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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we can manage without childcare- older DC

46 replies

Orangeblossom78 · 18/10/2019 10:25

Next year both my children /teens will be in secondary school; one will be 11 (nearly 12) and the other will be 15. I am considering getting a job after being off for years, DH is self employed.

I am thinking to may be possible to manage without childcare but not sure. AIBU in thinking they would be OK in holidays and after school if they are off together as they are pretty sensible and we live close to activities such as swimming and the cinema (all within walking distance)? Grandparents also within walking distance but older nearly 80s so would not expect them to do much.

Also interested in what others do in the holidays with this age. Mine would be not very interested in holiday clubs

OP posts:
mulberry69 · 18/10/2019 10:29

I started to be left alone at summer holidays when I was 11 with my Nan popping in and out occasionally, I think they will be fine. Are you going part time ?

Fantasisa · 18/10/2019 10:30

I think it is fine, particularly if the 15 year old will be trusted to spend time with the 11 year old.

MindatWork · 18/10/2019 10:31

I think after school is fine but are you saying you’d leave them completely to themselves all school holidays (I’m assuming bar a few days when you or your husband might be able to take leave)?

I think your 15 year old will be ok on their own, but my mum never used to bother organising childcare (shift work) and would leave me in charge of my younger siblings all summer/easter. I loved my sibs but hated the assumption that I would always be around to look after them. What happens when your eldest wants to go out with friends?

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 18/10/2019 10:32

Yes I would be part time to start with- hopefully 3 or 4 days one of which may be a weekend day as DH off- so should be no more than 3 days in the week.

OP posts:
Redwinestillfine · 18/10/2019 10:32

Can you do part time hours so you work shorter days?

nicknamehelp · 18/10/2019 10:32

I leave mine. make sure freezer full of food and they text me if going out.

Disfordarkchocolate · 18/10/2019 10:32

When my 15-year-old was 11-12 it was the last years if any childcare in the summer. We have a holiday club which is pretty relaxed so he'd was ok with that but not for whole weeks. Now, he just stays at home. Unless they are sporty 11-12 is about as old as most childcare goes around here. If your sporty your left with athletics camps etc that have a short day. I think they'll be fine.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 18/10/2019 10:33

Yes I agree (unfair on eldest) however would be able to maybe give pocket money and also be maximum 3 days so would be other two days also. I guess also youngest could go to grandparents for a bit as well

OP posts:
mulberry69 · 18/10/2019 10:33

@MindatWork agree with that actually, don't tell your 15 year old that they are in charge just tell them both the rules or whatever and leave them

IncrediblySadToo · 18/10/2019 10:34

They’ll be
Mostly fine, but in the longer holidays I’d book the younger one on a couple of things like ‘a week if watersports’ or ‘football camp’ as I think several weeks in a row of being in their own is a bit much & that leads to messing around doing daft things.

IncrediblySadToo · 18/10/2019 10:35

Definitely agree that the eldest is nit ‘in charge’ or ‘responsible’. They’re both independently home alone!

Fantasisa · 18/10/2019 10:35

Does your younger DC have friends who can go out and about with him? That makes a difference if they have something to do with them.

raspberryk · 18/10/2019 10:36

They'll be fine

HighFive5 · 18/10/2019 10:37

When I worked part time I always asked my 16 year old he would watch the 8,7 year old whilst I was at work, only 3 short days, I paid him £10 a day, so he was always willing to do it, I made sure much was prepped and I was in text contact constantly x

HighFive5 · 18/10/2019 10:38

When I worked part time I always asked my 16 year old if he would watch the 8 & 7 year old whilst I was at work, only 3 short days, I paid him £10 a day, so he was always willing to do it, I made sure lunch was prepped and I was in text contact constantly x

AryaStarkWolf · 18/10/2019 10:39

If they get along well and aren't liable to fight etc then I think it's absolutely fine

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 18/10/2019 10:39

Good points about eldest feeling being in charge etc, yes youngest can go to club maybe with a friend, as well. Thanks! I am thinking as well, after next summer so the summer after would be the first, youngest would then be after his first year of secondary actually so 12 near 13...and eldest 15 early 16 (eek!) so they should be fine. It is just all new to me...

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 18/10/2019 10:41

Mine starts secondary in Sept and will be home alone after school (she has sisters at college who will be around some of the time) summer I work from home as much as possible - currently use a holiday club but won’t this year - it’s a bit daunting as my older 2 where nearer 13/14 when I left them for long periods

Damntheman · 18/10/2019 10:41

I think it'd be fine. See if you can't get them excited about any residential holiday courses. Music, martial arts, scouting, there should be all sorts of options out there to cover a week or so.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 18/10/2019 10:41

Clubs mainly all day round here and only go up to 12 except the sports centre one is to 14...would be lovely to have drop in type one for the younger ones though

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 18/10/2019 10:44

Mine may possible stay on the computer or watch TV for long periods if left to their own devices but could be encouraged out as well and Dh may be home also

OP posts:
CheerfulMuddler · 18/10/2019 10:50

I think it's fine too.
The 6 weeks holiday sounds long, but if you book youngest into two week-long holiday clubs, if you and DH both take a week's holiday, and if you're only doing three days a week, one of those on a weekend, then you're actually only asking the DC to be on their own for about four days in the whole holiday.

Original poster
Orangeblossom78 · 18/10/2019 10:56

Thanks for the replies! Dh's family are quite anxious...and saying things like could I 'get a lunchtime job' and thing like that...I think they forget how they are growing up and still think of them as young children! We are also in a (small) city but it is safe and easy to get around on foot.

It is just tricky to know these days- from a round 8 I myself was off myself for the day but it was the 70s and rural..so very different and I feel a bit lost in knowing what is Ok these days.

Going by the way they are (DC) they are sensible and ways ring if they say they will and are careful etc so gut feeling is should be fine.

OP posts:
SunshineAngel · 18/10/2019 11:02

If you can save holidays/hours owed or anything like that to try and minimise the time they spend on their own, that would be great. I do think it's okay for them to be left, BUT it can get boring. Would they be allowed out of the house, or would they have to just stay at home? Also if possible maybe try to arrange for them to go round to a friend's or other family member's house on occasion.

I used to stay at home when I was that age, and I was just bored witless.. though admittedly there is a lot more to do these days.

Echobelly · 18/10/2019 11:11

I'm imagining we'll stop having au pairs when kids are similar age, OP (ie once ds starts secondary school). I might just get someone to come in to clean and keep an eye on kids on afternoons where I'm not working from home or the youngest doesn't have after school activities. DD has just started secondary and is so much more independent already.