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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re: unisex toilets and cubicles?

71 replies

IntoValhalla · 03/08/2019 13:37

Feel free to tell me if I am indeed being a complete dick, but this got my back up and just made think “eww”
Driving this morning, and 4yo DD starts yelling that she needs a wee. So I pull into some services.
There’s a disabled toilet with baby changing facility, and then a unisex room with 3 cubicles (proper 4 walls, floor and ceiling cubicles), all of which have lockable doors. I take DD into one of the cubicles, and there’s more than enough space inside for both of us so I can close and lock the door behind me.
Get the job done, and come out to wash our hands. Only to be greeted by the sight of an adult man, trousers and underwear down round his butt cheeks, pissing with the door wide open Now I have no issue with unisex toilets. But AIBU to think that if I can get my hugely pregnant self and a 4yo inside a cubicle and close the door, then one average-sized adult can manage it too?!
I’d rather not have to look at a stranger’s bare arse cheeks while washing mine and my child’s hands thanks!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

IntoValhalla · 03/08/2019 19:57

Should add: DD is far from quiet. She has sensory issues around noises - ie flushing toilets and public toilet hand dryers are a nightmare.....so she sings. Not really loudly, but she sings when there’s the possibility of a toilet flushing etc.
He’d definitely have heard her rendition of “Miss Polly Had A Dolly” loud and clear!

OP posts:

beccarocksbaby · 03/08/2019 20:48

Individual bad behaviour does not mean all unisex toilets are bad. Not all streets are dangerous because men have behaved badly at some point on it.

Spinnaret · 03/08/2019 20:49

Apologies - by the time I had got to the end, I had turned your DD into a boy.

SarahTancredi · 03/08/2019 21:00

Individual bad behaviour does not mean all unisex toilets are bad

If pissing with your butt exposed in full view of children is deemed as customary I think that proves enough dont you?

timeforakinderworld · 03/08/2019 21:05

This stuff is never done by accident
Well sometimes it is!

SarahTancredi · 03/08/2019 21:25

Yeah the elastic went in both the trousers and the underwear at the exact time the lock failed on the toilet door ...🙄

rwalker · 04/08/2019 12:22

From a male point of view very rarely do guys l shut the door if having a piss in a cubicle .
If you have stretch jeans and boxers don't undo just slide down and lift over the waistband .

ChangeYourThinking · 04/08/2019 18:05

@rwalker: That’s why unisex toilets are an awful idea.

nocoolnamesleft · 04/08/2019 18:13

So he would have heard your child, and he had his trousers and pants down, and the door open. Sure it was accidental.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 04/08/2019 18:34

Some very strange minimising going on; namely that the poor chap simply didn't realise?

Let's game that scenario out when an individual needs the toilet. Do you:

(A) find the toilet and check the signage for male/female and enter the relevant one, remembering you are in public and toileting accordingly?
(B) find the toilet, don't check the signs and merrily wander into any old one without a care in the world and get your bare ass out for all to see?

Original poster

IntoValhalla · 04/08/2019 20:03

@BuzzShitbagBobbly that’s exactly what made me think “ewww, you creep”
(B) find the toilet, don't check the signs and merrily wander into any old one without a care in the world and get your bare ass out for all to see?

I ran the whole scenario past my dad as well today, as well as DH yesterday when it happened, and both of them said that having a bare-arsed wee in a gents toilet isn’t normal toilet behaviour for grown adult men

OP posts:

HavelockVetinari · 04/08/2019 20:12

@BuzzShitbagBobbly has it right.

I just checked with DH, my dad, and DBro.
All three immediately said the guy was deliberately exposing himself.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 04/08/2019 20:19

Mixed sex loos are a terrible idea.

And the man with his arse out and the door open having heard a little girl singing? Of course he did it on purpose.

wineandroses1 · 04/08/2019 20:38

DH and DB confirm that they have never seen a bare arse in the gents either via open doors to cubicles or full exposure of arse at the urinals.

cardibach · 04/08/2019 20:50

I just can’t understand the posters saying he may not have realised the toilets were unisex. How on earth would that happen? Everyone checks the designation before entering a toilet. It was deliberate.
Now, can anyone think of an innocent reason to expose your arse in a way which is not, according to male posters and female posters’ male family members, normal for a gents? I’ll wait...

Original poster

IntoValhalla · 04/08/2019 21:01

cardibach Your’e right.
To anyone with half a brain cell, it would be obvious that it was unisex anyway. There was one door to the left that was partially open, clearly signed as the disabled loo and baby changing facility. Then there was only one other door straight ahead, with a sign showing the generic stick man and stick woman standing side-by-side.

OP posts:

slipperywhensparticus · 04/08/2019 21:05

You cant tell me the op didn't talk to her child the entire time in the toilet he heard a female voice he hung his arse out for a public piss despite this

Original poster

IntoValhalla · 04/08/2019 21:12

slipperywhensparticus there was way more than talking....DD’s performance of Miss Polly Had A Dolly may or may not have become a duet at one point

OP posts:

TwistyTop · 04/08/2019 23:30

I am not usually part of the "anti unisex toilets campaign", but some replies on this thread have shocked me. If you really think it's so normal that a man will walk into a clearly signed unisex toilet, knowing full well that there is a little girl in one of the cubicles (which he definitely did because she was talking to her mum and singing) and then proceed to pull his pants down below his arse and use the cubicle with the door wide open, and that this is an understandable and excusable error, then fucking hell do we have a problem. This line of thinking makes me change my whole perspective on it.

All the male posters making feeble excuses - how would you feel if that was your 3yo girl in there being exposed to that? What if she had to see that every day because it's just a totally normal mistake that lots of adult men make? Perhaps some of them would wave their dick at her too because woops! Thought it was the gents! Just a normal part of life that a 3yo old girl is forced to endure every day, right?

Skittlenommer · 04/08/2019 23:50

I don’t have a problem with unisex toilets. Although I’m not sure why he’d get his whole arse out. Maybe he was wearing difficult trousers!

CliffsofMoherVisitor · 06/08/2019 23:30

@barryfromclareisfit As it happens I was at the Cliffs of Moher today so I checked out their unisex toilets, or mixed-sex as they should more accurately be called. To be clear for those who haven't been there, they are not the single enclosed room type with private sink, but are similar those found at motorway services, with normal cubicles (15 of them), shared sinks and both sexes using it (the men looked the more confused!) No urinals.

My (male) partner accidentally walked in on a guy who had shut his cubicle door but hadn't locked it.

There are some single sex toilets also, on the first floor next to the restaurant, 7 cubicles in the ladies.

I found the mixed sex ones quite an uncomfortable experience, so used the single sex ones after that.

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