Made a huge, messy, mistake last night (lighthearted)

[MeMyselfAndEyes]

Got in last night from the pub, DP fast asleep in bed.

Was a bit peckish so ordered a kebab, delivered and scoffed fully. I then look in the fridge for milk and see in the freezer compartment Ben Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie, AND Haagen Dazs Strawberry Cheesecake.

Temptation too high. The next hour was one of watching gorgeous people on the 'net and gorging myself on ice cream. OMG my face was covered in cream.

I sneaked up to bed, but this morning OH has found the evidence and is threatening divorce, restricting access to the kids and that I need to move out to give her space.

What do I do?

(I've been here on MN for some years now, this isn't some kind of shitty slant against women - purely lighthearted)

I have read your op 3 times and still don't get it.

You order DP a Kebab, buy Ben & Jerry's and Haagen Daaz and never be so inconsiderate again obviously.

I guess it depends whether 'watching gorgeous people on the net' means she caught you watching porn!

Get a divorce. Then you can scoff all the ice cream you like.

did you eat all her haagen daz and ben and jerrys? your lucky to still be alive, that is evil!!!

Was it her ice cream you scoffed? She may have a point if so

LTB?

(That’s directed at OP’s other half).

Aren't these kind of posts meant to be funny?

Is she leaving you because you're so un-funny?

Pack your bags pal. If that was her ice cream you are fucked. There is no amount of counselling that will mend what you have done.

Unforgivable. You should be ashamed of yourself.

I don't understand what the joke is.

Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ben & Jerrys? The rest I could maybe get over but not that, if you were my partner you would be dead to me after such a crime.

I don't get it

Yep, her ice cream. Leaving the empties and the kebab wrappings on the side clearly was a bad idea. The BJ's fudge brownie I probably could get away with but strawberry cheesecake is her absolute favourite.

Sorry for being unfunny, I guess she'll cite that in the divorce papers too

If you were watching porn, is "my face was covered in cream" a euphemism?

yuuuk --< NOT envy

OH has found the evidence and is threatening divorce, restricting access to the kids and that I need to move out to give her space.

Tell DP that you want an open relationship (open to kebabs and ice cream). Ours is and it's much healthier (except in the literal sense).

To be fair if I got up and found that my drunk DH had left kebab wrappers and empty ice cream tubs lying around for me clear up after him I'd be pretty pissed off.

Are you very overweight? Were you able to look after the kids this morning?

Sorry, OP, I don't think this will make the MN classics.

So you scoff all her ice cream and can't be arsed to throw the empties in the bin? I mean you didn't even TRY to cover your tracks? That's just pathetic.
Yeah, she'll want you to leave.

What can you do??
Replace the ice cream obviously. If you have time to post on mn then you have time to go shopping

Has she always dated un-funny, greedy, lazy, partners? or are the first ?
(light-hearted)

You ate two containers of ice cream? How are you not raging sick?

I think the only hope you have is to wear black and put a box of chocs on her dressing table which you have reached by climbing a drainpipe and through an open window. Gentle breezes mandatory.

Wow.

Tough crowd on here today OP.

This is not going the way you planned it hahaha