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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing a bed

65 replies

kenpogurl · 08/11/2021 00:15

Been seeing DP for about 6 months and he’s always had this thing about not being face to face in bed (mainly to sleep but also when relaxing/chatting in bed). He won’t sleep on his back at all so either he’s got his arm around me, vice versa or backs to each other. Doesn’t really bother me, but then facing each other for some of the time wouldn’t either. If ever I turn to face him in the night he instantly says “face the wall!” and is awake until we shift around and then he falls back to sleep straight away and I’m awake wondering why it’s such a big deal. I don’t even know how he wakes up every time as he’s a really good sleeper. He says I’m being unreasonable- no one wants to face each other in bed, or breathe on each other in the night. I say he’s being a bit weird for this to be such a big thing!

Lighthearted. Just curious. AIBU?

Yes- I’m being unreasonable, couples should never face/breathe on each other in bed, ever.

No- he’s a weirdo, it’s okay to face each other sometimes during the night.

OP posts:
ChatterMonkey · 08/11/2021 15:31

I get what he means, but if he has such an issue with it then surely he just needs to turn round to face the wall if you turn to face him in your sleep?

Its him with the issue so he can adjust to make sure hes comfortable, rather than makw you uncomfortable to suit him.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/11/2021 15:34

I don't like face to face sleeping either, he shouldn't wake you up and tell you to face the wall though, if you turn in your sleep and he doesn't like it why can't he turn over?

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 08/11/2021 15:39

I can't bear DH touching or breathing on me when I'm sleeping. I'm always too hot in bed, and someone touching me makes me even hotter and very grumpy! I'd sleep on my own, given the choice!

girlmom21 · 08/11/2021 15:43

We've got a massive bed so we never get close enough to breathe on each other if we're facing each other to be fair but I wouldn't stand for someone telling me what to do when I'm trying to sleep comfortably

mrsm43s · 08/11/2021 16:00

Absolutely minging to breathe in someone's face. Someone else shouldn't have to turn over if you've turned over and started breathing in their face. Whilst barking "face the wall" isn't the best way to communicate, he's probably fed up because he's repeatedly told you he doesn't like you breathing in his face, and yet you keep ignoring his boundaries and continue to do it. He doesn't like it. Don't do it.

Vanilladreams · 08/11/2021 16:05

Me and the bf fall asleep face to face every night.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/11/2021 16:06

@mrsm43s

Absolutely minging to breathe in someone's face. Someone else shouldn't have to turn over if you've turned over and started breathing in their face. Whilst barking "face the wall" isn't the best way to communicate, he's probably fed up because he's repeatedly told you he doesn't like you breathing in his face, and yet you keep ignoring his boundaries and continue to do it. He doesn't like it. Don't do it.
By the sound of it, the OP turns in her sleep (like a lot of people do) so she's not doing it on purpose and if she turns and end up face to face with him then he's turned in towards the middle of the bed so he's allowed to turn in both directions but she's only allowed face the wall?
SnowWhitesSM · 08/11/2021 16:09

My DH would absolutely love it if I fell asleep facing him or on his chest. He even wanted to swap sides in the bed to help with that.. I can't fall asleep facing him but I do squidge up to him with my bum.

DemBonesDemBones · 08/11/2021 16:22

I think my Husband is the most attractive man in the whole world. I definitely don't want him breathing in my face at night though.

PinkSyCo · 08/11/2021 16:25

Why are you letting him order you to face the wall? Fuck that. I chop and change my sleeping positions all night, and if someone tried to tell me what position I was or wasn’t allowed to be in their position would be in a separate house in a separate fucking building!

MedusasBadHairDay · 08/11/2021 16:33

@mrsm43s

Absolutely minging to breathe in someone's face. Someone else shouldn't have to turn over if you've turned over and started breathing in their face. Whilst barking "face the wall" isn't the best way to communicate, he's probably fed up because he's repeatedly told you he doesn't like you breathing in his face, and yet you keep ignoring his boundaries and continue to do it. He doesn't like it. Don't do it.
But daft of him to sleep facing the OP if he didn't like being face to face. I can't stand sleeping face to face, so I always make sure I'm facing away that way no matter which way DH faces I'm still good. (Though him decided to nuzzle my ear and then start snoring may get him killed one day)
LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 08/11/2021 16:37

He sounds rude, but I hate breathing in someone else’s breath. Don’t like being face to face in bed.

FooFighter99 · 08/11/2021 16:46

He needs a bigger bed, so you aren't "face 2 face" even if you technically are....

AryaStarkWolf · 08/11/2021 16:56

@PinkSyCo

Why are you letting him order you to face the wall? Fuck that. I chop and change my sleeping positions all night, and if someone tried to tell me what position I was or wasn’t allowed to be in their position would be in a separate house in a separate fucking building!
Exactly, I don't like face to face either but If ended up turning in my sleep and woke up with DH facing me I'd just turn over again, I wouldn't wake him up and order him to turn
TaraR2020 · 08/11/2021 18:41

@immersivereader

If someone said to me, face the wall, they'd only say it once
This.

The not liking faces being close to each other in bed is ok, his attitude is not.

Red flag for me.

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