to object when people try to emotionally blackmail my 4 year old into eating more than he wants?

[EscapeFrom]

Ex is here, overseeing kids lunch, and I have just pulled him up for saying "When you have eaten all your toast I will be very proud of you"

FFS! I can think of better things to be proud of a child for, and I detest the implication that if he doesn't eat his toast, daddy won't be proud of him any more.

No, it is crap

a very nice woman in a cafe said to ds "now when I come back I want to see that plate clean". WHY? Ds was SCARED ffs! I instantly said "Don't worry, you only have to eat what you want" and resisted the urge to add "because anything else would be FRICKING MADNESS"

when I said "No it is crap"

I meant "no, you are not being unreasonable", not "no, beans on toast is crap". btw

I am assuming Greeny was joking? Don't worry, she can be very odd you know

No, EF, sorry - it was a joke!! I was just trying to make light of the general ridiculousness of some of the posts - congratulating children for eating food they don't want/need is a particular bugbear of mine.

It's a great lunch, I had it yesterday!!!

Oh ok, sorry

I have a headache so I am VERY snippy today

I have very disordered eating, and my ishoos around food stem from the way my mother fed me (food = love). Some of the posters on the thread have scoffed at the idea that this kind of thing can affect someone for life, but I am proof that, in some cases at least, they can. Tying in self-worth (daddy's pride) with food can open up a whole can of worms which really can have long lasting effects.

I completely understand you not wanting him to say things to his son which might imply that his daddy's love is conditional on him eating all his food. And if this is repeated on a day-to-day basis, I would want him to stop - his daddy's approval shouldn't be conditional on anything.

Not every child whose parents treat food in this way go on to develop issues around food, but many do. I'm sure to your ex it's just a turn of phrase, and it may well be that your son isn't affected by it, but I can certainly empathise with where you're coming from on this one.

Okay, maybe he didn't have the best choice of words but it sounds like he was trying. I wouldn't be mad about it because his intentions are good. I imagine parents say stuff like that to thier kids all the time.