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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed at DH for this?

209 replies

AngryLittleMummy · 14/11/2007 18:28

I am furious. Earlier on DD (2) was messing about with the remote controls (we have 3, one for tv, DVD, sky remote) anyway, he managed to turn on the dvd player and on came a bloody blue movie, I was horrified. OK I know DH watches it now and again (never when I or the kids are around thats for sure) and it doesn't really bother me BUT to leave it carelessly in the player is downright stupid. He could have at least hidden it. He gets this DVDs from his pervo mates at work.

Can you imagine if my parents or his parents were there when this happened or worse still a visitor? Could have been a health visitor checking the little one.

I am currently not speaking to him for this and threw his dvd in the bin (cracked it in half first and its not even his) ha ha.

AIBU?

OP posts:
normabutty · 14/11/2007 20:01

Do you know what is really ironic ALM? You have a very low opinion of your dh & his mate because they watch porn, which is a legal activity and yet you seem to justify your own criminal damage.

I am at you.

lennygirl · 14/11/2007 20:01

Message withdrawn

BritTex · 14/11/2007 20:02

ALM I am sure there are pornstars that do have drug habits there are pornstars that dont. Dont tar everyone with the same brush. I cannot beleive that I am defending pornstars but i do beleive that people have to right to do for a living what they can and what they are prepare to do. The reason your DH was watching porn has absolutly nothing to do with financing a pornstars drug habit. he watches it because he is a man, thats the bottom line. Men who like porn probably will always like porn and I dont think your feelings will change that but expressing your feelings will allow him to respect you.

lennygirl · 14/11/2007 20:03

Message withdrawn

normabutty · 14/11/2007 20:04

BritTex - he watches it cos he likes porn, not because he's a man!!! I watch porn and I'm not a man (I promise )

iesha · 14/11/2007 20:04

maybe they need money to pay off debts, not everyone is on drugs. I know someone who used to run a porn website, he got a lot of "readers wives" kind of people sending in pics, with the wives permission, some of them were even sent by the women. They were not paid for the pics, obviously didn't find it demeaning, and just liked the thrill of being lusted after by men. each to their own in the long run

LuckySalem · 14/11/2007 20:04

YANBU - About the porn being left around

YABU - For breaking it and not talking to your hubby. Also for calling him and his mates pervs for watching something that nowadays alot of men (and a fair few wmen, me included) watch now and then.

Am pregnant so being over the top here but alot of people could take that kinda comment as you calling us and our partners pervs.

My advice is - apologise for breaking the DVD and explain why you did it. Tell him you will go half on the DVD to replace it and that you would prefer it if he kept his DVD's away from where children could see it. Also perhaps a TV and DVD player for the bedroom for xmas for him?

Elizabetth · 14/11/2007 20:05

Allowing a child to see pornography is classed as sexual abuse if we're talking legalities here.

Can't believe people are worried about the damage to property rather than the possible damage to the lo's psyche (hopefully it won't have any effect because it's a one off, but still it's not a risk worth taking).

Not all men like watching pornography becasue not all men like to see women sexually degraded.

ELF1981 · 14/11/2007 20:05

YABU

Firstly, your two year old is not going to be scarred for the fact that this DVD came on, my DD walked in on DH and I having sex the other week, good God, call social services.

Secondly, whether you like it or not, your DH likes to watch porn, be thankful that he has not kept this a secret from you and you stumble across a hundred sites when looking at his computer like some other women have found.

Thirdly, you damaged somebody elses property. Porn is actually expensive (unless a copy version) and you should not have broken it.

Apologise to your husband for breaking the DVD, as he has apologies to you for being careless.

And hide your remotes from your DD!!

VictorianSqualor · 14/11/2007 20:05

ALM, If this porn film wasnt bought properly, but a pirate copy, then it was illegal anyway, I have actually destroyed a porn video my exdp and his cousin tried to watch in my house, it was a pirate copy of animal farm, that belonged to another friend. I destroyed it because it was illegal as well as degrading.

