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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH gone to friend's house

36 replies

EatPrayYoga · 17/10/2020 23:20

DH mentioned yesterday he might meet friend who lives nearby with another mutual friend of theirs who would be going to see other freeing. He suggested a walk and I thought that would be acceptable.

Today he said he's going to friend's house and other friend is coming over. I said I'm not happy as he has been to work and seen his parents, which I wouldn't stop him from doing as he wanted to check on them, but I haven't been anywhere for weeks except the supermarket and haven't seen parents for ages despite it being DF's birthday last week.

He assured me they would be outside but even then I knew they'd be drinking and it's not as if they would be careful about social distancing.

He asked if I'd pick him up and I said I would but he's now not answering the phone which means he is going to end up staying the night, which he sometimes does if too drink to drive home, but I'm uncomfortable with him being there full stop. And obviously he be in the house, using bathroom etc if staying over.

AIBU to think he is being a bit irresponsible and selfish?

OP posts:
Original poster
EatPrayYoga · 17/10/2020 23:21

I have considered just going to pick him up on the basis I am going to bed soon but that might seem a bit bunny boiler so I will probably just leave him and then tell him I am isolating from him for 7 days.

I am not sure why friend's wife doesn't care.

OP posts:
Yesmate · 17/10/2020 23:22

Are you shielding or vulnerable? If not then I think you are being unreasonable.

WombatStewForTea · 17/10/2020 23:24

Where do you live? If it's in tier 1 he's doing nothing wrong

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 17/10/2020 23:25

Not unreasonable in tier 2 or tier 3

Alexandernevermind · 17/10/2020 23:26

He has gone from work, mixing with one group of people, then to his parents, then to a friends? He sounds irresponsible.

saraclara · 17/10/2020 23:27

I haven't been anywhere for weeks except the supermarket and haven't seen parents for ages despite it being DF's birthday last week

That was your choice. If DH isn't breaking any of rules for your area, he's doing nothing wrong.

QueenofLean · 17/10/2020 23:27

Are you in an area where that isn’t permitted?

GlummyMcGlummerson · 17/10/2020 23:29

You sound controlling TBH. I can't believe he has to ask you if he could see a friend and your reaction is that you're "not happy"

WidowTwonky · 17/10/2020 23:29

YANBU if you’re in high or very high area

DisgruntledPelican · 17/10/2020 23:29

It’s. It ideal but you seem way too anxious about this really. Decide if you are definitely going to pick him up if/when he gets in touch with you - although tbh the rudeness of that (if refusing to answer his phone or not asking you politely for a lift) would put me off more than breaching the covid rules

funnylittlefloozie · 17/10/2020 23:29

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. If you've refused to leave the house for weeks, he may be desperate to go out and get some company. If you're really worried, tell him when he gets home, he has to strip off in the porch and have a shower before he comes near you.

Original poster
EatPrayYoga · 17/10/2020 23:32

We are in an area where meeting inside is not allowed.

I'm not on high rush group but parents are and I'd like to see them but dare not when I feel DH is our mixing with various households (2 others tonight)

He didn't ask me if he could go and I didn't tell him not to so not sure how I'm controlling but I am anxious about it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
EatPrayYoga · 17/10/2020 23:35

We are in tier 2 so it seems mixing in another household is not allowed. I would have visited my DF on his birthday (and would have been v careful about distancing) but feel less comfortable doing so when DH is mixing.

When I say I haven't left the house I mean I haven't been to work or anyone's house or a restaurant or pub (except one in July). In a week he has seen his parents, been to the office, visited a colleague at home and now he has gone to see friend with another friend there.

If you think I'm being unreasonable that actually makes me feel less anxious.

OP posts:
Feelingconfused2020 · 17/10/2020 23:38

If you are in a place where you shouldn't meet inside then you should have told us that In tour OP as we are not all.in the same boat.

That aside I think yanbu if it's against the rules. I would put him in the spare room and see your parents.

Feelingconfused2020 · 17/10/2020 23:40

Sorry I've just seen he is staying over. This is totally not on. I would be furious.

The people saying you are controlling don't realise you are in an area where this is not allowed, you needed to make it clearer in your op.

Original poster
EatPrayYoga · 17/10/2020 23:40

Yes sorry I should have said we are in

OP posts:
Original poster
EatPrayYoga · 17/10/2020 23:41

tier 2

(Posted too soon)

OP posts:
crankysaurus · 17/10/2020 23:46

How easily can you isolate from him within your home? That sounds inconsiderate of him is you're wanting to see your parents, his mingling will put them at greater risk.

wishing3 · 17/10/2020 23:47

Yanbu
And it’s totally fair that someone should ask you-what he does impacts on you, so he’s not just making the choice for himself.

Original poster
EatPrayYoga · 17/10/2020 23:49

It seems my DH is one of the inconsiderate arses who thinks the rules don't apply to them

OP posts:
Original poster
EatPrayYoga · 17/10/2020 23:50

It's hard to isolate. I can kick him out of the bedroom for a week and we work in different rooms but I would have to be careful about touching anything he has touched

I will just not see my parents for at least another week

OP posts:
Original poster
EatPrayYoga · 17/10/2020 23:52

TBH I'm not sure I should see my parents at all but this makes it more annoying DH has mixed four other households plus work this week (we are WFH but he went in to get something)

Anyway I can't do anything about it now so no point getting worked up before bed. It's ten to 12 and I haven't heard from him so looks like he's staying the night!

OP posts:
Original poster
EatPrayYoga · 18/10/2020 00:04

He is home. He must have walked. He could have told me

OP posts:
Quaagars · 18/10/2020 00:20

@EatPrayYoga

We are in an area where meeting inside is not allowed.

I'm not on high rush group but parents are and I'd like to see them but dare not when I feel DH is our mixing with various households (2 others tonight)

He didn't ask me if he could go and I didn't tell him not to so not sure how I'm controlling but I am anxious about it all.

Was just about to ask before voting what the tier guidelines are where you are, but you've just answered here. So I vote YANBU. I'd be mightily fucked off, we've just gone back into can't meet indoors here unless with someone in support bubble. Especially with your parents being vulnerable he's being an arse. .
Quaagars · 18/10/2020 00:22

@EatPrayYoga
TBH I'm not sure I should see my parents at all but this makes it more annoying DH has mixed four other households plus work this week (we are WFH but he went in to get something)
You could still meet them outside (obviously assuming they're not completely shielding/self isolating/in highest tier group?
Maybe go for a socially distanced walk if able to?