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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up with looking after friends daughter

30 replies

andiem · 20/07/2007 15:57

I have one ds7 one ds 4 weeks. My friend has recently split up from her husband. I am on mat leave at the moment and have become her unpaid child minder. In the last 4 weeks since the baby was born I have looked after her daughter 8 or 9 times both before and after school. Some of those times she hasn't been picked up till 18.30 in spite of me saying 18.00 is the latest I can have her.She is also dropped of at 7.30 in the morning when we are just about up.
I feel exhausted by it as she is not the happiest of children and mooches about and winges when she is here. She is also unpleasant to my ds who always tries to be nice as I have told him that she is having a hard time at the moment
My friend wants me to look after her in the school hols as well should I tell her no or be stricter about timings etc am I being a whinger

OP posts:
lulumama · 20/07/2007 15:59

if she needs a childminder, she should find one, and pay...you have a newborn..you should be resting as much as you can...i think she is being totally unreasonable, and taking advantage of your good nature

do not devote the holidays to caring for her child...

what did she do for child care before she split from her DH?

belgo · 20/07/2007 16:00

if you don't want to look after her, then say so. That's an awful lot of unpaid babysitting, especially as you have such a small baby.

DoubleBluff · 20/07/2007 16:00

Tell her to get lost.She' no freind.
Who dumps their kid on someone whao has just had a baby, fgs!

SpeccieSeccie · 20/07/2007 16:01

DS 4weeks! No, no, no. YANBU. Please don't commit yourself to looking after this child in the holidays. It won't be good for you or your dss. If you say no presumably your friend will need to make alternative arrangements which might suit the child better. Having a newborn is such a vulnerable time, I can't believe this woman is taking advantage.

JoolsToo · 20/07/2007 16:01

Just tell her, if you just had a new baby you'd be happy to help but it's really just to much for you at the moment. If she doesn't understand she's not a very good friend imvho.

JoolsToo · 20/07/2007 16:02

hadn't just had

Elasticwoman · 20/07/2007 16:02

No, you are being a doormat. Let your friend make other arrangements. She has imposed upon you for too long. Just tell her it is not convenient to have her dd, and get your dh/p to back you up if necessary. You have just had a baby yourself, you need some peace and quiet and time to bond with your baby and get over the birth. This time with your baby will not come again, and also it is not fair on your older child either. Enough is enough.

Original poster
andiem · 20/07/2007 16:02

shall I make you all laugh she is a hv......admittedly I am a children's nurse so have lots of kiddy experience but even so I feel abused.

Lulu her dh helped with childcare before they split up so she has never had to pay for it unlike some of us so I think she is very reluctant to pay

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 20/07/2007 16:02

Jools - I think you mean hadn't That's exactly what I was going to say!

LilRedWG · 20/07/2007 16:03

In that case, should most definitely should know better - she's taken advantage of you, tell her to stick it!

DoubleBluff · 20/07/2007 16:04

She should know (?) then how hard things are for you.
Why cant her ex help out? Still the kids father.

Original poster
andiem · 20/07/2007 16:04

I am being a doormat I know I will just have to learn how to say no but I wasn't sure if I was being a bit well unreasonable as her situation is tricky

OP posts:
tiredemma · 20/07/2007 16:04

Im amazed that a HV would dump thier child on a woman who has a 4 week old baby.

How does she get to and from school? do you hav eto take her also?

Lostmykeys · 20/07/2007 16:05

I know what my health visitor would say if she knew I was childminding after having a newborn (not that I usually take any notice of her, but that's another story...) ditto what everyone else says, and even if you are coping now you will look back and regret looking after this child, especially if she is unpleasant. All the best

Desiderata · 20/07/2007 16:05

Yep! She needs a poke in the eye with a bony finger.

LilRedWG · 20/07/2007 16:05

You've got a four week old - that's enough to cope with and definitely enough for your older son to cope with. He shouldn't have to put up with a whingy girl too!

lulumama · 20/07/2007 16:06

agree.. if she doesn;t understand why this is unreasonable, tehn she is not a good friend

she needs to pay for child care or at the very very least ,give you reciprocal help

TheMuppetMuggle · 20/07/2007 16:07

I think she is being unreasonable esp as you have 4 week old and to not pay or even offer you something as good will is terrible.
I'd say NO until you agree something.

jessem · 20/07/2007 16:07

Good God. She is expecting FAR too much from you. You should be concentrating on your new family. You are having to adapt with a newborn, you have enough on your plate. Your friend should know that. You are not being unreasonable if you say no to her.

Freckle · 20/07/2007 16:08

Tell her your gp has ordered as much rest as possible due to exhaustion (not unusual with a toddler and a newborn), so you will not be able to have her dd anymore.

How old is the child anyway?

I don't think she is being much of a friend.

tortoiseSHELL · 20/07/2007 16:10

I do agree that this is unfair on you, but I wonder if you friend is just not able to look at things from your point of view - if she's only just split from her h, then I guess she's very preoccupied, and that can give you a certain amount of tunnel vision. How about having her over for coffee, and chatting it all through in a relaxed way, but stressing that you can't do this much childminding - she's probably not even thinking about it.

LilRedWG · 20/07/2007 16:11

Please tell me that she is not your HV!

TootyFrooty · 20/07/2007 16:12

And your older ds will feel very put out. First of all he gets a new brother and then a whingy girl arrives on the scene. Poor thing.

You need your rest and to concentrate on your children. TBH this is something you may fall out with her over but your children and your well being are far more important.

EmilyDavidson · 20/07/2007 16:17

Your friend sounds like she is having trouble coping. The trouble is if she keeps leaning on you excessively then you will have trouble coping too.
Her life and problems aren't more important than yours.
Tell her enough is enough

RGPargy · 20/07/2007 16:25

I agree with what everyone else has said. Tell her eff off!! Cheeky bint!!!