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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think we can manage without childcare- older DC

46 replies

Orangeblossom78 · 18/10/2019 10:25

Next year both my children /teens will be in secondary school; one will be 11 (nearly 12) and the other will be 15. I am considering getting a job after being off for years, DH is self employed.

I am thinking to may be possible to manage without childcare but not sure. AIBU in thinking they would be OK in holidays and after school if they are off together as they are pretty sensible and we live close to activities such as swimming and the cinema (all within walking distance)? Grandparents also within walking distance but older nearly 80s so would not expect them to do much.

Also interested in what others do in the holidays with this age. Mine would be not very interested in holiday clubs

OP posts:

Original poster

Orangeblossom78 · 18/10/2019 11:16

They would definitely be allowed out of the house. they would be allowed into the city centre, the shops, cinema and swimming etc and friend's houses. I had a part time job myself from 13- that would / could be encouraged also or volunteering. (they take volunteers from 14 here).

OP posts:

5foot5 · 18/10/2019 11:20

When my DD was about the age of your youngest, i.e. 12 just after Y7 finished, I left her at home alone during much of the school holidays. However, she is very sensible and I worked only a mile from home so could have got home quickly if she had a problem.

It usually wasn't all of the holidays as we broke it up with some time when we were all away, some time when she stayed with grandparents and the occasional club.

Oysterbabe · 18/10/2019 11:24

I think it's fine too. I was certainly left while my parents worked at that age.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 18/10/2019 11:24

I would do it if both my DC were NT. They are the same age as yours but the older one has ODD and tends to get into a lot of trouble if unsupervised and the younger one gets very anxious without an adult nearby. I do think that you'll probably come back to lots of plates and cups used once and then left in random parts of the house, which is irritating but not dangerous.

GetUpAgain · 18/10/2019 11:26

Totally and utterly fine.

formerbabe · 18/10/2019 11:27

I think it's fine but I'd be concerned about holidays...if they're anything like my DS(11)... they'll be staring at screens all day if left to their own devices. I'd be insisting on some sort of holiday course or camp...some have shorter days 10-3 for example..I'd want them to be doing something like that.

Original poster

Orangeblossom78 · 18/10/2019 11:35

Yes some kind of holiday plan would be good- I agree - unfortunately most of the stuff round here is up to 12 and a full day and cost...but there are e.g. places looking for 14 plus to help volunteer with some holiday activities also...not much in the middle though.

they do like the sports centre and could go there to go trampolining, swimming etc though and out and about, friends also. there is quite a lot on in the city centre for them to do really so should be OK.

OP posts:

Embracelife · 18/10/2019 11:36

Employ a n older teen in summer hols eg student

SomethingSpecialzz · 18/10/2019 11:43

I think 3 days per week is fine and guessing in the longer holidays you and your husband would have some leave.

So yes I’d say go for it, by the time they’re up and had breakfast you’ll nearly be on your way home

NoSquirrels · 18/10/2019 11:51

They’ll be fine!

Holidays you just book leave - for example in the summer, if you take 2 weeks in the middle, and your DH takes 2 weeks, one overlapping with your second week, then it works out fine.

Wk 1: they’ll do a lot of sleeping & relaxing!

Wk 2: you’re off work

Wk 3: you and DH off work, go on family holiday

Wk 4: DH off work

Wk 5: find some activities for a day or 2, or tap up grandparents/friends

Wk 6: same, maybe both your DH and you take an extra day off for errands and back to school stuff.

Girlking · 18/10/2019 11:58

What does NT and ODD mean ?

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 18/10/2019 12:08

NT = neurologically typical, ie no behavioural/learning/other issues
ODD = oppositional defiant disorder, known in previous generations as a 'bad 'un' or a 'delinquent'. No less annoying or disruptive because there is now a name for it, but at least there is a better pathway for handling it and helping them to help themselves.