However, this film wasn't yours to destroy, and destroyed for reasons which can only be dealt with between you and your partner, do you know his friend well?

I'd be tempted to call him if I did and apologise, saying that I was angry DD had managed to see it and that I was sorry.

The real problem here is not your DD catching
a glimpse, goodness knows how many children have walked in on mum and dad to no effect, the real problem it seems, is that you do not like your partner watching these films.

That is your decision, I personally do not believe all porn is bad, there are some porn stars pushed into it yes, and there are some movies that cross boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, but I don't think a man liking it makes him a perv.

But you do have every right to tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable and ask him to stop watching them, although if you swap and change opinions with him as much as you have on here then I'm not surprised he watches them, he probably doesn't realise just how much you dislike them.

Don't put up with it because you feel you should, be honest and tell him, it is perfectly fine to have feelings you would rather not have with regards to jealousy and insecurity.
I hope you can sort it out.

nametaken · 14/11/2007 20:06

Angrylittlemummy your DH made a mistake and apologised. It's time to move on now. We all make mistakes.

StrawberryMartini · 14/11/2007 20:07

Not another porn thread!

Can't you just cut and paste from the others? Saves time.

ELF1981 · 14/11/2007 20:08

I love how my "wont be scarred" comments comes directly after the "can't believe people are worried about the damage to property rather than the possible damage to the lo's psyche" comment, classic timing that!

iesha · 14/11/2007 20:09

lol@ elf

Elizabetth · 14/11/2007 20:09

I love how you claim that seeing porn doesn't scar children. I can assure you that it does and that it isn't funny in the slightest.

VictorianSqualor · 14/11/2007 20:10

Also, as iesha has said, not everyone that works in the sex business is on drugs, I know four girls that have been lapdancers, and a few prostitutes, the prostitutes are the ones that have had drug problems although not everyone f them did, I also know a girl who has been in quite a few films, and was paid pittance, she doesn't take drugs and didn't want the money, it was actually a sexual fantasy to her to be videoed and then have people watching it.

iesha · 14/11/2007 20:11

well said victoriansqualor

VictorianSqualor · 14/11/2007 20:11

Oh come off it elizabeth, I remember stumbling across my friends older brotehrs karma sutra when I was young, we were amazed, not scarred, it took us a good 5/6 years to even realise what was happening on it!

ELF1981 · 14/11/2007 20:14

Elizabetth - because no doubt the OP managed to leap to turn off the TV before the child saw anything!

It was a one off. The child is young and will not remember.

Should I be worried about my DD's mental health from her walking in on me and DH???

ELF1981 · 14/11/2007 20:16

I think there was something in the Metro the other week about how a site has been created (and doing very well) specifically for people to film themselves and post on the site; it is for a % of couples a fantasty.

Minum · 14/11/2007 20:16

Theres a world of difference between porn, and seeing your parents having sex, I cant believe you'd bracket the two in the same category

LuckySalem · 14/11/2007 20:18

Elizabeth - How many kids catch their parent's having sex? That's real live porn!! I caught mine and I'm not ruined!!

Has anyone who hates porn ever looked at a porn film? Looks to me like all involved are enjoying themselves. As for it only being people who are into drugs and fueling a habit. Check out KATHY BARRY who is married, and although she started starring in porn films she now DIRECTS porn and she's loaded!! Or the guy RON JEREMY - again loaded and obviously more fuelled about food than drugs!!

Elizabetth · 14/11/2007 20:19

I was exposed to porn when I was a kid - the hardcore stuff that would have been on this DVD and it definitely damaged me. I was far too small to deal with something like that and that is true of all children.

I can't beleive you're all being so blase and blaming the OP for giving her husband a hard time. It was a really idiotic selfish thing for him to do.

themildmanneredjanitor · 14/11/2007 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuckySalem · 14/11/2007 20:20

Elizabeth - If you read the thread no one is blaiming the OP for getting annoyed, just for breaking the DVD.