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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at DH for this?

209 replies

AngryLittleMummy · 14/11/2007 18:28

I am furious. Earlier on DD (2) was messing about with the remote controls (we have 3, one for tv, DVD, sky remote) anyway, he managed to turn on the dvd player and on came a bloody blue movie, I was horrified. OK I know DH watches it now and again (never when I or the kids are around thats for sure) and it doesn't really bother me BUT to leave it carelessly in the player is downright stupid. He could have at least hidden it. He gets this DVDs from his pervo mates at work.

Can you imagine if my parents or his parents were there when this happened or worse still a visitor? Could have been a health visitor checking the little one.

I am currently not speaking to him for this and threw his dvd in the bin (cracked it in half first and its not even his) ha ha.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LuckySalem · 14/11/2007 20:37

Don't have kids yet and when I do i probably still won't put a lock on the door I'll just shut it. We'll probably only have sex when the child is asleep or out BUT if I do ever get caught doing something that is overly sexual I will not expect my child to develop some sort of illness from it.
Same as if they ever found porn and managed to watch 2 seconds in the time it takes me to get up and turn it off I wouldn't expect them to get hurt by it.
I'd be more worried if they started to do stuff (which alot of children way under age are doing)

themildmanneredjanitor · 14/11/2007 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ELF1981 · 14/11/2007 20:38

Oh Jesus!

Or are we going to put our toddlers in front of "Anal Teen Sluts 43" (yes that's the kind of thing those lovely guys who definitely aren't pervs are watching) because it won't do them any harm because they won't remember it?

NO I AM NOT SUGGESTING THIS!! The child saw what, two seconds of something on the telly? The OP was in the room and any parent would have acted so fast they probably would not have registered what they were seeing!!

BritTex · 14/11/2007 20:38

Breaking the dvd is not justified. she has every right to be upset and she needs to tell dh not behave like a criminal. I think if DC's find out Mummy broke the DVD when angry what message is that sending ?

normabutty · 14/11/2007 20:39

Elizabetth, you really believe that because it was porn ALM is allowed to destroy it? What if it was a horror movie, should she have destroyed that because it might scare her child????

ELF1981 · 14/11/2007 20:40

iesha - no offense

We dont lock our doors (I wont have locks on our doors) as DD still gets up in the middle of the night and wanders in. it was her first week without the cot bars up, so first time she woke up "at the wrong time" and she just walked in.

LuckySalem · 14/11/2007 20:42

EVERYONE IS ALLOWED TO GET NAGGY - Everyone is allowed to shout and scream but it wasn't hers to break. I'm assuming ALM knew it wasn't her DH's when she broke it and if not am quite shocked that now knowing it isn't DHs she isn't embarassed or apologetic about it but happy.

If I caught a DVD where my child could easily see it YES I would be annoyed, YES I would shout and scream BUT I wouldn't be breaking the DVD, just DH's "happy" hand!! lol

iesha · 14/11/2007 20:42

normabutty, i was just thinking the same thing

ELF1981 · 14/11/2007 20:42

Elizabetth - actually, destorying the DVD shows rage in front of a child.

Personally, I would have left the DVD out of reach, and spoke to my DH about it, reitterating all the points like "but DD saw it" and "anybody could have been in the house" "how stupid were you" "what were you thinking" as I find that DH ends up feeling guilty and I end up with the upper hand, being calm and getting my point across and not looking like a toddler having a tantrum.

Elizabetth · 14/11/2007 20:42

The point is that the OP might not have been in the room. She might have left for five minutes. Then what?

You don't leave matches or bleach around for toddlers to get their hands on. Why should porn be any different?

A protective instinct towards children is wonderful. I wish my Mum had got so angry about my Dad because of his porn collection but she didn't she let him keep it, and my brother kept finding it and showing me stuff.

themildmanneredjanitor · 14/11/2007 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BritTex · 14/11/2007 20:44

ALM's dh made a mistake not geting the dvd out of the player, he did not intentionally do it to halm his kids! maybe ALM could look at why she reacted in such an -angry- way? does his watching porn really upset you this much or is it that DD may have seen it or are you angry with him for something else and this just topped it off?

normabutty · 14/11/2007 20:45

No, your right you don't leave porn lying around the room. You also don't shout scream and break things in front of a child just because you're angry. That does damage to a child too.

