Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with partner?

31 replies

Sotired123456 · 17/04/2021 20:18

We have a 3 month old boy and a 2 year old girl together.
I know this is the first weekend people can meet in ages but originally my partner said he was meeting friends from 1:30-5:30. Which I think is fair enough as he deserves to go out and socialise.
He then says the table is booked until 8 (so I did bedtime by myself). He then texts to say he is in a taxi on the way to his friends house and he doesn't know what time he will be back.
I was up with with both at 5:30am while he had a lie in. He is also going to football tomorrow from 9pm-1pm. When do I get my break?!
Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed that he is staying out wayyyy longer than he originally said?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sotired123456 · 17/04/2021 20:18

Football 9am-1pm

OP posts:
Idontgiveagriffindamn · 17/04/2021 20:26

Have you asked him when you get some downtime?

Original poster
Sotired123456 · 17/04/2021 20:28

@Idontgiveagriffindamn no I haven't. I understand that I should be mainly responsible for them as I am currently on maternity but I don't have any time to myself, I am so tired

OP posts:
Returnoftheowl · 17/04/2021 20:29

You need to make it clear to him you need downtime too. Spell it out for him.

dancinfeet · 17/04/2021 20:32

Will the kids be up at 5am again? I would 100% make sure he us the one getting up with them tomorrow morning so you get a nice lie in until just before 9am. No time for a leisurely shower and breakfast before his hobby?? Shame.

PurpleFlower1983 · 17/04/2021 20:34

Tell him he is getting up with the kids tomorrow and you’re having a few hours to yourself tomorrow afternoon.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 17/04/2021 20:34

Yes you should be doing work hours with the kids but the rest of the time should really be split evenly IMO. You need to spell it out to him that you need more support from him and you will be taking some downtime.

Original poster
Sotired123456 · 17/04/2021 20:39

Problem is, if I do say I want some downtime I feel really guilty :(

OP posts:
pictish · 17/04/2021 20:41

Why do you feel guilty?

Original poster
Sotired123456 · 17/04/2021 20:43

I don't know, it is really hard with both of them... and I am their mum so I should be looking after them. But I am so mentally exhausted

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 17/04/2021 20:46

@Sotired123456

Problem is, if I do say I want some downtime I feel really guilty :(
This is on you then. You both deserve down time, it’s the first weekend the pubs are open so I wouldn’t be cross with DH.

But I WOULD spell out exactly what I wanted in terms of my own downtime, make sure you both stuck to it and not feel guilty. He’s their parent too and you’re being a martyr

Cleverpolly3 · 17/04/2021 20:47

You can’t run for long on fumes
As it’s the weekend I would expect him to step up too
Don’t allow yourself to be used up they are his children too and you are a family

If he wants to be out at 9am then he does the early early shift so you can have a bit more sleep

ivfbeenbusy · 17/04/2021 20:50

No I wouldn't be cross with him.....and I have a 4 year old and 3 month old twins.....it's the first weekend out of lockdown - everyone is going to be a bit crazy this weekend I think. What has he been doing the last 3 months during lockdown to "give you a break" - if he's been pulling his weight (as well as working) then you should cut him some slack 🤷‍♀️

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 17/04/2021 20:50

Don’t feel guilty about getting some downtime. I know I’m a much better parent when I am rested and have some me time.

SaturdayRocks · 17/04/2021 20:55

@Sotired123456

Problem is, if I do say I want some downtime I feel really guilty :(
He doesn’t.

He’s their dad.

If you feel guilty, then the issue you’re on here complaining about it ever going to get resolved.

He’s 50% their parent. He’s also responsible. It doesn’t matter that you’re on maternity leave.

FelicityPike · 17/04/2021 20:56

@Sotired123456

I don't know, it is really hard with both of them... and I am their mum so I should be looking after them. But I am so mentally exhausted
And he’s their dad. He can look after his children too. Enjoy some time to yourself.
SaturdayRocks · 17/04/2021 20:57
  • is never (sorry - typos).
picklemewalnuts · 17/04/2021 21:14

Maternity leave allows you to recover from the pregnancy and birth, and breast feed (if you do).
It doesn't mean you take on your partner's share of parenting or all the household tasks.

Tell him you're glad he had a lovely rest and refresh, and that you will have the same next weekend. Go out with just your 3 month old, if you want a longer break, or leave both the D.C. with him. He does the nights that weekend, and you have a lie in.

Honestly this needs sorting now, or it will become a long and bitter disappointment to you.

violetbunny · 17/04/2021 21:15

Be very clear, next weekend it's your turn to have both lie ins. Do NOT feel guilty! Parenting is a joint responsibility.

Pumperthepumper · 17/04/2021 21:18

He knows you need downtime. He knows you got up with them this morning, he knows you’ve had them all day, he knows you’ll have them tomorrow morning too. You don’t have to spell anything out to him, he knows. He’s just really selfish.

Mistressinthetulips · 17/04/2021 21:19

He is being completely selfish.

Sleepisoverrated150 · 17/04/2021 21:21

@Sotired123456

Problem is, if I do say I want some downtime I feel really guilty :(
Why are you not as important as your partner? Are you a bad mum if you have some time to recharge? Don’t be a martyr, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Make sure you get some time. Tell him he is getting up in the morning and you are having x time next weekend. Go for a walk with a friend child free it’s lovely 😊
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/04/2021 21:42

Maternity is leave from paid work. You're not paid at weekends. Neither is your partner. You should both be equal parents at the weekend.
I think you're right to be annoyed and I think you would be right to expect equal free time when your partner is also off work. He is meant to be an equal parent doing half of everything when he is off. Not dipping in and out doing the fun bits when he can be arsed

LagunaBubbles · 17/04/2021 21:51

Problem is, if I do say I want some downtime I feel really guilty

Why? Confused we all need it.

Missingthebridegene · 17/04/2021 21:56

A saturday is NOT your mat leave! When he's not at work you're equally responsible! Make sure you take the afternoon off tomo! X