To ask you for some good replies when people ask me...

[weewinnie]

If I'm pregnant...
I'm fairly small all over with a big post c section gut. Kids are 3 and 1 and not planning anymore and I'm tired of people congratulating me on my third 😩
I'd love a witty comeback to give me some confidence back opposed to just saying "I'm not pregnant"

This isn’t a baby, it’s a portable earth-to-air-missile system.

No, this is just left over from the last one.

Or, why on Earth does anyone still think that's an appropriate question to ask someone?

*Don’t say that.

@herculepoirot2

I might 😂

I'm not pregnant! When is it again you're having your face- lift?

Pull a puzzled face and say ‘what do you ask’. They will be embarrassed and scuttle off.

They are showing shockingly poor manners.

I always tell them that I haven't got the heart to get rid of my daughter's first apartment.
Tends to shut them up and still works 8 years on 😂

RUDE PERSON: "Are you pregnant?"

YOU: "Here...take a look at my ultrasound picture"

RUDE PERSON:

Lima45

I like that one!

AutumnalLeaves38

Thank you kindly. I have the same problem as OP with C section droop. It was actually DP who came up with it so I can't take the credit

No, it's not a baby, it's cake.

(I also get asked if I'm pregnant alot as I'm a definite apple shape, with skinny legs and huge belly!! So this has become my stock answer)

If you have a flair for the dramatic, look down at your stomach shocked, go 'omg' and run out the room calling your husband

I was recently asked (by a regular customer) when no.3 was due. Looked them dead in the eye and said "oh no, I just eat too much chocolate and don't exercise". Haven't seen them since!

Honestly I'd be tempted to say "fuck off and mind your own business", but I don't like people very much.

@londonloves I'm on your wavelength right now!
I just want to make them feel as uncomfortable as they make me feel
Even if I was pregnant.. why does it need to be mentioned? Leave me alone
I hate people

How about telling them the date of birth of your youngest?

So: "when's the baby due"

" 31st July LAST YEAR"

Unless sperm can get through a sash window....

I just say "nope, just fat" makes them blush

Ask them back: "Oh and when are you expecting?" After they get puzzled and say that they are not pregnant you can say "Me neither". They probably won't ask anyone again.

I am not pregnant ...but i am starting a diet.

Say no why do you think I am then watch them squirm

Wankers.

How rude. I like a few of the above.
Depends how rude you want to be back.
off or not as blunt. Tell them its an illness baby , or due long after they learn manners.

I would go for 'Wow - imagine if I wasn't pregnant and you had basically just come up and called me fat. That would be super awkward. I really hope that didn't just happen - don't you?'.

If a woman asks "oh I was going to ask you the same thing"

If a man asks, - say the same 😂