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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

tto not know how to process derogatory texts DH sent?

44 replies

Yolo89 · 27/01/2020 21:59

Do DH has an alcohol issue. Which he is sort of trying to address. I'd suggest not very hard. He has come home drunk after picking up the children one night and I jad a go at him..Big arguement. Then I find he has written derogatory texts to his mate about me as I told him off for drinking. Saying he couldn't wait to get away from me as he was going to visit a sick relative. He also said I gave him no slack lile je did when my.mum was ill - wtf??? A i got upset as he was drinking to cope. He said a few really hurtful comments. Our relationship os going downhill due to his problem and I am not sure I can cope or forgive these comments..What do I do??

OP posts:
PerkyPomPoms · 27/01/2020 22:01

Decide if you can live like this. If the answer is no then you need to start thinking about options.

Besidesthepoint · 27/01/2020 22:02

My dad drinks. Don't let your children live with someone with an alcohol problem, it's really not ok.

Original poster
Yolo89 · 27/01/2020 22:06

I just don't have anywhere to go until I finish uni as I am retraining. I am.a bit stuck..He doesn't drink all the time so sort of admiys a problem but doesn't.

OP posts:
Justgorgeous · 27/01/2020 22:07

He picked the kids up while drunk ? Why are you putting them at risk like this ?

Newschapter · 27/01/2020 22:07

Derogatory texts are the least of your problems...

Make plans to get away.

Original poster
Yolo89 · 27/01/2020 22:07

Besides - I agree though. Did your dad drinl.whilst you were growing up?

OP posts:
MyuMe · 27/01/2020 22:07

I read your other thread too: the one from a few days ago

You're upset enough to keep posting and I dont think he would do therapy.

How long can you continue?

Original poster
Yolo89 · 27/01/2020 22:08

Just gorgepus - obviously I didn't knpw he would be drinking! He does not drink ebery day nor even every week.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 27/01/2020 22:10

Are you drinking a lot yourself?

Original poster
Yolo89 · 27/01/2020 22:12

Myume - I am not sure. Not much longer..I jist need to be earning as I am at uni.

I gave him an ultimatum.tonight - alcohol or his family..As they cannot coexist

OP posts:
Original poster
Yolo89 · 27/01/2020 22:15

I hate his friend too - he said menopause is Bs. What an uneducated twat.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yolo89 · 27/01/2020 22:16

3luckstars - I dont drink at all. The odd one. I am intolerant to alcohol. I have never drunk like he does even when I was not intolerant

OP posts:
fedup21 · 27/01/2020 22:18

How long have you got at uni and what are you studying-will it enable you to start a job which will support you?

Pumpkinpie1 · 27/01/2020 22:23

Did he walk and pick the kids up or did he drive drunk?

Original poster
Yolo89 · 27/01/2020 22:24

fed up - uni finishes next June and l will have a job as soon aI finish but it wont maybe be a hige amount for my family. DH earns more bit i have used my inheritance when he has been between contracts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yolo89 · 27/01/2020 22:27

Pumpkin - he walked.

OP posts:
Laiste · 27/01/2020 22:29

He has come home drunk after picking up the children one night

I think you should elaborate here. He picked the children up while drunk?

Original poster
Yolo89 · 27/01/2020 22:34

Laiste - he was drinking whilst looking for a job (in a pub) then picked up DC from after school club at 5 then came home
Super short walk. I got in.and then realised he had been drinking and got upset as je was messing up words, forgot to get DC dinner and kept forgetting things. He told ne he was perfectly fine..I was angry. Cue derogatory text to his friend. I am.so upset and he just keeps putting everythingack on me and what I do wrong. No apology so far.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yolo89 · 27/01/2020 22:35

How do I behave towards him??? If I had somewhere to go I would, but I dont. Just 8s not feasible.

OP posts:
CapnSquirrel · 27/01/2020 22:39

Waster. Get rid OP. My dad has issues with alcohol too. Like your OH he didn't drink every day either or even every week but he was a nasty drunk towards my mother and as a result all his children are NC with him today. No good will come of this.... I'd start planning your escape.

user163578742 · 27/01/2020 22:48

An ultimatum is pointless if you're not going to act on it.

And an apology from him would be meaningless unless it was accompanied by behavioural change.

He's forgetting to feed the children?

June 2020 or June 2021?

Bluerussian · 27/01/2020 22:52

You're not unreasonable and in your place I would give him an ultimatum. June will soon be here and then you will have no options.

He should not under any circumstances be talking about you to a friend but I have to ask, what is "slack lile je did" ? I learn so many new terms on Mumsnet.

Original poster
Yolo89 · 27/01/2020 22:53

O eas three top so fed them so ok but je was supposed to be preparing dinner.
June 2021.

Impossiblw before.

I have got to the point where it is family or alcohol..I just had a week with him not here and it was stress free..If he stopped drinking lpts would be better.
I

OP posts:
Original poster
Yolo89 · 27/01/2020 22:58

Blue - slack like he did!

Sorry am the typo queen!!

Hr now I find out by text has booked to go away with this mate in may. I cant bear the thought. What do I do?

OP posts:
WellHolyGodMiley · 27/01/2020 22:59

You can split up.

Sorry, I don't mean that without sympathy for you but often it's like it doesn't occur to people that their relationship is making their one and only life very hard.

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