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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To share this ridiculous experience with you

89 replies

DrVonPatak · 22/07/2019 08:37

I have been off sick due to a double sided pneumonia for a couple of weeks. Getting there, but still coughing like a donkey. Getting back to work first week in August as I had a few complications. Recently I have been talking to some colleagues about a lunch/catch up.

Originally the idea was to meet somewhere as soon as I'm off antibiotics (Had a prolonged course). A colleague on ML got wind about it, wanted to get involved (she's due to return to work mid August) and started insisting we meet at her place as she couldn't get childcare. I tried to explain to her that a barely recovered pneumonia from a bacteria that her 8 month old DS hasn't had all the shots against is NOT a good idea, but apparently I'm antisocial and unreasonable.

Colleagues tried to appease her and we all agreed to have a lunch together once she's back to work, but she's been throwing WhatsApp tantrums all weekend about it. We normally get along surprisingly well for a work team and I'm really sorry to have caused tension, but WIBU to refuse to expose an 8 month old to a potential pneumonia because his mum couldn't manage a childminder?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 22/07/2019 08:41

YANBU, she's being very silly. Perhaps she's feeling really isolate and stressed about coming back so isn't being very rational.
I'd not engage with the tantrums, just reassure her you're looking forward to seeing her soon and meeting the baby once you're fully recovered

Sexnotgender · 22/07/2019 08:42

YANBU, she sounds like a loon.

Teachermaths · 22/07/2019 08:45

In fairness you don't get a pneumonia vaccine so that makes no difference.

If you are well enough to meet colleagues then you're well enough to be around a baby. 8 months isn't a newborn.

It's hard to get childcare as hoc especially with limited family support. She's probably fed up on mat leave and craving adult company.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 22/07/2019 08:45

YANBU and she's a little bit of a knob for having any kind of tantrum. It's possible that she's having a tough time adjusting to being on ML and feeling left out or isolated. But that's never a reason to make risky decisions regarding a child's health so stand your ground and don't push yourself too hard while you're still recovering. Flowers

Original poster
DrVonPatak · 22/07/2019 08:45

Thank you, I very much started to question my own decisions. I just don't feel comfortable about it at all. There were days when I barely managed through, from full gym-going, healthy eating, vice free lifestyle with full vaccination programme behind me, I probably never could forgive myself if I passed it on to a baby. Lonely or not, I don't think I could be that reckless in her shoes myself.

OP posts:
Stressedout10 · 22/07/2019 08:47

Yadnbu
I bet that she'd blame you if her DC caught pneumonia if you went though

Original poster
DrVonPatak · 22/07/2019 08:47

@Teachermaths yes, you do get vaccinated against pneumococcal bacteria and that's precisely what I had.

OP posts:
QuickRedFox · 22/07/2019 08:47

Yanbu.
Also, a vaccine against the bacteria that causes pneumonia is part of the NHS vaccine schedule.

DrDetriment · 22/07/2019 09:54

She is being unreasonable wanting you all to come round when you could have a lovely child free lunch somewhere, especially as you have been ill and will want to relax. What's the betting that if you go round to hers you will be expected to baby worship and talk nappies. Let her have her tantrum and go somewhere else. You can take her out when she's back at work.

Original poster
DrVonPatak · 22/07/2019 11:41

I'm absolutely gobsmacked at the moment. ML colleague just texted me, apparently she thinks I am unreasonable as "I took time off" and "left the team to manage as they can", so she "doesn't see why everyone else should accommodate my wishes".

Well, excuse me for being hospitalised with double pneumonia and doing what I can not to pass it on to YOUR dc.

OP posts:
TomHagenMakesMyBosomTremble · 22/07/2019 11:48

YANBU and this woman is incredibly arrogant and selfish- and short sighted! Just arrange for everyone to meet up with out her. She should get the message. She's given you some utter gold to throw back in her face in that last message you just quoted. The silly cow.

CalmdownJanet · 22/07/2019 11:50

Call her on it "Listen Mary this is the last I will say on it, I was in hospital and seriously ill, my illness/my work/my time off work have absolutely nothing to do with you. I am being considerate to your child so I suggest you put your toys back in your pram and stop embarrassing yourself. Arrange lunch for when suits yourself, colleagues and I will go ahead with our plans not at your house and if you can come great, if not you still have lunch to look forward to"

She is a gobshite, like a lunch in a colleagues house is the same as a lunch out or a lunch looking at someone else's kid for that matter!

SinkGirl · 22/07/2019 11:52

*I'm absolutely gobsmacked at the moment. ML colleague just texted me, apparently she thinks I am unreasonable as "I took time off" and "left the team to manage as they can", so she "doesn't see why everyone else should accommodate my wishes".

What, like choosing to have a baby and taking time off, then hijacking existing plans to accommodate her wishes?

The irony.

Herocomplex · 22/07/2019 11:55

Teachermath you can be vaccinated if you’re in a vulnerable category.

Original poster
DrVonPatak · 22/07/2019 11:55

Not sure what happened to her, before ML she'd never have done something like this. Another colleague is having a word with her, but it feels like a game of tennis over their already overstretched backs.

OP posts:
Herocomplex · 22/07/2019 11:57

She’s lost the plot. You’ve been very ill, (as you know) and she’s behaving terribly.

StCharlotte · 22/07/2019 12:10

YANBU!

In the meantime, I never knew pneumonia could be contagious.

Every day's a school day...

ohfourfoxache · 22/07/2019 12:12

God almighty she’s a fuckwit Shock

Herocomplex · 22/07/2019 12:14

There’s viral and bacterial and fungal pneumonia. You can develop meningitis. It was news to me as well when my DC got it 🙁. I was shocked how many other children were in the same ward with the same thing.

Original poster
DrVonPatak · 22/07/2019 12:14

Apparently, your immune system must be down for a normal person to get it (8 weeks of budget stress and working around the clock in my case) but elderly, immunosuppressed and babies before the completion of vaccination are the most susceptible. Hence my reluctance to expose her DS to it.

OP posts:
pictish · 22/07/2019 12:16

What a monumental twat.

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 22/07/2019 12:19

She is off her rocker... but give her some grace if she is normally reasonable and write it off as severe sleep deprivation impairing her judgement.

WomanLikeMeLM · 22/07/2019 12:19

Well she has been warned about the Pneumonia but tbf your Antibiotics should of worked by now otherwise you would be on IV Antibiotics in hospital.

Jeezoh · 22/07/2019 12:21

She sounds like she’s had a very OTT reaction to this but to be fair, maybe she feels she’s best placed to decide whether it’s a risk for her child or not.

WomanLikeMeLM · 22/07/2019 12:22

@DrVonPatak you got vaccinated against 1 strain, there is 24 strains of it. Glad your feeling better.

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