To share this ridiculous experience with you

[DrVonPatak]

I have been off sick due to a double sided pneumonia for a couple of weeks. Getting there, but still coughing like a donkey. Getting back to work first week in August as I had a few complications. Recently I have been talking to some colleagues about a lunch/catch up.

Originally the idea was to meet somewhere as soon as I'm off antibiotics (Had a prolonged course). A colleague on ML got wind about it, wanted to get involved (she's due to return to work mid August) and started insisting we meet at her place as she couldn't get childcare. I tried to explain to her that a barely recovered pneumonia from a bacteria that her 8 month old DS hasn't had all the shots against is NOT a good idea, but apparently I'm antisocial and unreasonable.

Colleagues tried to appease her and we all agreed to have a lunch together once she's back to work, but she's been throwing WhatsApp tantrums all weekend about it. We normally get along surprisingly well for a work team and I'm really sorry to have caused tension, but WIBU to refuse to expose an 8 month old to a potential pneumonia because his mum couldn't manage a childminder?

Regardless of whether her baby is exposed or not, she's a dick for taking over your lunch and making it about herself. You've been sick ffs. What if you wanted a nice relaxing lunch out somewhere that wasn't stuck inside? You might be sick of being in a house. I could be projecting here as I've had experience of long illness and being housebound. If I was looking forward to a lunch out I'd be disappointed to have that changed to someone else's house and have the option of menus and choosing something to eat disappear.

You’re not currently about to return from ML are you AmIBeingdaft81?

maybe she feels she’s best placed to decide whether it’s a risk for her child or not

Oh yes, all parents are well-informed on microbiological risk. They are all also doctors.

You’re not contagious as you will have finished your antibiotics and returning to work very shortly.

Antibiotics don't immediately kill everything (well, not anymore - apparently the sulphonamides did when they first came on the scene). That's why you have to keep taking them; they kill off a large swathe of the bacteria and then you have to keep the pressure on the bacteria for the next 5-7 days until even the last ones remaining have been decimated. You still have them in/on your body, and are still shedding them; you're just not shedding quite enough to cause illness in someone who's got a healthy immune system. A person who does not have a healthy/mature immune system (like, say, oh, A BABY) will be at risk.

Pneumococcal vaccine is administered at 13 months IIRC. Even if the mum was immunised against pneumococcal bacteria and is breast-feeding, that will not be sufficient to completely protect the child.

OP, YANBU at all!

I suspect she is probably on a very limited budget if she is coming to the end of her Mat Leave, and was hoping to save a few quid by hosting, but is too embarrassed to say this and has now got herself tangled up in this stupid argument.

I think YANBU

Potentially seeing it from her perspective, she's on Mat Leave, returning in the same timeframe as you, and a bunch of colleagues are meeting up socially and she's excluded because of you. Would she usually be invited along? Someone has clearly invited her this time.

Another vote for her possibly having PND, if she's usually reasonable and sensible. Is there soemone other than you who could maybe put it to her that she's making a twat of herself and everyone is worried that she might need help? YANBU at all.

Good grief! don't ML colleague spoil your nice lunch OUT somewhere.

@Maudebegone hardly, her DH is a very high earner. Although, if mumsnet stories are anything to go by, there could be an issue on that side, although I doubt it in this case.

PND is still top on my list of suspects.

It sounds bad enough you being ill and hospitalised, @DrVonPatak, let alone having to deal with all that histrionics.

I'd stay off the WhatsApp and blank any further interaction about the social event, it really isn't your problem, and it just becomes a shitstorm the more you try to please people like that. As I always mutter to myself "they'll get over it"

Main thing, look after YOU, avoid stress and get well again.

Don't even bother trying to explain or rationalise it - why should you care.

And you caring about her baby... "Never let a good deed go unpunished"

Well, well, well... after a lot of toing and froing I decided to give the colleague a ring, clear the air, reassure her that in a no way would I dream of professionally stepping in her shoes, more than happy to back off as soon as she's back, even offer an office buffet when she's back to make her feel included, explain that I'm under doctor's orders not to go near babies etc.

