to not want my ILs to come on holiday with us.

[Elphi]

Ok, we have been saving up for 4 years to go on holiday somewhere warm and sunny next year. Last 3 years we have visited ILs for a week or so. H has had fun, dcs and I get stressed. Fil is hyper critical of children, manners etc.Nothing and no one is ever good enough.
Now ILs want to join us on our much longed for holiday. I want to cry at the thought. Quite frankly I would rather not go. Am I being mean?

Not mean at all. In fact, I think it's insensitive of them to ask at all, considering your lack of holidays in the last four years.

You need to gird your loins, and say no.

God no, dig your heels in. I'm with you.

YANBU. Never go on holiday with the ILs. recipe for disaster.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DONT DO IT!!!!
YANBU.

Dont let them, get your DH to tell them that it is a family holiday for you, DH and DC's. You want to spend time with each other.

I went on hols with my IL's once and NEVER, EVER again, it was horrendous.

You need a serious conversation with your DH, it is not fair that you have been saving for such a long time to waste that money in a trip you won't even enjoy.

tell your H to go on holiday with your Ils. And you and the kids go on holiday by yourself.

Thanks folks! Given that I am already not "good enough" any ideas how I can prevent relations from getting even worse? I am a peace lover by nature.

Elphi - I really feel for you.

We are going on holiday with my ILs next week - they have paid for it too, so there's no backing out this time. I've managed to put it off for several years but I couldn't hold out for ever. I'm really dreading it tbh.

But you need to have a serious talk with your dh and get him to understand. Especially as it's a much longed for holiday. Are ILs nearby?

Good luck

no you are being sensible.

We live at opposite ends of the country, but could still visit next summer and they come to visit us too.
So sorry that you are facing a grim holiday too.

I've decided to stick to 'safe' conversations this year and avoid anything to with politics, education, money etc.

I'm also trying to have a few outings planned ahead so they can't dictate what we do and when. Ditto with meals.

Does your dh have any sympathy with your pov?

YANBU!

Do not do it. I would also rather not go than go on hols with ILs.

If I were you, I would go on the holiday abroad just you, DH and kids. Then I would also take a mini hol (long wkend/4 days) with ILs.

the mini hol was at the ILs house btw!

YANBU

Yes, H is lovely and would prefer us to away without them, but finds it hard to hurt their feelings. If only they were as careful with ours.
I'm trying to think of ways of putting them off the idea. I am making loud suggestions that we should go to a very lively resort with lots of children's activities. I suspect they would hate this.

What I find facinating about some Hs (mine included) is how much care they take in avoiding hurting their parents feeling while ignoring blatantly the feeling and needs of their own wives and children.

Definitely not being mean, it is your family holiday and you need to be able to enjoy yourself without worrying about your IL's.

isabel..they seem to change around their mums i think..have similar here...

OP tell them no..in the nicest possible..its not fair of them to tag along like this

Yes but Isabel, surely you would want a son of yours to be respectful around you when he's a grown man? It's the mother/child bond .. age cannot wither it

I am happy to try not to hurt people's feelings, but when it comes to things such as our family's holidays which we work hard for and look forward to all year, I am not prepared to put someone else's needs or feelings before mine.

I told my inlaws very early on, that we choose to have our holidays by ourselves because we really value being able to spend some time alone together as a family. If they mention it now I just say "No, we want to have the time by ourselves." If it honestly hurts their feelings to know that a young couple don't really want them tagging along on their holiday, then I'm afraid I don't actually give a monkeys.

No, I have had enough with my MIL that the moment he disrespects his wife to please me I will boot him out!

agree Isabel - my DH is just like that and yet normal in other ways

we went on hols with the ILs once but fortunately even DH didn't enjoy it so we don't have to do it again

We had the stupid idea of joining MIL and my parents for a holiday! It was a nightmare! I was either stressing or fuming at at my mum's or mil's verbal diaorrea. Was horrible, not enjoyable and very very stressful.

YANBU. if they are hurt or annoyed unlucky!

No. Don't do it. Ever. Sounds like you need your holiday!