explain the inappropriate content to their parent.

Yes. We live in a society where people get lifelong criminal records over obviously fictional drawings, usually vulnerable young people as they are the ones most like to get sucked in by this stuff and most likely to get caught, and yet actual sexual assaults of women and girls are swept under the carpet because prosecuting those would require the police to make an effort and/or stop covering up for each other.

For all those saying this is ‘cartoon porn’, there is no such thing. This would be classified as a pseudo-image of a child and it’s illegal.

Tell the mother immediately. I’d want to cut contact, but you know the situation better.

If the boy is cut off from friends and school and is watching explicit programmes at 13, you have the making of a woman hating incel right there.

If you are going to keep letting your DS see this boy then I’d insist on supervised, outdoor excursions to the park or similar, with a parent present and no screens allowed. And the boy should be made to apologise to your son.

This week has been exhausting. I have had several very uncomfortable conversations about this, and S’s mum, lovely though she is, just isn’t getting it. For example I asked her to ensure that S blocked my sons’ contact details and she assured me that it would be done. Then I discovered they were gaming online. So I said “no contact whatsoever” and she said ok but she had missed calls from my son - so I’ve had to say look, block him, delete, you’ve not done anything wrong but we need to step in and you can’t call him. My son said he had called to see was S ok because he was worried he had got him in to trouble.

I messaged S’s mum again and said that the kids need to be blocked on every level and every device. I think she had thought perhaps I meant “just leave things for a bit, it’ll all calm down when trust has been regained.” Or something. She believes her son when he says none of this happened. Unfortunately it appears he’s been playing a highly explicit adult game/app which is only available on a platform he has - there’s no way my boys would have seen it. And she seems to think that perhaps what was shared was actually an advert for this game, and that he “knows not to click on things like this.” I cannot wrap my head around even putting a child in a position where they have to make that choice!

Anyway, that’s where we are. They are now no longer in contact. I cannot see any way in which they can be in contact because from where I’m standing this is a child that has no boundaries as such. My boys have come home with tales of how S doesn’t allow his parents into his room and has taken the covers off the sockets, and has a soldering iron he left on and burnt his desk. His personal hygiene is shocking, I’ve had to speak to him about how he needs to take a shower. I’ve spoken to his mum about boundaries and how personally I think he can be very manipulative but I truly don’t think she can see it. He’s from a large family and all the others have turned out ok but S is very different. I feel desperately sorry for the situation but I can’t do any more.

Well, you can do more OP. You can speak to Childrens Services, the school or the NSPCC.

I spoke to a child protection social worker - highly experienced, without mentioning any identifying details but I told him everything. He said that whilst there are loads of red flags there isn’t anything like enough to trigger major concern, and in all likelihood this is a child without proper internet safety, which whilst worrying, doesn’t cross a threshold of abuse or danger, particularly now that the mum is aware of it.

This child is not in school, he’s home edded and I believe under the radar of most services.

And to add, if things were escalated, my own son would be interviewed too, and I don’t want him dragging into this any further.

It sounds like you have spoken to a friend whobis a social worker rather than talk to someone professionally.

Phone your local Mash snd tell THEM everything. The lack of hygeine and boundarues included.

It’s highly likely that the only thing that would come out of that is a chat from SS but when that isn’t a given because whilst WE might see problems, this isn’t over the threshold for any action of any meaningful sort. And my own child gets interviewed.

I know it’s tough and a situation not of your making, but sometimes you have to do the right thing however difficult it is. Your child being interviewed could make a big difference to another child’s life.

You still need to do it

Honestly, I think we'd have a better society if we took the appropriate action when somebody sent porn to an 11 year old rather than saying "not to worry, it's just a cartoon!"

This boy is already a victim of online grooming, and may be sending pornographic images to other children. And may not stop there.

You as an adult have the chance, and some might say the responsibility, to intervene, both to protect him and his future victims.

Please tell the whole lot to the police NSPCC, social services, someone who can do something about it.

We can't just keep sweeping this stuff under the rug.