LuckySalem · 14/11/2007 20:45

Elizabeth - If porn has upset you so much then I feel sorry for you and hope that it's not affecting you that much now.
HOWEVER, the point is not that is was a porn DVD it was that she broke it which is what we're all getting at.

As elf has said - if it were a horror film would she have been justified? (when I say horror I mean, real scary gruesome stuff)

What if it had been the bottle of bleach that he'd forgotten to put away (or something harmful like that?) would she have been justified in breaking that?

ELF1981 · 14/11/2007 20:46

I have a protective instinct towards my DD but I recently put a pack of tablets where I thought she could not reach, and she got hold of them while I was in the other room.

Should I be classed as a shite mum just because I failed in that one instance? We all make mistakes.

If my DH had come home and broke something of mine to teach me a lesson, what would you be saying?

No matter what happened, ALM did not have the right to break the DVD!

iesha · 14/11/2007 20:46

Elizabeth, then she had a right to be angry with DH for forgetting to remove the DVD, but not for showing violence in front of her DD.

normabutty · 14/11/2007 20:46

you're

themildmanneredjanitor · 14/11/2007 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VictorianSqualor · 14/11/2007 20:47

It wasn't his DVD!!

Of course she is not being unreasonable to be pissed off at her daughter seeing it, especially with the possibility that under different circumstances her daughter may have accidently turned it on and watched quite a bit before she turned it off.

Elizaebtth, yes, hang-ups, you obviously have a problem with p0rn, and on almost every thread I have ever seen you are calling men perverts for daring to find something sexy.

I do not know what happened to make you watch pron at such a young age, and I do feel for whatever you have gone through, but lets not make sweeping generalisations here, not all men that watch porn are perverts.

Not all porn is degrading to women, and not all porn is likely to scar a child.

The OP was unreasonable to break someone elses DVD, but it is understandable.

She also is obviously not as comfortable as she claimed in her OP with him watching it, which she should deal with, without being made to feel like a ridiculous immature prude or a championed as an over active feminist out there burning her bra for all womankind.

What this boils down to is her feeling angry, which is to be expected, all most people were saying was that she should take a step back and maybe feel bad about smashing up something that she knew didn't belong to her or her DH.

Elizabetth · 14/11/2007 20:47

"i can't believe this has turned into the rights and wrongs of breaking the fucking dvd."

Thou shalt not question a man's right to his porn.

Neither must you never show righteous anger towards his idiocy and negligence - ladylike compliance is a must at all times, even if it comes at the expense of your children and your self respect.

ELF1981 · 14/11/2007 20:48

themildmanneredjanitor - I am not saying that ALM does not have the right to be angry with her DH, but sometimes spending the whole evening reitterating to DH that he did something wrong sinks in better than chucking a tantrum and breaking something.

Now her DH is probably going to think "cant believe she broke that sodding DVD" rather than "bugger, I was so stupid to leave it in the DVD player, I must NEVER do that again"

iesha · 14/11/2007 20:49

OK TMMJ, fair enough, she may well have a big enough house that she could be far enough away from her DD when she lost her temper, but as the DD saw the DVD it probably happened in the same room

Elizabetth · 14/11/2007 20:49

Don't make this about me Victorian Squalor or I'll start asking what kind of porn you like to use. What sort of degradation of vulnerable, abused women comes top of your list?

normabutty · 14/11/2007 20:49

TMMJ, if ALM has a problem with watching porn then she needs to behave like an adult and talk rationally to her dh about it. She needs to sit him down and talk about how she feels. She needs to make it clear to him that it is not acceptable.

That is how she should have behaved, instead she broke the dvd.

goingfriggincrazy · 14/11/2007 20:49

cannot believe people are on here calling men that watch porn pervs-wake up to the real world,porn or sexual images have been around for thousands of years and men AND Women (whether married or not)have the personal right to view it.
Yeah the OP husband wasn't careful and left the dvd in the player..but heck,the child briefly saw it for what........3 seconds? I'm damn sure that child wont remember that in the future...as for Elizabeth-I too have been sexualy abused as a child but after therapy and working through my demons-I see porn for what it is,just that...We aren't talking about a child subjected to sexual abuse via being forced to watch porn films,this is a case of a bloke forgetting to take a damn porn dvd out of the player..

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