AIBU to ask what you think of "Sweet Bobby"? **Content warning/Spoiler alert - title edited by MNHQ**

[Butterfly0909]

Tortoise MEDIA have made a podcast (6 episodes) covering the real case of a woman who was duped into having a relationship online with a man called "Bobby" for a decade. It was covered on Women's hour at radio 4 yesterday. It is utterly chilling that another person could control someone to this extent. It is a compelling and disturbing story of coercive control.
I wondered if anyone else has listened to these podcasts?

I binged it all in a day, and thought it was brilliant. You think that it couldn't happen to you...

I thought this was a baby name suggestion! Phew

@DropYourSword

I thought this was a baby name suggestion! Phew

Oh no! I have derailed my thread already by giving it a misleading title!

Never heard of it. Now downloaded. Will come back when I've listened Thankyou.

Oooooh! Will listen today

Sounds interesting OP

How was she duped and controlled?

I thought it was brilliant. Very disturbing that one individual can pull something off like that.

@WorraLiberty

Sounds interesting OP

How was she duped and controlled?

Basically, one of her relatives pretended to be a character called Bobby and developed an online relationship with her initially via Facebook. The relationship became sexual and the relative knew enough about her to make her online strategy convincing.

Yeah it's disturbing all right. On the one hand how the fuck can you be so so silly BUT the cousin should definitely face consequences. She sounds like a dangerous individual. Daddy's little princess weirdo.

Ooh, I actually caught the end of this on WH yesterday and wondered what it was about. Might try the podcast. Afterwards they had someone on who said people over 40 can’t understand how something like that could happen but that under 40s had more sympathy and they’re virtual and real lives are more intertwined.

I think the fact that the grooming took place gradually, no huge sums of money were requested and it was only after 6 years that ‘Bobby’ told Kirat he had fallen in love with her meant that it was not your typical online relationship red flags. There were numerous accounts set up in the name of Kirat’s relatives too in order to back up Bobby’s tales. The sheer amount of organisation needed to created this intricate deception is mind-blowing and disturbing, plus they had done it before to another distant relative too.

I've listened to it all, absolutely compelling.

I started off wondering how Kirat could have been so gullible too, but as the complexity unwound, it was a warning how anyone could have been duped by such a sophisticated scam.

I hope the police do take action, the culprit shouldn't get off without criminal consequences.

Can you download it without being a member of Tortoise? I don't know if I can bring myself to pay £50 for a podcast this close to Xmas.

@KTheGrey Yes, it's on Spotify.

It’s on YouTube free:

I know Kirat explained that there's a lot that goes unsaid in the Sikh community, but I just don't get how it went on for so long without her realising that it wasn't actually Bobby she was messaging. Fake Bobby had strokes and heart attacks, FFS. I'm from a tight knit religious community, and hear about my cousin's wife's sister's heart attack before she's even reached hospital...

Thanks 👍

Thanks for the recommendations and links everyone.

@EishetChayil

I know Kirat explained that there's a lot that goes unsaid in the Sikh community, but I just don't get how it went on for so long without her realising that it wasn't actually Bobby she was messaging. Fake Bobby had strokes and heart attacks, FFS. I'm from a tight knit religious community, and hear about my cousin's wife's sister's heart attack before she's even reached hospital...

I agree. I can't help thinking that Kirat must have been gullible to a degree for it to go on 10 years without ever meeting "Bobby" in person.

Kirat was a dimwit. So many red flags right from the start.

She actually met the real Bobby (the person whose photo had been used) in a nightclub very early on during the scam, and he didn’t have a clue who she was… but she didn’t question that fact either there and then or the next time she spoke to ‘him’ because she didn’t want to embarrass him… come on!!!

And very early on in their ‘relationship’ she was quite happy to be having what was an obvious emotional affair, despite knowing he was married.

It’s definitely a story that will divide opinion. I must admit, the incident where Kirat bumped into the real Bobby at the nightclub did make me wonder why she didn’t start to question the whole thing.

@KTheGrey

Can you download it without being a member of Tortoise? I don't know if I can bring myself to pay £50 for a podcast this close to Xmas.

If you’ve got an iPhone every episode is on the podcast app now.

I got Sweet Bobby free on the Alexa app