AIBU to ask what you think of "Sweet Bobby"? **Content warning/Spoiler alert - title edited by MNHQ**

[Butterfly0909]

Tortoise MEDIA have made a podcast (6 episodes) covering the real case of a woman who was duped into having a relationship online with a man called "Bobby" for a decade. It was covered on Women's hour at radio 4 yesterday. It is utterly chilling that another person could control someone to this extent. It is a compelling and disturbing story of coercive control.
I wondered if anyone else has listened to these podcasts?

Seriously, if you hear that someone has died, and then you get told they’re actually alive but in witness protection, and then they contact you from a Facebook account under their own name while they’re apparently in witness protection, WHY aren’t huge alarm bells ringing?

If you’ve liked this you will also like ‘Do You Know Mordechai?’.

Like Sweet Bobby, I’m listening to it going “whaaaaaattttt” at the sheer gullibility of the people involved.

Listened to this when it was released weekly on podcast.

I was shaking my head the entire time. How could this woman be so stupid and gullible. Seriously?!

"Bobby" was in witness protection program and in long term hospital stay in the states and his doctors were emailing her with updates on his medical condition?! Give me a fucking break I don't even know where to start with this!

And Don't get me started on the fact they never, not once, FaceTimed. Or "Bobby" needed speech therapy because a stroke caused him to have a "squeaky voice" and just as he was getting better, he had another stroke? JFC!!

It just made me angry at how unloved Kirat was/has been and has never known what a real relationship should look like, to be this vulnerable and gullible just makes me sad and angry in her behalf.

The cousin clearly has MH issues though.

The whole thing is a sad story. Every one loses.

The relationship became sexual

How. If they never met? Am I being a bit thick here sorry?

They were sexting, sending voice notes and I assume Kirat was sending ‘Bobby’ pictures and videos.

@TooWicked

Seriously, if you hear that someone has died, and then you get told they’re actually alive but in witness protection, and then they contact you from a Facebook account under their own name while they’re apparently in witness protection, WHY aren’t huge alarm bells ringing?

If you’ve liked this you will also like ‘Do You Know Mordechai?’.

Like Sweet Bobby, I’m listening to it going “whaaaaaattttt” at the sheer gullibility of the people involved.

Brilliant, I'm going to give that other podcast a go, thanks!

@TooWicked

Seriously, if you hear that someone has died, and then you get told they’re actually alive but in witness protection, and then they contact you from a Facebook account under their own name while they’re apparently in witness protection, WHY aren’t huge alarm bells ringing?

If you’ve liked this you will also like ‘Do You Know Mordechai?’.

Like Sweet Bobby, I’m listening to it going “whaaaaaattttt” at the sheer gullibility of the people involved.

Thank you for this recommendation. Once I have recovered from the trauma of "Sweet Bobby" I will give it a go.

I'm on the second episode and she says she was intimate but never sent photos or videos.

I can see how catfishing happens (I'm early 40s) but the shere length of time this went on for beggars belief. Never had his Skype camera on either

I guess it's a sunk cost fallacy?

Well thanks for that I’ve just listened to the whole thing. Unbelievable that either party could keep this going for so long. So many times that she should have known. I suppose it’s just hard to imagine how someone can ignore so many red flags and get drawn into it so completely.

I can only think Kirat must have low self esteem for her to believe that the relationship was good enough to invest so much in. Can't think how else she would have wasted 10 years on it.

I was HOOKED - a week was far too long between episodes 😂

Seriously though, I think it’s terrible that Simran wasn’t held accountable for her actions and the fact that she only apologised with conditions just goes to show what a controlling, calculated and narcissistic person she must be

@Mara263

I was HOOKED - a week was far too long between episodes 😂

Seriously though, I think it’s terrible that Simran wasn’t held accountable for her actions and the fact that she only apologised with conditions just goes to show what a controlling, calculated and narcissistic person she must be

Sounded like Simran was no longer in her high profile job after everything came out. Hopefully she did suffer some consequences to her actions in some respects.

So I have no doubt she was duped but it's hard to accept just how naive kirat was to let this go on for so long... Can't say more because I don't want to drop any spoilers. I thought it was an excellent story. Can I also recommend s-Town.

I enjoyed it but kept going OH COME ON. There’s red flags and then there’s this. I feel very sorry for her but how can she say she’s not naive? Witness protection, multiple heart attacks, surgeries, cancer, I mean at some point unless you were utterly, utterly naive alarm bells would ring.

Simran showed incredible dedication. I think they said she had about 40 profiles in the go. Weirdest thing was Bobby was just living his life with his wife and child not that far away from Kirat and bobbys dead brother was alive but in the whole 10 years they never ran into each other at a wedding or something despite having tons of mutuals.
Simran sounds absolutely bonkers. I can see how inventing all those stories and that whole world is fun but just write some fanfic, don’t involve actual people.
I have a bit of sympathy for Kirat. I’ve had an online friendship going on for around 10 years with someone I’ve never met and it is something we’ve both talked about (catfishing) as we’ve both told each other things that are quite private but there is no romance and we don’t ask each other for money. It’s basically a pen friend relationship and if she did turn out to be my crazy cousin I don’t feel I’ve invested more than I can lose iyswim. I can see how long term online relationships develop though.

