I told my friend she was irresponsible ...aibu ?

[louisasammy]

My friend has recently bought a kitten.
She is now 6 months old.
She will be a house cat and she doesn't want her outside alone.
She keeps her windows open and the kitten keeps getting out into next doors garden.
I asked her why she was doing this and she said "I like fresh air"(even tho it's now autumn)

She keeps texting telling me the kitten got out again ..
So I just replied "why don't you just shut the windows,your being irresponsible and if you want to keep the kitten safe deal with it"

She hasn't spoke to me since and said I was rude and she won't shut her windows.

The mind boggles ...
Was I being unreasonable?

There's a difference between what you think and what you say out loud.
Even a 'lol' at the end would have softened the message a tad. Or 'I think your cat has decided he's not an indoor cat'.
Sounds like you're fed up with her so nothing lost presumably?

The tone of your reply was rude in my opinion.

Why the "deal with it" at the end?

It sounds very immature and snippy, but maybe that's how you speak to each other.

@Brollywasntneededafterall

She is bu to have only 1 dkitten. She is bu to decide it's lifestyle. She is bu to not expect it to fuck off out an open window.

Domestic cats are by nature solitary predators, and don't need a companion. Many of them become accustomed in a multi-cat household, but it is not essential. They're not like guinea pigs, which need company.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

So the cat wants to go out and isn't getting lost when she goes out - so she hasn't got a house cat. The cat will be miserable if she keeps trying to keep her locked up.

This

Clearly she’s not actually that bothered by the cat going out is she keeps opening the windows. No one is actually that dim. And the cat is fine and comes home after it’s adventures so it’s not irresponsible to be letting the cat out, in fact it’s exactly what most cat owners do. Are you sure you didn’t miss the point OP? Any chance she was messaging in a lighthearted cats are bastards way and was expecting a haha type response from you?

She needs to get window screens.
It's not cruel to keep cats indoors, they need stimulation of course but they don't need to be outdoors.

No, she sounds like an idiot.

@Cocomarine

There are only 3 ways you should end up with an indoor cat, that I can think of:

• get a cat. Discover it chooses not to go out.
• decide you want an indoor cat, go to rescue place and rehome that wants to be indoors.
• have cat and in time for health reasons you need to keep it indoors.

Just getting a kitten and deciding it’s an indoor cat is cruel, and I’d have been less interested in a friendship after that anyway.

The number of 'outdoor cats' roaming in the average suburb is now far above what would be normal in nature, as has a really negative - and far more 'cruel' effect on our wildlife.

If the cat has started going out and is enjoying a itself it can become very difficult to keep it in by shutting windows etc it can stress out the cat a lot, effectively she now has an outdoor cat and needs to take precautionary measures such as spaying, detaching collars, flea & worming treatments.

She needs to rethink the house cat thing.

(I don’t personally agree with keeping cats inside).

If the kitten is neutered and having regular flea and worm treatment then she's not being irresponsible. She's just in denial about having an outdoor cat. If she really cared she'd buy some screens for the window.

I had to look up Catio….isn’t it just a cage for cats as in zoo cage 😱

Depends on your point of view (as Mary Poppins would say!)

Cats get run over and injured on the roads all the time. There are regular threads on here (as well as posts on social media) from owners who let their cats out and are heartbroken because they've been found squashed on the roadside.

A catio gives them the best of both worlds - they can be outside and explore/sniff but they can't venture too far and get run over, into fights, trapped in someone's shed or, unfortunately, poisoned and left for dead somewhere.

YANBU, she is irresponsible and it sounds like she shouldn’t own a cat. As has been said, it’s cruel to force a cat to be an indoor cat, it’s not a decision you can make because you’d prefer that. And if she’s got a kitten that’s too young to go outside, she needs to stop opening her windows. She’s not learning, so if she mentions it again, tell her she needs to find a new home for her cat.

And tbh, the risk of a cat getting run over etc, is just the price of owning a happy cat. They shouldn’t be imprisoned and depressed.

@icedcoffees

I had to look up Catio….isn’t it just a cage for cats as in zoo cage 😱

Depends on your point of view (as Mary Poppins would say!)

Cats get run over and injured on the roads all the time. There are regular threads on here (as well as posts on social media) from owners who let their cats out and are heartbroken because they've been found squashed on the roadside.

A catio gives them the best of both worlds - they can be outside and explore/sniff but they can't venture too far and get run over, into fights, trapped in someone's shed or, unfortunately, poisoned and left for dead somewhere.

There are 1000s of cats in this country, the ones that get runover are a tiny minority. I’ve had cats for 50 years, none of them have got run over.

I’d much rather live a free outdoor life with risk than be stuck in captivity for my entire life.

@ejhhhhh

And tbh, the risk of a cat getting run over etc, is just the price of owning a happy cat. They shouldn’t be imprisoned and depressed.

Yep.

I really, really hope the kitten is neutered.

My cats have a cat-proofed garden (fence-toppers). They aren't depressed.

@Walkingalot

There's a difference between what you think and what you say out loud. Even a 'lol' at the end would have softened the message a tad. Or 'I think your cat has decided he's not an indoor cat'. Sounds like you're fed up with her so nothing lost presumably?

This. You expressed your thoughts in a text and are wondering why shes pissed off.

Your friend is being unreasonable to force a cat to stay indoors if it wants to go out, which it clearly does. I have my windows open all year round, it's healthy to get plenty of fresh air.

But yes your message was unnecessarily rude!

I know it’s not the point of your post but what’s the reason she is keeping it as a house cat?
I don’t think it’s fair to keep cats as house cats unless it’s for health reasons, they can get really stressed being kept in doors :(

If she has a garden could she at least let the cat go in the garden and get a fence topper that stops them going out the garden? protectapet.com/products/protectapet-cat-fence-barrier-kit?variant=37756016820401&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8PSN2uKr8wIVqujtCh3t2QI6EAQYASABEgIJzfD_BwE

It pisses me off that people just decide their kitten will be a house cat. Only certain breeds are suited to be indoor only cats most moggies need to go outside.

That's bonkers.

Millions of cats of all kinds live in apartments all over the world. Nobody asked their opinion on this. You would be up to your knees in cats if they were all allowed to roam, and there would be no birds left.

I keep mine in because we have hawks and the odd coyote here, and traffic on the street out front night and day.

Indoor cat ! let the cat out .

I don't think you were wrong but the tone of your email does sound rude.

@Merryoldgoat

She will be a house cat and she doesn't want her outside alone.

This is the issue. Not all cat have an indoor cat temperament so she’s starting from a place of being unreasonable.

This.

And now the cat has been out, it’s going to know what it’s missing. We had a cat we tried to keep in and he got out once. When we caught him he became very aggressive and attacked us with intent. He caused some awful facial injuries to the person who caught him.

We let him out after that; he never attacked anyone again and he was a very loving cat in the end.

It’s cruel to keep cats in when they want to be outside.

I’ve also had cats who have refused to go outside. So it suits some cats and not others. I think true indoor-loving cats are rare.