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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dog lovers please help

36 replies

Thefieldofdreams · 22/09/2021 22:12

Hello.
I am really very upset as my old dog is in her twilight year. We are recently bereaved and am carrying so much grief.
We have been offered another dog.and I really feel that it wd be wrom
G for our elderly dog. However i also kmow that the presence of another dog would help me massively when.my okd dog passes. I wanr ro put my old dog first alomgside kmowing that i.really am struggling amd i honstely fear another loss.
Am.i bu ro put my fears and sadness first.
Mt mates say our dog will.adapt. she sleeps most of rhw day and the dog we have seen seems chilled.
Am so upset.

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 23/09/2021 01:01

@Thefieldofdreams dogs live for the now, not the future. Us humans think about the future, and worry about it. I guarantee your dog is living in the now. Learn from your dog. Rather than worry about that awful time all pet owners face, live for the moment. Get out for nice walks with your dog.. take loads of photos and film every daft moment.
Worrying about the future can suck the joy from the present.

Floralnomad · 23/09/2021 01:03

@Honeyroar

I think it’s a horrible thing to do to an elderly dog. Lots of people do it, because they’re putting themselves and their needs ahead of that of their elderly old friend. Personally I’d give your old dog a loving, peaceful twilight, not throw a younger dog into their life who takes some of the limelight.
Totally agree with this , sorry OP .
Wegobshite · 23/09/2021 01:24

I’ve had old dogs and puppies and it’s always given the old dogs a new lease of life
My old ones would be a bit more active and would let the puppies play with her but she was not above the odd bark at boisterous pup if she felt like it
But it also helped the puppy to learn some manners 😂

Cabbagepie · 23/09/2021 10:18

I think it depends on the dogs and how they gel together. My sister had an elderly dog - large breed aged 14 - and looked after a friends younger dog when their child became unwell. This was meant to be a short term arrangement but sadly ongoing treatment needs at a specialist hospital meant a longer term plan for the younger dog was needed. The two dogs got on well and as much as the older dog was my sisters companion, the younger dog seemed to give it a new interest in life. The younger dog was only 3 but calm and respectful of the older one and they just got on. She has decided to keep the younger dog permanently - it was more work as she walked them both together for short walks and then exercised the younger one while the older one slept. She had just under a year before the older dog passed away and has no regrets.

Anordinarymum · 23/09/2021 10:24

When you have an older dog that has settled into a sedimentary routine, introducing a new younger dog can give your dog a new zest for life, and it can also bring you joy which you could perhaps do with a shot or two of right now x x

WiddlinDiddlin · 23/09/2021 10:29

If you have the option of a trial period, then I don't think its unfair to try it out.

Your old dog is ok with visitors, you are reasonably sure the new dog is generally ok with other dogs.

Be aware that settling into a new home is hard even for a steady sensible dog, AND the presence of an elderly, frail dog CAN be stressful and can trigger anxiety and unfortunately some unpleasant behaviours in some dogs (they can attempt to attack the old dog, drive it out of the home or kill it. It is unusual, but it does happen).

As long as you'd be home all the time to properly monitor them through a trial period and then, presuming the trial went well, for some time to come... then I can't see a problem.

Some other things to be aware of:

If its likely you will lose the old dog soon, will you genuinely be able to cope with the new dog. If theres a possibility that you may then feel as if the new dog pushed the old dog out... or simply that you won't feel able to care for new dog.. then don't do it.

Settling into a new home is tough on any dog, you are realistically looking at this dog settling into your home that already has a frail elderly dog (Stressful) .. and then that dog passing (potentially also stressful) - will you be home to support and monitor this situation.

You may well be right that a new younger dog will perk up your older dog - i HAVE found that to be the case here on a number of occasions.

I have also found young dogs to be deeply shocked and upset when an older dog passes - we always let them see the body once they are gone, so they are not wondering where they went and if they'll return, but that can be upsetting in itself.

I think if you're fully prepared (as you can be) for all eventulities here, its not automatically the wrong thing to do. It is something I have done and many of my colleagues (all dog trainers/behaviourists like me) have done, under consideration and with care. It can work out really well!

SunshineCake1 · 23/09/2021 10:35

Is this dog the one who the owner wants you to buy it from them?

Flowersinglass · 23/09/2021 10:52

@SunshineCake1

Is this dog the one who the owner wants you to buy it from them?
I was about to post this exact thing! If it is the OP clearly didn’t like the advice given on the doghouse page…they aren’t doing any better here…
Hoppinggreen · 23/09/2021 10:57

Take the advice you have already been given on a The Doghouse and stop posting in multiple places until you get the answer you want

thereisonlyoneofme · 23/09/2021 11:00

I think it d epends on the health of your old dog. I had a 12 year old dog who was fairly healthy for his age. Id had always had 2 dogs previously
I rescued another dog who was 7. I was very careful to match the new dog to the old, I knew he would hate a dog jumping all over him and generally getting in his face. He was one for the quiet life. He ignored new dog and she kept her distance from him. It worked until the old lad died last year. Now Ive got one dog and would dearly love another, but due to health reasons cant have one. I would go for it personally.

Thefieldofdreams · 23/09/2021 18:02

Met the dog and owner. Waa offered a trial period.as both wanted to.absolutely secure the best outcome for both dogs.
However, I think that on balance I will leave it an focus on my.older dog. This dog.was a very good match and she and owner lovley just...perhaps at the wrong time. Next time i will look to.a second dog when the first dog is a bit younger.lesson learnt.
Wd be intrested to know a good age for introduction of second dog for future ref please.

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