I suppose if you've already spent several years chatting online to this 'guy' in a low key way, and you know he's a real person that you've actually met before, and suddenly some shit happens in his life that sounds crazy and unbelievable but about 40 of his relatives are discussing it with you and amongst each other on facebook, and several of them are also people that you know are real, including your goody two-shoes cousin who regularly discusses the whole thing with you in real life... it's probably more plausible to think that the crazy events did actually happen, than that your cousin has been orchestrating this elaborate years long deception to target you personally with no motive, especially when at the start of it all you barely even knew each other. So I don't think Kirat was necessarily gullible in that respect.

What I find more odd is that she stayed so invested for so long. Even with all the drama, you'd think after a while your real life relationships would start to take priority again, over something that was happening thousands of miles away to people you barely knew before it all kicked off. Especially as she clearly had good friends and a job she liked - it's not like this was a lonely and unfulfilled person where this 'relationship' was filling some kind of void in her life. It's hard to see what she was really getting out of it at any point.

Thank you for starting this thread OP, I was dying to discuss this podcast series after hearing it this week!

The podcast team were very sympathetic to Kirat, understandably, as she was sharing a very personal story but I don’t think they really interrogated why Kirat believed all the outlandish and absurd events. Bobby died, then he came back to life, then he was in witness protection, then he had a stroke, then he had a heart attack whilst he was in the phone to her etc, it was completely bonkers. Maybe she was too involved but I think there did need to be some more explanation as to how Kirat ended up believing all this.

I also wanted to know what got Simran to confess. It seemed to be the threat of police and possibly her brother but her coming completely clean rather than just shutting down her profiles warranted more discussion.

Additionally the fact that Simran had a high flying financial career (became the Vice President of Barclays) maintained 50 odd fake profiles, had constant contact with a person involving 13 hour phone calls where she was impersonating a man, I mean sheesh, where the hell did she find the energy or time?!

I do hope Kirat does recover and has a family as she did want to have kids. Good luck to her.

@Herewearestar I totally agree with you on the point about not questioning Kirat harder on the totally and utterly bizarre scenarios Bobby found himself in. He was in witness protection? But could use Facebook under his real name? He had cancer, and strokes, and heart attacks, but somehow pulled through it all? Oh, and he also managed to threaten sleeping with his nurse if Kirat wasn't towing the line. So despite being incapacitated, he could get it up for a shag.
Kirat saying they'd "Fall asleep to each other breathing" on the phone, when the other person is several hours time zones behind you Really? Use your brain!

And Simran, where the fuck did she find the time? All those profiles, all the typing out of messages, all those separate email addresses linked to separate profiles that require logging in, logging out, logging in. Hours and hours spent on the phone. How did she manage to do her job, and have a social life, and do all this catfishing?

I felt sorry for Kirat and her dad. The dads obviously mortified and just wants the whole sorry saga to go away, and Kirat feels her dad isn't being supportive. Sad on both sides. I hope their relationship is ok now.

Will listen to the podcast, never heard if this case. Sounds awful

the whole 10 years they never ran into each other at a wedding or something despite having tons of mutuals

I find this flabbergasting. I don't know how similar the Sikh community is to mine (Jewish), but it sounds like there is the same "everyone knowing your business" element, and I can't get my head around how Kirat wouldn't have spoken to one of Bobby's relatives at some point - at a wedding or a funeral.

I listened to the whole thing last week. Absolutely flabbergasting. Poor Kirat.

People are saying they hope the police take action - I hope they do, too - but now Simran has been publicly named and shamed her life won't be the same. She will suffer. Apparently she's no longer in her high powered job.

I started out sympathetic towards Kirat (and still am to a certain extent) but got increasingly exasperated with her. They never even FaceTimed ffs! I also thought the podcast wasn’t strong enough in questioning her about how she fell for it for so long. Simran clearly has problems but like many of us she must have been incredulous that Kirat went along with it.

Wow this was a good podcast. I was gripped!

I have just listened to this and I am slightly reassured to see that posters on here also think that Kirat was dim and gullible.

As a pp has said, witness protection doesn't mean that your relatives go round telling everyone that you have gone into witness protection - that would slightly defeat the object. And you certainly wouldn't carry on using your existing SM accounts under your real name.

How many fucking times can you fall for having a heart attack/stroke when the situation gets too sticky.

Also, Skyping with the camera off and never bringing up the nightclub encounter. Bonkers.

I don't understand how if she was talking to 'Bobby' she didn't realise it was a woman? I know 'he' said he had a squeaky voice due to the stroke but come on, Really??

I thought it was really well done.

I was (am) sympathetic to Kiran but by the end it was 'really'? Surely when he would never see her - that was the red flag. Surely she has seen the MTV show?!!

Whilst of course it was deceitful - I don't think there is a crime unless she had been defrauded of money.

If its simply a 'online relationship' then there is no crime as far as I can see, even if the person on the end is a catfish.

The fact that Kirat invested so heavily - emotionally, with her time and her baby making years is tragic but she could have stopped it at any time.