Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What makes someone 'classy' / elegant

38 replies

2022hello · 09/01/2022 20:55

Not wealthy etc but just classy and graceful.

My SIL seems to navigate all situations perfectly, I so envy her!

OP posts:
RicherThanYew · 09/01/2022 20:57

I have always thought that having the ability to make people feel at ease and relaxed was quite a classy trait.

converseandjeans · 09/01/2022 21:02

Not swearing
Having some skills like art/music
Wearing decent clothes
Being able to chat to anyone & being kind to anyone regardless of who they are
Being well travelled

Mummadeze · 09/01/2022 21:04

Being calm and not shouty or stressy. Being diplomatic. People who don’t show off too much. Good manners, intelligent conversation, treats everyone the same. Groomed.

pawpatrolneedaunion · 09/01/2022 21:05

Probably not muttering "ffs" under your breath 40 times during the 20 minute school run. So that's me out.

Original poster
2022hello · 09/01/2022 21:05

@Mummadeze "Groomed"

That's me out then Grin that's my 2022 goal....

OP posts:
namechanger2222 · 09/01/2022 21:08

Natural make up, clean and well kept clothes. The clothes don't need to be overly fancy or expensive, but just good , well kept classic staples that fit well. Nice, well kept hair, but not overly styled or fussy.

Good hand bag. Again, a classic shape - does not need to be designer. Good, well kept shoes.

Not trying too hard in general. Making people feel at ease in their presence.

Not swearing a lot probably helps. Nice nails. Nice, delicate understand jewellery.

Not always speaking your mind for the sake of it. Not being overly argumentative with people. Being gentle, yet firm when required in conversations without overpowering others. Not shouting, but walking away from arguments. Not getting involved in petty gossip. Rising above things. Not over sharing.

I am basically none of those things !

MrsDoraDumble · 09/01/2022 21:09

Someone who can smooth a situation while speaking softly but confidently. Knows the conversational potholes to avoid. Naturally includes others in conversation and ensures everyone gets a bit of ‘airtime’. Knowledgeable but not overbearing or showing off. A little gentle humour to help grease the wheels of the conversation so everyone is relaxed. That’s what classy means to me.

namechanger2222 · 09/01/2022 21:10

Good table manners is huge too. And generally being hygienic. If they open their hand bag or wallet, it's not a mess in there. They're always put together.

They don't let people know what they're thinking. They're diplomatic. Always in control.

Kshhuxnxk · 09/01/2022 21:22

Confidence & Kindness. You can have all the money in the world or none, the best clothes or charity shop, the best jewellery or Pandora it doesn't matter. Confidence & Kindness is all it takes.

MichelleScarn · 09/01/2022 21:39

@pawpatrolneedaunion

Probably not muttering "ffs" under your breath 40 times during the 20 minute school run. So that's me out.
Ditto, although impressed you can hold out till school run. I'm usually about 5 mins after my eyes open on a school day!
PotatoPie888 · 09/01/2022 21:42

My god. Why would you never let people know what you are thinking? That’s crazy. It’s all a bit Kate Middleton for my liking, no offence to her, I’m sure she’s lovely…

Eggshausted · 09/01/2022 21:47

Someone who isn’t obsessed by class, Those who have it don’t feel the need to constantly measure themselves and others on how much class they have by the colour of their front door, which colour Christmas tree, what they call their children. It’s entertaining seeing many people on MN ready to judge themselves and others on the most minor life detail.

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 09/01/2022 21:48

Good posture makes a big impression.

namechanger2222 · 09/01/2022 21:48

@PotatoPie888

My god. Why would you never let people know what you are thinking? That’s crazy. It’s all a bit Kate Middleton for my liking, no offence to her, I’m sure she’s lovely…
I am an open book and I don't think it's classy. You see what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling on my face. I can't hide it well and I always wished that I could. In my mind, classy people are more mysterious and put together / in control of themselves. The duchess is very classy. But now you've said it, Diana was also classy and she did show what she was feeling. So that's messed up my theory.
Sarahlou63 · 09/01/2022 21:52

Being so comfortable in their own self that they don't need to doubt themselves so they are able to look out, not in. That's not a function of money or beauty or confidence.

Maybe the Dalai Lama has it, maybe he worries about his weight sometimes. Don't think he worries about his dress sense.

BunnyRuddington · 09/01/2022 21:52

Not sitting down to watch the tv and tipping your drink all over yourself might help with the who classy image goes to change top.

PotatoPie888 · 09/01/2022 21:53

@namechanger2222 fair enough. It seems a bit Stepford Wives to be honest. I couldn’t imagine the same advice being given to a man to keep his feelings to himself in order to appear classy. I am a million miles away from what middle-class women think is classy but I am ok with that.

AgrippinaT · 09/01/2022 21:55

Kindness, compassion. An element of restraint.

Thatldo · 09/01/2022 21:56

Is this a Kate Middleton thread.....

100problems · 09/01/2022 21:57

Not true, I have several male friends that place importance on looking groomed. One swears by the 3 B: belt, boots, Barnet
Another is an after shave nut, always subtle, and a great watch. DH is all about suit, shoes with a crisply ironed always white shirt and expensive but discreet tie.

DroopyClematis · 09/01/2022 21:57

I once went on a day trip to London from where I lived at the time. I really wanted to visit Harrods. As I approached the main doors a lady walked out wearing a white shirt and blue jeans.
She wore no make up and her hair was a straight bob. She looked like she was dripping class and and money. I really couldn't put my finger on it but she was so very classy.

100problems · 09/01/2022 22:01

Nah, I bet Catherine is as well practiced in screaming into a cushion as the rest of us.

My nanna was an advocate of leg or cleavage but never both. DM is never knowingly unironed.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/01/2022 22:04

@converseandjeans

Not swearing Having some skills like art/music Wearing decent clothes Being able to chat to anyone & being kind to anyone regardless of who they are Being well travelled
Not swearing Bollocks, can't do that one Having some skills like art/music - Cool, got that. Wearing decent clothes Nah, skint. Being able to chat to anyone & being kind to anyone regardless of who they are - I think so. Don't always swear, either. Being well travelled Oh. No chance.

So, two things that were within my power, one I can change for the situation - and two I will never, ever achieve unless I find ten grand stuffed down the back of the wheelie bins one morning.

As always, it boils down to being wealthy.

DowningStreetParty · 09/01/2022 22:06

‘Classy’ is more about being a decent person isn’t it and ‘elegant’ more about how you look. You could be ‘classy’ as a person (really gracious in defeat, say) and always look a right mess.

WakkaWakkaWakka · 09/01/2022 22:08

I know one classy person and would love to be more like her.

She is slim and toned and wears well cut clothes that fit her well. It’s not necessarily expensive items, or anything out of the ordinary. Last time I saw her she was wearing a fleece gillet!

Understated, delicate jewellery.

She speaks deliberately, softly and with charm. No swearing.

Beautiful nails (not often polished!)

Hair is always styled.

Amazing posture

Shoes are always clean.

She’s friendly and fun, asks questions about you and shows genuine interest but equally doesn’t get too close iykwim.

She’s intelligent too and very relaxed in her life. She’s rich which helps I think, lots of holidays, spends every day at the gym, has a second property, sails and plays golf!

She just has an air about her where you want her to favour you, like you’re part of her little club. I wish I knew how she did it, I always feel so inferior around her.