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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at DH for this?

209 replies

AngryLittleMummy · 14/11/2007 18:28

I am furious. Earlier on DD (2) was messing about with the remote controls (we have 3, one for tv, DVD, sky remote) anyway, he managed to turn on the dvd player and on came a bloody blue movie, I was horrified. OK I know DH watches it now and again (never when I or the kids are around thats for sure) and it doesn't really bother me BUT to leave it carelessly in the player is downright stupid. He could have at least hidden it. He gets this DVDs from his pervo mates at work.

Can you imagine if my parents or his parents were there when this happened or worse still a visitor? Could have been a health visitor checking the little one.

I am currently not speaking to him for this and threw his dvd in the bin (cracked it in half first and its not even his) ha ha.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
AngryLittleMummy · 14/11/2007 19:23

How did you find out Santamissy?

OP posts:
DrNortherner · 14/11/2007 19:26

Personally I think you should go to the sex shop and buy another copy of the film

What was it by the way?

Santasmissyontheside · 14/11/2007 19:28

And i think i would have either burst into tears again and go off my rocker at him or break it and throw it at him. but then thats just me.

BritTex · 14/11/2007 19:29

think about it from DH's point of view and how he is feeling. he has shown some respect by only viewing it in his own time and you have accepted this. he made a mistake by leaving it in the dvd player, he is human (if only a man but still human and subject to mistakes), and he has shown remorse. now he is faced with the embarasment of telling his mates that the dvd has been destroyed by his wife. If this was my relationship and I did not calmly tell my DH that I was upset by the situation I know that there would be a huge row on the horizon.

Santasmissyontheside · 14/11/2007 19:33

Sorry didn't see that question.

I figured it out because i had left my love actually in the player and i went to play it again- i watch it doing the ironing. It wasn't in the player it was in the box so rang him at work and he is incapable of lying to me!

I'm a jealous person though and i felt really hurt. He's not brought it home again in fact that was the only time he had. He has a wank obviously lol

iesha · 14/11/2007 19:35

FWIW, I think you are in the wrong for breaking the DVD, it was not yours. I think you're in the wrong for not voicing your opinion on porn to your DH, and letting him know you do not want it in the house.
I think you are right to be mad that your child saw the DVD, but you reacted badly, and you owe your DH and his mate an appology.

And FWIW porn is not demeaning to women- they get paid very well for what they do.

And why does no-one ever say that porn is demeaning to men? Men act in porn films too and a lot of women like to watch it.

Minum · 14/11/2007 19:35

There are very few things worth rowing about imo, and we dont row often, but this would be one of them - porn is wrong from a feminist perspective, and would it would break my heart on a personal perspective, its a form of infidelity. So breaking a DVD is trivial in comparison to how strongly I would feel (and have felt from personal experience).

BritTex · 14/11/2007 19:38

Its a form of infidelity if your dh/dp is aware of your feelings. BUT if you have not objected to it then you cannot be justified with breaking someone elses property.

Original poster
AngryLittleMummy · 14/11/2007 19:39

iesha - There is no way I owe my DH's mate an apology. you say porn is not demeaning to women but how many of them have drug problems and only do it to feed their addiction? Maybe its the same for the men in porn.

OP posts:
Santasmissyontheside · 14/11/2007 19:39

If it were my dh his friends are my friends and they know me too well.

We work together and couple years back i went to get something out dh bag food i think i was constantly eating being heavily pg. Anyhow i found two dvd's i went mad. Hormones obviously multiplying it! Dh swore they were our friends i didn't believe him and refused to talk to him. Bit later one embarrassed friend of ours explained they were his.

The guys where i work put porn on in the crew room when we're on down time!

normabutty · 14/11/2007 19:40

Regardless of whether you think porn is degrading to women or not, it does NOT justify breaking someone else's property.

I don't like some of the music dh listens to but I don't go around breaking his cds and chucking them in the bin.

Original poster
AngryLittleMummy · 14/11/2007 19:44

Britax , in his defence he doesn't bring these dvd's home often (well, not that I know of cos he doesn't watch them in front of me) and I have made it clear I am not too happy about it, it was the fact DD saw it (only for a split second i know) but that has annoyed me so much I don't want him bringing that shit to the house anymore.

