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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dog lovers please help

36 replies

Thefieldofdreams · 22/09/2021 22:12

Hello.
I am really very upset as my old dog is in her twilight year. We are recently bereaved and am carrying so much grief.
We have been offered another dog.and I really feel that it wd be wrom
G for our elderly dog. However i also kmow that the presence of another dog would help me massively when.my okd dog passes. I wanr ro put my old dog first alomgside kmowing that i.really am struggling amd i honstely fear another loss.
Am.i bu ro put my fears and sadness first.
Mt mates say our dog will.adapt. she sleeps most of rhw day and the dog we have seen seems chilled.
Am so upset.

OP posts:

Original poster

Thefieldofdreams · 22/09/2021 22:14

Am so struggle with this and have not slept.for 2 nights.

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NiceTwin · 22/09/2021 22:15

Is the potentially new dog a puppy?

AlCalavicci · 22/09/2021 22:17

I would not get another dog while your old one is still alive , it could be to much for her , esp if it is a boisterous dog.

Wait for a while , allow yourself to grieve , then consider rescuing another dog

Raffles1981 · 22/09/2021 22:17

I'm not sure I could do it. If we had two dogs and one died, it would be a different matter. But for me, another dog in the house would just link it to the grief of losing my boy. But this is what works for you so if you honestly feel another dog would help and you are sure the atmosphere would be right, then do what works for you. Sorry about your dog OP, heres to lots of fun over the rainbow when it comes

ArcherDog · 22/09/2021 22:18

I think it would be pretty distressing for your elderly dog to bring a new dog into the house.

Original poster

Thefieldofdreams · 22/09/2021 22:18

No he is 6 and settled

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ChardonnaysPetDragon · 22/09/2021 22:18

I wouldn’t bring a new dog in now. Your old one is settled in their ways and a new dog will be disruptive.

Sorry.

Houseonahill · 22/09/2021 22:19

It depends if your current dog literally is on her last legs as in weeks to live, then I would say no as your current dog needs your attention but if she's just old and the new dog is a puppy I think it might be good for all, anecdotally we got a puppy when our dog was 11 and he loved her, and my friend got a puppy earlier this year and her older dog was quite poorly and she says the older dog has almost got a new lease of life, she's much more playful and lively than she was. So long as the old dog has somewhere quiet to escape to if they need it I don't see the harm

Frequency · 22/09/2021 22:19

It really depends on the dogs involved. For the odd few an older dog and a puppy can work out. For most it doesn't.

I have a five month old pup with a 14yo senior but I worked for a rescue when the senior was younger so he was used to random dogs coming and going and very good at exerting his boundaries and claiming his space without aggression. The pup came from a rescue where he was very heavily socialised with dogs of all ages and learned from day one to respect the boundaries of other dogs.

It's actually benefitted the senior as he now "plays" instead of sleeping all day. His play involves standing in the middle of the room barking in order to encourage the pup to run zoomies around him rather than actual physical play but they both seem to enjoy it.

Is there any way you could trial it for a week?

chequeredinlove · 22/09/2021 22:21

My parents thought my old dog who is 15 would suffer being around my young and energetic rescues. Instead she plays with them and it’s like seeing a young dog again.

It won’t hurt your old dog, I would get the new dog. The grief is too much, it isn’t bearable and I’d do anything to not feel the pain quite so much.

Yarboosucks · 22/09/2021 22:21

You would need to see how the two dogs get along. Let you old dog decide. BUT the younger dog will not ease the pain of your older dog passing

Original poster

Thefieldofdreams · 22/09/2021 22:22

I 100% know that i am trying to protect myself as much as i can from the grief of loosimg ly dog. I know that i will still.grieve but that another dog wd make me get.up and walk it.and go out.
I rhink i need to.have grief councellimg.lomg term.as i now feat loss so much but i need to cope in the meantime

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XenoBitch · 22/09/2021 22:23

@Thefieldofdreams

No he is 6 and settled

6 is no age at all for a dog, unless you have something like a Great Dane, and even that is not twilight years age.

