AIBU to even consider this?

[Vilanelle]

Some details changed as could be identifying.

Say you were 11 weeks pregnant with first baby, scan due thursday but BIL is a sonographer and has their ultrasound machine at home and offers a sneak peak...

Would you?

DP says yes.

I say he isn't at all qualified in this department (pregnancy) and could offer me no reassurance if something didn't look right.

YANBU - don't do it, wait for scan

YABU - Do it!

Absolutely don’t do it.

No, don’t. All kinds of potential wrong.

Don’t do it. I sincerely hope nothing is wrong but it would be awful if it was.
Maybe when you get further along then you can have a look and try and determine the sex but please leave to the professionals for now.

Don't involve your family in your medical care. Just wait.

Just wait. It isn't long.
There are reasons why it is frowned upon for HCP to treat close family members.

Jesus wept, no I wouldnt do that

I'm in agreement. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being precious!

Don't do it - I work in a vets and one of our vets was an amazing sonographer. I needed an ultrasound and whilst i was tempted to get her to scan me but i couldn't put her in that position. Abnormalities were not really expected but what if she found something ? Not fair on anyone

I would have 12 week scan then have a longer private look at home after

If he isn’t trained in pregnancy ultrasounds then 100% do not do it. He cannot confirm that everything is OK. What if he thinks there’s an issue which you spend all week panicking and then it turns out he was mistaken? All that worry for nothing.

Just wait a few days and have it done by a professional.

DPs argument is that we wouldn't be able to recognise if anything was wrong as we are not trained.

I had a private scan at 8 weeks in clinic, I would be able to tell if baby had not grown since then.

And actually even if he was trained in pregnancy ultrasounds I still wouldn’t do it. Imagine having to break bad news to your SIL. Much better to leave it to your HCP.

You would be able to see if there was no heartbeat, please don’t do it for everyone’s sake.

Exactly and if something was wrong, how could I tell my doctor how I know
"Oh yeah, my bil who is not trained at all, scanned me at home "that would look great!

AFAIK an ultrasound is harmless so why not? You wouldn’t be doing this INSTEAD of your scheduled scan, just as an additional one. So it doesn’t matter if BIL spots something wrong or not. In the unlikely event there is something to worry about but he doesn’t point it out, you will find out in a week’s time. If he does see something to worry about there’s not much more anyone can do about it with a few extra days’ notice than if the second scan picked it up.

DPs argument is that we wouldn't be able to recognise if anything was wrong as we are not trained.

God forbid, but surely you would see if something was seriously wrong, like no heart beat. Or just something that looks wrong but turns out, isnt.

If no one can even really know what they are looking at, why bother?

Is your BIL offering this? He must be crazy.

It all boils down to DP being stuck in a traffic jam at 8 week scan and missing it. DP feels like they've missed out. I feel like dp should have left fucking work earlier lol

I don't think you're unreasonable to consider it, but I'd really advise against actually doing it. Not to scare you but mine was fine at 8 weeks, not so great at 12 weeks. You don't want that sort of news in an unprofessional environment.

Not the 12 week - maybe later but the 12 week really needs to be in a medical setting.

Why does your BIL have "his" ultrasound machine at home?

Does he carry it too and from work, like a laptop?

I feel like dp should have left fucking work earlier lol

I agree with you

We wish you all the very best, but if anything is wrong, the last person you might want to discuss it with is your BIL - or get them somehow involved in decisions.

Absolute no no.

I wouldn't use your BIL until at least 22-25 weeks, when you feel the baby, had the anomaly scan and you can be more relax in a way.

I've had a good and a bad 12 scan, I promise you world be able to tell if there was something wrong.

Maybe after your scan.

I think I'm tough enough that if I did this, I could handle it being terrible or confusing experience.

But from what I read on MN, most people aren't that tough, or don't want to be. Your gut feeling is you aren't in the camp that wants to take the chance. So I voted don't do it.