As for breaking it its up to DH to explain to his perv mate. (the porn dvd dealer guy)

OP posts:
BritTex · 14/11/2007 19:44

Women in porn star in these films for the money.

I think it obviously takes a certain type of person to be able to do that but nobody is forcing them to do it and heck they make LOT of money. Just like strippers and prostitues. they make a lot of money because there is a huge market out there and the majority of customers are of course men.
Men are men some are a little different than others but there is a large majority who given the opportunity would watch a porn movie.

normabutty · 14/11/2007 19:46

I can't believe how childish you are. Do you really believe you have the right to break someone's property because you don't like it? I'm appaulled by your behaviour tbh.

bubblagirl · 14/11/2007 19:46

you seem to be aiming all anger at his mate for giving him dvd he obviously asked for it be angry at him

but you should of told him to take it back not ruin it that was an obver the top reaction i would just ask for it to be removed from my house but with respect for his property

if you are so unhappy about dh watching it tell him how it makes you feel suggest watching it together but they are not pervs for watching it

it would make me feel insecure as i have body hang ups but i'm not against watching it i've even offered to watch it with my man he refused but unless you speak with your dh you will not resolve why he watches it and why it upsets you so much

they are just being men

you do need to apologise or replace dvd as you may not like it but that was not your property to damage and it solves nothing talking with dh will do that

iesha · 14/11/2007 19:49

ALM, no matter why they are doing it, they are doing it from thir own free will, they are not being forced. Would you say waitressing was demeaning if a woman was doing it so she could buy drugs?

normabutty · 14/11/2007 19:50

I think most people are missing the point. I don't find porn demeaning to women. I do think some people are pushed into it. HOWEVER THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN DESTROY SOMEONE ELSE'S PROPERTY.

Original poster
AngryLittleMummy · 14/11/2007 19:51

bubblagirl - how do you replace a porn film? . He prob copied it from some sick site.

iesha - I am sure a lot are doing it cos they are on drugs or similar.

OP posts:
normabutty · 14/11/2007 19:52

ALM - why don't you tell dh's mate what you did with his property and find out how you can replace it for him????

bubblagirl · 14/11/2007 19:53

lol i dont know but at least admit to your dh you over reacted and apologise to him tell him how you feel with him watching it

maybe if he understands he wont bring it home x

iesha · 14/11/2007 19:54

So what is your point- they are still doing it becasue they want to do it. there are plenty of other ways to get money, you dont need to be an actress/actor to get paid. Do you know any porn actors? I would guess not, and if not how do you know that a lot are on drugs?

BritTex · 14/11/2007 19:55

ALM - if I was you I would tell DH that you were so upset because DC saw it that you reacted by breaking the DVD, tell him you are sorry and that you will replace/pay for it. While you are on the subject I think you should let your DH know your true feelings about porn. If you dont want him to watch it in your house you need to tell him and tell him why. tell him your feeling and then you will get some empathy instead of backing DH into a corner where he would be forced to defend himself. Good Luck.

Elizabetth · 14/11/2007 19:55

"Women in porn star in these films for the money.

I think it obviously takes a certain type of person to be able to do that but nobody is forcing them to do it and heck they make LOT of money. Just like strippers and prostitues. they make a lot of money because there is a huge market out there and the majority of customers are of course men. "

The certain type of person who appears in porn is normally a very young woman who has been sexually abused as a child or raped and is on drugs (and if she's not on drugs before she starts she soon will be given the horror that they have to endure on porn sets).

They don't make a lot of money - the people who make a lot of money from porn are the men who run the business. The women in it are commodities - bought and sold between men.

AngryLittleMummy, YANBU. It's incredibly careless of him to leave a pornography DVD where a child can see it.

Also what kind of a workplace is it where the men pass around porn videos? I hope women don't work there because that sounds like a sexually hostile atmosphere.

normabutty · 14/11/2007 19:57

NONE OF IT JUSTIFIES YOU BREAKING SOMEONE ELSE'S PROPERTY.

Original poster
AngryLittleMummy · 14/11/2007 19:58

Britax - no I don't know any porn stars but who would advertise the fact that they were?

The only reason they do what they do is obviously because the money is good so why do they need good money quickly, well for bloody drugs thats what.

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