to object when people try to emotionally blackmail my 4 year old into eating more than he wants?

[EscapeFrom]

Ex is here, overseeing kids lunch, and I have just pulled him up for saying "When you have eaten all your toast I will be very proud of you"

FFS! I can think of better things to be proud of a child for, and I detest the implication that if he doesn't eat his toast, daddy won't be proud of him any more.

Er - I don't think there's anything wrong with this?

Agree there are more important things to be proud of your child for but at least he's trying to engage him!

Please don't take this the wrong way but are you sure you're not just finding fault with him because he is your ex and therefore presumably there are issues there?

Being proud, maybe isn't the best choice of words, but the sentiment is fine, encouraging ds to finish what he has.
I don't have a problem witht hat.

pull back, pull back .. you're on the brink of PFB syndrome

On reading the thread title I thought YANBU, but on reading the OP I think YABU.

Having a very light eater myself, I do get fed up with the lovey-dovey pestering he gets from my mum (and, I admit, sometimes from us - but a different sort of perstering) to eat up.

But that little interaction between your ex and ds seems mild and harmless. I don't think it implies what you say, just a way for his dad to connect with him. Though perhaps not the way one might prefer - I can understadn that.

We use tactics such as "if you eat up all your breakfast you will have lots of energy for dancing and playing and you will grow big and strong"

don't go so much for the emotional blackmail and tbh I can see why the OP is annoyed

Erm, I actually think that's a bit out of order. That's a bizarre thing to say.

When MIL she puts huuuuuuge amounts of effort into getting my kids to eat what she thinks they should - stupid games etc and it drives me nuts because my approach is 'eat it, or don't eat it but it's meal time and if you don't eat it you'll have to wait until the next one'. I just don't want to make it a huge issue.

I agree with you. The idea that he is only going to be proud of his son for eating all his food is bizarre.

Parental approval shouldn't be conditional on something like this.

No no not pfb

It's ISHOOS

I have ISHOOS with food, and my mother used to use guilt to make me to eat.

I think that what you're ex is saying isn't great but it's not the end of the world either. If this was my dh I would explain to him why I didn't like it and he would change his approach. If you can have an amicable discussion with your ex would do so but if it's likely to degenerate into an arguement or cause bad feeling I would try to let it go. Don't know how much time your kids spend with your ex but would guess that you are their main influence so it's unlikely to cause them any long term damage. This is the rational approach - it would still annoy me though!

Think Speccy is spot on.

If you had negative experiences of being guilt tripped into eating when you were small I find it easier to understand why this upset you. But I still think that your ex's intentions were probably not that at all - he was just trying to engage his ds and encourage him to eat.

no yanbu. I hate all that too - oh you must eat up and I will be so pleased!
I don't see what's so great about finishing what's on your plate tbh, and I hate confusing food and nutrition with discipline and praise.

Hurrah for harpsi. Me too.

I wouldn't have a problem with someone saying this to my dc's.

Message withdrawn

oh god. "emotional blackmail". I'm sure your son will get over it.

My ds1's grandma once put icecream on his toast crusts to force him to eat all the crusts
He is now 13 and thankfully has no recollection but she came to stay recently (exps mum) and started the same with my dd (5) who promptly got out of her chair and walked off saying no I have had enough

My kids eat well, if they leave it then they leave it...

Toast??!? For lunch?!?!?!?? [horror]

"if kids eat to please others how can they learn when they're full?"
yes that's the issue for me. how many people really eat when they're hungry and stop when they're full? I know hardly anyone with an uncomplicated relationship with food.

I don't stop when I'm full, but I wouldn't call my relationship with food "complicated". I'm just greedy.

I rather sympathise with the OP, as I think that relationship with food should be kept simple. Cant stand people who get worked up if a child doesnt clear its plate, for example.

Have as little as possible to do with your ex though as a general rule! If you see the details of how he is parenting its bound to wind you up.

Greensleeves, WTF is wrong with beans and scrambled egg on toast for lunch?

As it happens, he sees the kids daily, mostly at tea time, so it is something that is happening every day. This is mainly why I am objecting to it, he actually has more influence over the main mealtime (dinner usually) than I do.