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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re: unisex toilets and cubicles?

71 replies

IntoValhalla · 03/08/2019 13:37

Feel free to tell me if I am indeed being a complete dick, but this got my back up and just made think “eww” Hmm
Driving this morning, and 4yo DD starts yelling that she needs a wee. So I pull into some services.
There’s a disabled toilet with baby changing facility, and then a unisex room with 3 cubicles (proper 4 walls, floor and ceiling cubicles), all of which have lockable doors. I take DD into one of the cubicles, and there’s more than enough space inside for both of us so I can close and lock the door behind me.
Get the job done, and come out to wash our hands. Only to be greeted by the sight of an adult man, trousers and underwear down round his butt cheeks, pissing with the door wide open Hmm Now I have no issue with unisex toilets. But AIBU to think that if I can get my hugely pregnant self and a 4yo inside a cubicle and close the door, then one average-sized adult can manage it too?!
I’d rather not have to look at a stranger’s bare arse cheeks while washing mine and my child’s hands thanks!!! Hmm

OP posts:
Wildboar · 03/08/2019 13:38

That’s disgusting. Yanbu. All the more reason for single sex toilets.

Gelpens · 03/08/2019 13:39

Oh I'd have splashed cold tap water on his disgusting arse and slammed the door. Gross.

littlepaddypaws · 03/08/2019 13:39

some people are just lazy, don't think or are scummy. maybe he gets off on the fact a woman or young person might see him.

18YearsAMummy · 03/08/2019 13:42

YANBU

That’s just disgusting, I don’t understand why a grown man would do that.

I’m grateful to have boys, I would hate for my young daughter to witness something that that!!

Venger · 03/08/2019 13:44

Maybe he didn't realise it was unisex and presumed it was the gents?

SarahTancredi · 03/08/2019 13:46

Urgh

This is basically sexual harassment. Theres a door. He knows how to use it. Hes doing it on purpose knowing full well women will end up having to see him.at some point.

Tartyflette · 03/08/2019 13:47

I would have told him to shut the door, there are children here.
And if there was any negative comeback from him i would speak to the staff/security in the service station. .

HermioneWeasley · 03/08/2019 13:49

He’s disgusting and getting off on it

Slightaggrandising · 03/08/2019 13:50

Grim.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/08/2019 13:53

I think he did it on purpose in hopes a woman would see him. Pig.

Venger · 03/08/2019 13:53

Where is there anything in the OP's post that suggests this an was doing this because he was getting off on it or to harass women? Hmm

The most likely explanation really is that he presumed it was the gents toilets where such a thing wouldn't even register considering that they often pee into a communal trough.

"Excuse me, I have a young child with me, could you close the door?" would have resolved it.

SarahTancredi · 03/08/2019 13:54

Maybe he didn't realise it was unisex and presumed it was the gents?

If it was the gents I expect hed have used the flies as opposed to having his trousers and pants pulled down.

Most mens underwear has a hole doesnt it?

TwistyTop · 03/08/2019 13:55

Ugh. Wtf. I'm sure you can't be arsed, and I wouldnt either, but you could take that further if you wanted to. He exposed himself to your 4yo. No need for him to have his pants down or have the cubicle door open - he's doing it on purpose.

SarahTancredi · 03/08/2019 13:58

venger

Surely the absence of urinals would have made him realise it wasn't the gents..

He knew. Let's not pretend other wise

It wouldnt have been appropriate in the mens either tbh not if he chose to use a cubicle.

Venger · 03/08/2019 14:06

Surely the absence of urinals would have made him realise it wasn't the gents..

Not all gents toilets have urinals.

He knew. Let's not pretend other wise

Show me something from the opening post that suggests he knew and/or was getting off on it.

It wouldnt have been appropriate in the mens either tbh not if he chose to use a cubicle.

For a wee it would have been, I worked in clubs and pubs for many years and thi included sometimes having to go in the gents toilets for various reasons. They can be very lax about closing doors in the gents and the general attitude is that you only close the door for a shit.

SarahTancredi · 03/08/2019 14:09

Just because men are Lax doesnt mean the behaviour is right

Lots of people take drugs or speed. Neither is legal.

Can we not lower the bar of expected behaviour that its unreasonable to expect someone to not expose themselves whilst going to the toilet

Ffs.

Venger · 03/08/2019 14:17

Just because men are Lax doesnt mean the behaviour is right

I didn't say it was right.

I said he probably presumed he was in the gents and that there was a, no evidence to the contrary and b, no evidence to suggest he was doing it deliberately in order to harass women and c, no evidence he was getting off on it.

SimonJT · 03/08/2019 14:18

Theres a toilet round us like this, the old ladies entrance has a picture of a man and a woman, the old mens entrance just has a picture of a man. Until I saw a woman in there and told her it was the mens I had no idea it had been turned into a unisex toilet.

Men only close the door to go for a poo, loads of men also pull their trousers and underwear down at urinals, the zip on lots of trousers is very short, then joggers etc don’t even have zips.

Celebelly · 03/08/2019 14:25

I just asked DP and he's never seen someone pull their trousers and underwear down so they have a bare backside while using a public urinal. He pointed out that even if you don't have a fly, you just pull joggers etc. down at the front slightly, not expose your entire arse.

I'm inclined to think it was done on purpose too tbh. Either to make a point of some sort (performance pissing) or cos he's a dirty fecker.

KUGA · 03/08/2019 14:25

I am so against unisex toilets,for thet very reason.
Amongst others.
I think it is a pedophiles paradise.
Should be illegal.

TheToldYouSoDance · 03/08/2019 14:27

Bloody voting - I pressed YABU by mistake. YA-absolutely-NBU!!

SarahTancredi · 03/08/2019 14:32

I'm inclined to think it was done on purpose too tbh. Either to make a point of some sort (performance pissing) or cos he's a dirty fecker

Course he did.

This stuff is never done by accident

everythingthelighttouches · 03/08/2019 14:38

If you're correct venger then it just goes to show that having mixed sex toilets doesn't register with a lot of men because it makes no difference to them.

Most women would have been very conscious of it may being mixed sex.

This guy may not have consciously done this but was highly inconsiderate. This is a prime example of why we shouldn't have mixed sex toilets.

everythingthelighttouches · 03/08/2019 14:41

It is still disgusting behaviour and (easier said than done) we should all be reporting such instances, rather than just "putting up with it".

RavenLG · 03/08/2019 14:49

I think a lot of men don’t use fly due to the fiddlyness of it and the teeth in jeans etc, but you certainly don’t need to get their whole arse out when not using it though. I would have said something. Prick.