Made a huge, messy, mistake last night (lighthearted)

[MeMyselfAndEyes]

Got in last night from the pub, DP fast asleep in bed.

Was a bit peckish so ordered a kebab, delivered and scoffed fully. I then look in the fridge for milk and see in the freezer compartment Ben Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie, AND Haagen Dazs Strawberry Cheesecake.

Temptation too high. The next hour was one of watching gorgeous people on the 'net and gorging myself on ice cream. OMG my face was covered in cream.

I sneaked up to bed, but this morning OH has found the evidence and is threatening divorce, restricting access to the kids and that I need to move out to give her space.

What do I do?

(I've been here on MN for some years now, this isn't some kind of shitty slant against women - purely lighthearted)

See for me. It would depend. Was I prewarned about this prior to living with you? What were the rules.

(My boyfriend knows he leaves a t shirt at mine it becomes “our” t shirt and he has no recourse to it’s return to him)

Are you bored @MeMyselfAndEyes ?

OP, if I'd done this, DW would be burying what was left of me. Divorce wouldn't be necessary. Ice cream allocation isn't something we overlook in our house.

AIBU is a humorless snake pit sometimes.

What’s “beautiful people on the net”? Porn? you’re really not funny. Loser.

Well, presumably she wasn’t going to eat 2 tubs of ice cream before dinner time, so as long as you’ve replaced it by this evening and tidied up the mess you left, I can’t see an issue.

Am amazed you didn’t spew though. Presumably you were the worse for wear already, hence kebab and ice cream, so alcohol, kebab and 2 tubs of ice cream?! You must have a strong (and capacious!) stomach!

WTF is wrong with people? It's quite clear from the OP his DP wants to divorce him because he's scoffed all the ice cream, 🙄

Watching gorgeous people on the net? What does that even mean?

I bet the divorce is more to do with you leaving your shit around for her to pick up. Lazy and selfish.

Watching gorgeous people on the net? What does that even mean?

I think the OP was referring to porn and the messy cream aspect is a euphemism for his partner being a bit unhappy at jizz on the soft furnishings.

Nice...

I think the OP just posted to say the greedy fucker ate a kebab then a full tub of strawberry cheesecake and fudge brownie ice cream and his DP is thoroughly pissed off this morning.

Simples, clean your shit up, apologise and replace the ice cream, then go for a run to get rid of the lard you put on through your 4000 calorie snack 🤷‍♀️

Never mind the porn, why the fuck didn't you put the rubbish in the bin? Not your job??

Would've thought it was a reverse tbh

See I took it as tongue in cheek.

Breaking news: MN users suffer humour bypass.

Get a grip people. No reason to attack the OP here. We've all except you fucking saints drunkenly done something we shouldn't have.

I would find a divorce lawyer too!😁
But my DH knows me well and knows that he should wake me up, pour me a glass and let me binge on the kebab and ice cream too😁
Would never forgive him for not letting me know about the rare Kebab occurence in our house

Not the strawberry cheesecake!!!

I'd start running if I were you. The rest I could overlook as I've probably done similar but that's my favorite flavour too and if Dh ate mine he'd be toast! 😂

Some people here are a bit uptight. I kind of feel sorry for their husbands actually.

Jesus. The whole thing was a joke. Hence the lighthearted tag. I hoped that was obvious from the kebab and TWO tubs of ice cream. I don't even like chocolate ice cream. No worries, thanks for the replies, I will see if I can have a funnier sense of humour implanted before posting again...

Wait, so you made the post up?

So none of this was true? You could have made up literally any amusing story in the entire world, and this is what you thought would be hysterically funny?

Oh yeah-you’re so funny OP making shit up for giggles

What was the joke? You pretended you’d eaten two tubs of ice cream, but you hadn’t?

Before you go... can you clarify that GPOTN (gorgeous people on the net) is actually porn?

So this didn't actually happen?

Hilarious