Her reply?

Apparently I was not in the office when the mini baby shower took place and didn't sign the card. I did throw in £10 a week before when the collection box was doing the rounds, but I didn't sign the card, so she thought she'd give me a discreet chance to "give her baby a proper gift" and even offered to pass me a link to a specific item, which, on a later check, costs upwards of £75. I haven't sent my sister a present in that range when she had my niece!!!

I told her in no uncertain terms that I have no intention of doing anything like that. For the sake of office harmony I will refrain from involving the HR, but I told her on the phone just how unprofessional she came across, especially after covering her arse in the office for months!

I'm still fuming. Haven't told about this to any but my closest colleague and we both agreed it would be best to sleep on it before whatsapping a storm. But still... 😤

So despite you contributing to the office baby shower present she wants an additional £75 baby gift because you didn’t sign a card?! Wow ...

Did you not have much to do with her before this, OP? Because usually that level of self-obsession and malevolence shows up in little ways before the person really reveals themselves. She almost certainly has form for annoyng her colleagues and making stuff All About Her.

I'd probably send an email to your closest colleague to cover your arse, confirming what she's said to you and you're a little concerned that she might be vulnerable to PND so might benefit from somebody being 'there' to give her additional support and reassurance as she seems to have fixated upon you/demanded gifts with menaces, which you're sure she would never dream of doing ordinarily.

That way, if she does come back very hostile, you have a 'paper trail' in case she claims victimisation.

If she doesn't have PND then she has a very serious attitude problem

Shes batshit-you need to tak this further now she clearly isnt letting it go

What?! She’s nuts! This doesn’t sound like PND to me - she just sounds like a grabby cow! I don’t think I’d be able to resist telling other colleagues about her behaviour.

Really hope you feel better soon - pneumonia sounds horrendous

What.The.Actual.Fuck??????

I’ve never seen depression manifest itself as being an entitled CF like this before

Jeez OP this started out as a "she's taking over my lunch" thread to a complete CF thread. Even if you hadn't donated to her baby present, so fucking what. Is it a rule in your employee manual.

Like a pp said definitely keep someone in work informed of her carry on by email. Hopefully there will be no need to produce it but if things get a bit crazy on your return to work at least you will have something in writing.

Good luck with this crazy lady. Rather you.

Regardless of whether her baby is exposed or not, she's a dick for taking over your lunch and making it about herself You've been sick ffs. What if you wanted a nice relaxing lunch out somewhere that wasn't stuck inside? You might be sick of being in a house... If I was looking forward to a lunch out I'd be disappointed to have that changed to someone else's house and have the option of menus and choosing something to eat disappear.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Then I saw OP's update and agreed even more! (If that's even possible).

Co-worker is a grade A selfish, self centred CF of the highest order! Going forward I'd be restricting our relationship to professional courtesies only.

so she thought she'd give me a discreet chance to "give her baby a proper gift" and even offered to pass me a link to a specific item, which, on a later check, costs upwards of £75

I'm glad you set her right on this. What an arrogant, entitled, condescending bitch (she is)!

How did this go from lunch to a £75 baby present she is a massive CF.

Weell she certainly spunds bonkers. I suspect shes a bit isolatedand lonely and thats her real issue.
Put 9f curiosity, y baby had pneumococcal jabs, are they against some varieties of pneumonia? Maybe she's imagining full protection because of that. Either way I wouldnt want to risk it

She sounds like a lunatic but if you are still contagious in August I am not sure if lunch with anyone is a good idea. You sound like you have been through a terrible experience you poor thing. I think you might want to have a chat with HR on how to respond to her. She may come to her senses but sometimes when people do they are so embarrased by their behaviour they treat the person they were terrible to even worse. You might want to lay the ground work with HR now incase she gets worse when you go back to work. I hope you have taken a photo of the text she sent you. Hope you feel better soon.

It sounds like she's annoyed by the attention you're getting, and her pregnancy and baby are no longer in the limelight. She wants attention.