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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

by insisting DP looks after DS on his day off.

49 replies

hoolagirl · 19/07/2007 19:25

Me and DP live together with MY ds (2.5) and his DS (13).

DP has Tuesdays off, and when I was working from home I worked Tuesday mornings but would have DS at childminders all day so me and DP would have the afternoon to ourselves.

Now I am going back to work full time outside the home and DP has announced that he is looking forward to having Tuesdays to himself.

We have only been living together for 6 months, so I had DS in childminders on a Tuesday anyway (but obviously extended this to the afternoon as well)

I think that he should have DS on his day off whilst I am at work, but he wants to put him in childminders.

I need to work 1 weekend in 4 and obviously he is happy to have him then, but its just this bloody Tuesday thing.

His arguement is that even when I had a shift off and DS was due at the childminders then I would still put him in, which is true.
To be honest, DS loves his childminder and I struggle to fill my time with him.

So am I being unreasonable in expecting DP to sacrifice his day off?

OP posts:
DangerousBeans · 19/07/2007 19:28

Does your DP get weekends off as well?

SpiderBaby · 19/07/2007 19:29

hhhhmmmmm

I can see both sides to be honest

If ds likes his childminder, is it really a problem? or can you not afford it anymore?

skidoodle · 19/07/2007 19:29

um yeah.

when you weren't working you put had your son at the childminders so that you and DP could have free time together, but now you have to work you want DP to look after your son rather than enjoy his usual Tuesday routine, but just without you?

really sounds like you're suiting yourself here.

WigWamBam · 19/07/2007 19:30

If you weren't prepared to look after ds on your days off, I can see his point.

Original poster
hoolagirl · 19/07/2007 19:34

Damn damn, might cut him some slack then .
He does get most weekends off as well, but he's a manager so things can happen.
DS was only in the childminders an extra 4 hours a week.
If I got a sneaky shift off it was for 3 hours or so and ended up doing housework in peace without DS hanging around. (childminder only stays 10 min walk away).
Can afford it, and DS adores childminder.

OP posts:
Tortington · 19/07/2007 19:39

let him have some time then.

cat64 · 19/07/2007 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

skidoodle · 19/07/2007 19:59

no, no, no

unless you have good reason to feel aggrieved that your DP doesn't pull his weight around the house, DO NOT start planning things for him to do during his free time

although actually I think that was just a joke. phew.

lulumama · 19/07/2007 20:01

eeekk!! no way, YABU

sorry !

DH is entitled to have a day off, and is more likely to be able to get stuff done, and relax as you would expect to on your day off.....

would you sacrifice your day off, as you put it?

Original poster
hoolagirl · 19/07/2007 20:42

Yes but my point is that I will have DS on my days off and he won't.

OP posts:
skidoodle · 19/07/2007 20:43

Isn't he your son?

Original poster
hoolagirl · 19/07/2007 20:44

Yes he's mine, does that make a difference?

OP posts:
Original poster
hoolagirl · 19/07/2007 20:45

Have been with DP since before DS was a year old.

OP posts:
skidoodle · 19/07/2007 20:50

I dunno, maybe...

why do you want him to spend his midweek day off looking after your son as well as looking after him during the weekend?

why do you think that you looking after him on your day off means your DP should have to do likewise?

I just don't get why you can't just leave arrangements as they are and leave your partner his Tuesday off that he is obviously looking forward to.

what's the deal with wanting him to look after your son when your son loves the child minder, when you were off work he went to the childminder on Tuesdays, and when he isn't otherwise shirking whatever responsibility he has as your partner for helping to look after your child?

it seems like you're making a fuss over nothing, tbh

southeastastra · 19/07/2007 20:54

it it were me, i'd make my dp have him on tuesdays

Original poster
hoolagirl · 19/07/2007 20:54

I haven't worked for 3 months, so DS is currently with me all the time at the mo,
When he returns to childminders the hours etc will all be completely new.
I should add that he leaves for work on a Thursday morning and does not return until Friday afternoon every week (in addition to normal hours), I am therefore responsible for his DS during this period.
He also usually has to juggle his holidays to try and get time off during school holidays etc which he no longer has to do as I am here.

Hate using 'his' and 'my' son.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 19/07/2007 20:58

it seems like a perfect opportunity for your son and him to have some one on one time with each other. suggest that he gives it a trial run?

HedTwigg · 19/07/2007 20:58

yes I think you're being unreasonable

Original poster
hoolagirl · 19/07/2007 21:01

He will need to take him for the first month of Tuesdays anyway till I get paid as I pay childminder on a weekly basis.
If he still doesn't want to after this he's off the hook then.
I can see his point, but I thought he was being a tiny bit selfish. I would love a day to myself, but it's not worth falling out over.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 19/07/2007 21:05

he might enjoy it

Original poster
hoolagirl · 19/07/2007 21:06

Fingers crossed, but I think he would like a day to himself more!

OP posts:
skidoodle · 19/07/2007 21:10

did he insist you help out with looking after his son while he was away and during holidays?

I just don't see that you have much of a position to be insisting on your DP looking after your son, or even deciding that they should be spending "one on one" time together.

I mean by all means, if you feel Tuesday is that important to you (it is still beyond me why) then talk to him about the care you give to his son and how it seems you do more than your fair share, and how Tuesday would balance things out in your mind.

you know what? I'm utterly confused by this whole question.

HedTwigg · 19/07/2007 21:13

'kin 'ell .. if I had the choice of 1 day a week without a toddler I'd bloody jump at it

I think your DP is just being totally sane about this .. he wants some free time .. he has the kids at the weekend .. and will do on his own due to your job once a month

really, really think you've got this out of proportion

Original poster
hoolagirl · 19/07/2007 21:14

He does not insist that I look after his son, he just expected me to do so and I expected to do so as we all live together as a family unit.

OP posts:
Original poster
hoolagirl · 19/07/2007 21:15

HedTwigg I would jump at it as well, its not a massive issue, I just need some perspective on it.

OP posts:
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