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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I told my friend she was irresponsible ...aibu ?

52 replies

louisasammy · 02/10/2021 12:15

My friend has recently bought a kitten.
She is now 6 months old.
She will be a house cat and she doesn't want her outside alone.
She keeps her windows open and the kitten keeps getting out into next doors garden.
I asked her why she was doing this and she said "I like fresh air"(even tho it's now autumn)

She keeps texting telling me the kitten got out again ..
So I just replied "why don't you just shut the windows,your being irresponsible and if you want to keep the kitten safe deal with it"

She hasn't spoke to me since and said I was rude and she won't shut her windows.

The mind boggles ...
Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 02/10/2021 12:21

Think you can get products to keep open windows safe (flat cats or something). Has the cat been spayed? At this rate she'll be coming back pregnant if she doesn't get lost

NoSquirrels · 02/10/2021 12:24

Crazy.

I mean, your message tone does sound rude, frankly, but having a house cat and opening the windows is nuts. Did she keep them closed all summer? Confused

Original poster
louisasammy · 02/10/2021 12:26

@NoSquirrels I know it might have came across that way ...but it's a few times a week she's texting saying the kitten got out again.
Yet she's still opening the windows
Yeah they are open every day

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 02/10/2021 12:28

She will be a house cat and she doesn't want her outside alone.

This is the issue. Not all cat have an indoor cat temperament so she’s starting from a place of being unreasonable.

BornIn78 · 02/10/2021 12:31

YANBU, and now that you’ve said your piece, just stop replying to her texts about the kitten getting out. Don’t be tempted to get involved in offering suggestions or solutions.

Your friend is as thick as mince if they haven’t yet worked out that a cat will get out of an open window.

BashfulClam · 02/10/2021 12:32

I open my wi died every day no matter the season to let fresh air circulate so I understand but she needs to block the cat from getting out.

Cocomarine · 02/10/2021 12:33

There are only 3 ways you should end up with an indoor cat, that I can think of:

  • get a cat. Discover it chooses not to go out.
  • decide you want an indoor cat, go to rescue place and rehome that wants to be indoors.
  • have cat and in time for health reasons you need to keep it indoors.

Just getting a kitten and deciding it’s an indoor cat is cruel, and I’d have been less interested in a friendship after that anyway.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 02/10/2021 12:39

She is bu to have only 1 dkitten.
She is bu to decide it's lifestyle.
She is bu to not expect it to fuck off out an open window.

LagneyandCasey · 02/10/2021 12:41

YANBU. It's cruel to keep her as an indoor cat but not ensure her safety. If she's had no experience outside she could end up lost or injured Sad

ThreeLittleDots · 02/10/2021 12:47

She needs to get Flat Cats fitted, and maybe a catio, but yanbu, she's an idiot.

burnoutbabe · 02/10/2021 12:51

yep, nets over windows that you can velcro on and off. I still have the velcro on the window frame and cats been gone +20 years!

TakeMe2Insanity · 02/10/2021 12:56

She needed to have got an established indoor cat.

As she has a kitten that likes going outside she needs to ensure it can go out and return safely.

Mumoblue · 02/10/2021 12:57

I’m lucky enough to have screens on my window.

I do think that some cats just don’t have indoor cat personality. My cat is an indoor cat, and she’ll happily loaf by the front door and watch the world outside.

Your friend is being foolish to create a problem and then shrug her shoulders and not try and solve it. Her kitten probably will end up pissing off through a window and not coming back.

foxy86 · 02/10/2021 12:57

I have an indoor cat, not through choice! She has got better since moving house though and spent most time outdoors in the summer, but with winter coming she will be tearing up my carpets from being inside all the time.
If your friend really wants an indoor cat she needs to prevent it going out then. I don’t see anything wrong with what you sent and would ignore any further texts about the cat escaping. Be hopes it can’t have any babies.

BluebellsGreenbells · 02/10/2021 12:59

Shame keeping them in -

She’s being unreasonable to complain about it constantly

I think you were rude in your reply.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 02/10/2021 12:59

So the cat wants to go out and isn't getting lost when she goes out - so she hasn't got a house cat. The cat will be miserable if she keeps trying to keep her locked up.

Dartfordwarblerautumn · 02/10/2021 13:01

@ThreeLittleDots

She needs to get Flat Cats fitted, and maybe a catio, but yanbu, she's an idiot.
I had to look up Catio….isn’t it just a cage for cats as in zoo cage 😱
Fluffycloudland77 · 02/10/2021 13:03

I’ve got flat cats on my windows. She’s a house cat by choice.

cushioncovers · 02/10/2021 13:03

It pisses me off that people just decide their kitten will be a house cat. Only certain breeds are suited to be indoor only cats most moggies need to go outside. Your friend needs to sort her garden out so her car can have some freedom.

DilysPhyllis · 02/10/2021 13:04

You might point out that the cat obviously doesn't want to be a house cat and that she needs to accept that and do whatever is supposed to be done to ensure cat is safe going out.

Theartexhouse · 02/10/2021 13:06

Yanbu.
I’ve a friend who whinges to me repeatedly about the same thing. There is only so many suggests I can reply with.

DameFanny · 02/10/2021 13:07

Next time she complains just send her this link letmegooglethat.com/?q=window+screen+cat+guard

cardibach · 02/10/2021 13:07

@Dartfordwarblerautumn it’s a safe enclosure that allows indoor cats to experience outdoors a bit in safety. It adds to their experiences. I have 2 rescue cats which have to be indoor - first thing I did was get a catio built as I think it’s unfair for the, never to feel the sun or wind or rain, or to watch the birds and insects. They love it. Next step is to get them a cat flap 8nto it so they can access it when I’m out or it’s too cold to have the back door wide open (ie today).

tsmainsqueeze · 02/10/2021 13:07

Totally irresponsible , i hope its spayed , stupid owner .

appleturnovers · 02/10/2021 13:10

She's definitely a bit dim (and that's putting it nicely) if she hasn't yet worked out that leaving the windows open means the kitten can get out, after the same thing happening several times a week.

That said, if you want to hang on to friendships you have to learn to occasionally bite your tongue and rephrase what you wanted to say in a kinder tone.