FaFoutis · 18/10/2019 12:11

Sounds fine. Mine are 14, 12 & 10 and I leave them at home alone while I work. I have done this for a year now and had no problems at all, the children are happy and increasingly self-sufficient, so win-win.

amusedbush · 18/10/2019 12:26

I loved my sibs but hated the assumption that I would always be around to look after them. What happens when your eldest wants to go out with friends?

This. My mum stopped arranging childcare when I was about 15 and she would leave me to sit around the house all summer while DB (6 years younger) was out playing. I had to stay at home in case he came back and needed something. It was shite, to be honest.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 18/10/2019 12:44

So yes I’d say go for it, by the time they’re up and had breakfast you’ll nearly be on your way home. So true!

I work 3-4 days a week and the dreaded electronics were my main issue this past summer (DD is 14, DS, 11). I had activities planned for most weeks, but there were a couple of weeks at the end when the camps had finished and several of their friends were away. I think they spent hours gaming and otherwise wasting time.

Luckily it was only those two weeks and I'm going to sort something out next year. Otherwise it's perfectly doeable and I think you should go for it! I'd love to go full-time but logistics are a pain atm.

SomethingSpecialzz · 18/10/2019 13:17

As above, dh and I overlapped our holiday. I had 3 weeks leave, dh 2 weeks and we overlapped for just one week.

The other two weeks, one either end and I just arranged things for the middle day (I work 3 days). Just something like grandad came down and took them to Toby for lunch, just meant on that day they were up and dressed and not looking at screens all 3 days, or they can jump on tube and come and meet me for lunch one day.... food seems to be key in getting them up and out

Original poster

Orangeblossom78 · 18/10/2019 13:30

The going out for lunch is a good plan, yes they could do that with grandparents or go out for pizza together or after school, I have seen other older DC doing that too. It could get costly though!

OP posts:

MinTheMinx · 18/10/2019 13:45

Mine may possible stay on the computer or watch TV for long periods if left to their own devices

As long as this is actively discouraged I'd say they should be OK. They should be 'doing' at this age!

Mintjulia · 18/10/2019 13:54

I leave my ds (11) alone for mornings or afternoons. If it’s for the whole day, I try to go home for lunch as he’s on his own.
But after school, yes no problem. We have a clear plan on what to do if he becomes ill or frightened, if the power fails or other event.

He has the phone and is very sensible.

mindutopia · 18/10/2019 14:01

I used to be on my own all day 8-6 every school holiday from about 11. I had a single mum who commuted about 1.5 hours to work and back. It was fine - great, actually. I used to relax and sleep and watch tv and read and go for walks, go visit a friend. I did not feel lonely and I genuinely didn't get up to anything dodgy.

That said, school holidays shouldn't prevent you from working. I work ft and dh is self employed (also ft). We manage perfectly well taking days off here and there to manage holiday times for a 6 and 2 year old. It will be a piece of cake with teenagers.

TheCanyon · 18/10/2019 21:42

I remember having an afterschool nanny when 6ish, but not summer holidays etc. I imagine she was there, I just dont remember. Certainly wasn't there past me being 7/8.

We were pretty self sufficient young due to dad being in a life changing bad accident when i was 5/6 (hence the nanny) and in a hospital 45 miles away while non driving mum of 3 who worked full time tried to balance it all. Dad was home from hospital but unable to do anything really when I was maybe 7. We learnt to do housework, cook, light the stoves/fires and just be kids out playing.

I think we were left alone from me being 9, my big db 10, wee db 6/7. I tell you something, we did a bloody good job of keeping the house ticking over and also at the same time just being out playing everyday.

I have a 10, almost 11 and 8 almost 9 dd's and twin 5 year old twins. I'd never leave my 10 year old in charge of the twins while I went for a pee. My 8 year old she would "mummy" them while I had a bath in peace etc.

whats the point of my spiel of shite? I do leave my 10 and 8 year olds home an hour if I'm taking the twins to their swimming lesson etc. My 10yo can't even make a sandwich, she cannae stay home alone over extended periods.

My very boring point was, they are your kids. Only you know.

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