My dog is 11, and I have thought about getting another dog now, but she is set in her ways and doesn't like to share me or her house with other dogs. It all depends on the personality of your dog really.

Original poster

Thefieldofdreams · 22/09/2021 22:27

How do i actually tell.if.my dog is ok with other dog . She is not demostrative

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BlueSuffragette · 22/09/2021 22:28

I think it really depends on your old dog. Bringing another dog in could just stress her out. However, if they do bond then you will have the added issue of the younger one pining for the old dog when she dies. As somebody has already said, the younger dog won't really help with you grieving the loss of your much loved old companion. It's a really tough call. Good luck with whatever you decide and best wishes to your lovely old dog. Xx

Poshjock · 22/09/2021 22:28

I was in exactly this position with the young dog being offered by family that couldn’t cope with him. We took him initially while family were on holiday to see how our old boy would be so we had an opportunity to back out if it didn’t work. As it turned out they were amazing together. Old boy couldn’t go walks and not at all bothered that we took young one out alone. Young pup was very respectful and gentle with old boy and they lay together. Old one let young one lick his face and ears - something he never let any other dog do since his brother passed 2 years before. It was touching to see and we were much reassured. It also seemed to calm pup down too. As it turned out they were only together a few short months before failing health forced our hand and we lost our old boy at the age of 12. I don’t regret our decision at all and it did not diminish my love or pain for my old Labrador, but it did help to distract and redirect having the young lad around. I’d do it again.

Is there any option for an introduction period for you?

XenoBitch · 22/09/2021 22:29

@Thefieldofdreams

How do i actually tell.if.my dog is ok with other dog . She is not demostrative

Have another dog visit your house. Do you have a friend that has a dog?

Original poster

Thefieldofdreams · 22/09/2021 22:30

I will ask if he can comwe on trial.

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Original poster

Thefieldofdreams · 22/09/2021 22:32

Poshjock beautiful

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Phoenix76 · 22/09/2021 22:32

Has your dog met the other dog? I would want to see how they are around each other before making any decisions, it could be as pp suggested something that would give your dog a new wind or it could be too stressful for them.
Please don’t torture yourself with thoughts of your dog passing. We lost our elderly yorkie last year and I’d spent his last months panicking about it rather than enjoying him. Your dog is a very lucky one having you loving them so much (it’s very clear in your post) but I’ve learnt the sacrifice we have for the honour of having them in our lives is they are taken too soon. I know the pain very well, but when the time comes you will bear it, one day at a time. Don’t put pressure on yourself just find the path that’s right for all of you.

Honeyroar · 22/09/2021 22:32

I think it’s a horrible thing to do to an elderly dog. Lots of people do it, because they’re putting themselves and their needs ahead of that of their elderly old friend. Personally I’d give your old dog a loving, peaceful twilight, not throw a younger dog into their life who takes some of the limelight.

Original poster

Thefieldofdreams · 22/09/2021 22:33

22:29XenoBitch yes my dog copes fine with visiti ng dogs
She just sleeps most of the time

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XenoBitch · 22/09/2021 22:34

@Thefieldofdreams

I will ask if he can comwe on trial.

Start with them meeting on neutral ground such as on a walk in the park. If you are considering adopting your next dog, any decent rescue would arrange a few meetings with your current dog anyway to see if there are any issues.

Original poster

Thefieldofdreams · 22/09/2021 22:36

See someone has postwd that is a horrible thing.to do.to.an old dog am absolutely flooded with tears that that coyld be the case. My worse fear for my lovley dog.

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Original poster

Thefieldofdreams · 22/09/2021 22:42

It is like my old dog has withdrawn . She sits near but not on the sofa with me. Shw sleeps most of thw day. I know i am try ro cushion the loss. Ahw has bewn my constant companion and i love her and i donr know how ro bear ir othwr than to give myself an addirional .distraction

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