to expect NCT classes to meet after bl**dy work?

[silkcushion]

I can't believe it. I've waited ages for them to get back to me and now they say it's 3 sessions. One 8pm til 10pm and 2 x 10am-4pm. How the hell do they expect my husband and I to manage that before I start maternity leave??????

Very sorry everyone. Hormonal pregnant angst coupled with disappointment.

I don't know anyone locally with children. I was hoping to make friends with other mums and now I won't be able to.

silkcushion, sorry to hear this

you WILL find lots of mates postnatally, trust me, if you go for it

could the teacher consider doing the daylong sessions at the weekend?

Whereabouts are you based?

I'm sure that there are other antenatal courses that run in the evenings or over a weekend.

oh I hadn't considered asking for that. I was too busy having a hissy fit at the email she sent me

How do you meet other new mums then? Cos I'll have to go back to work after 3 months and none of my friends have children.

Mars

Do other people run antenatal classes?

I'm in Gloucestershire

SC my ante-natal was during the day. I was on mat leave by then and DP took the time off. It was good because it gave DP the chance to focus on the birth and the baby and what was likely to happen (I'd already done this) and I met one couple who will be friends for life. But I also found that I met loads of other people through other things - one o'clock club, local family centre, babymassage, baby yoga, swimming lessons etc. etc. NCT isn't the only way. Ask your Health Visitor, once you have one, about other groups in your area and join everything.

I know if sounds like a pain, but if it's only 2 days, I'd say it's worth taking the time off work (officially or skiving) as you're right - you need to meet people going through the same thing.

Hi Silkcushion

I only managed one NCT class as DS arrived 3 weeks early on the day of the second class! Have managed to meet other mums since through visits to the health clinic and also some local music classes for babies(monkey music). So it is possible. Don't give up.

You could also look around for alternative local antenatal classes. The ones I missed were NCT but were weekend classes and there were also some others run by a local midwife which I think were also weekend classes.

You can also look for other mums nearby on mumsnet

Do you have NHS antenatal classes available - local health centre or hopsital where you are to give birth (if not home birth)? I did the NHS classes with DH and they were fine.

also have a feeling you are entitled to take the time off for antenatal classes but am not sure about this you would need to check with your HR dept.

OK, have to admit I'd be pissed at this (& I'm on the committee of our local NCT!) - I'd defn point out that this isn't convenient/ask if there are other sessions (if you don't tell them, then no-one will.

OTOH ... spending the whole day with people you'll prob bond more than spread over lots of evenings...Would you be able to count it as an antenatal appt (free leave - you wouldn't have to take as hols) - a few girls in my AN class did this for our (2x2hr) daytime sessions...

If yuou can, I'd really try & make some kind of class - not the only way to meet people, but the easiest, imho

Thanks for advice everyone.

Taking the time off is impossible unfortunately because it is within a couple of weeks of starting maternity leave. My position in the company means I really can't skive, also neither can my husband. I'll have no holiday left to take either as I need it to get some time off to flake out pre birth!

MW says we get a tour of hospital and one class on the NHS.Which isn't very much.

I have started pregnancy yoga so hopefully that will help me meet people. Also will search on line to find alternative antenatal classes. Maybe an independent MW or something?

Are you sure the 10-4 days aren't at the weekend? I can't believe the NCT would do this, as most of their take up is from professional people who don't yet have kids, ie in the same position as you.

you might find a doula that does birth prep/antenatal classes

postnatal:

if you only have 3 months you can still do it but you'll need to be focused

treat as work project Operation Mates

ask antenatal midwife for info re groups, you may not have the energy later

note in particular groups/cafes etc with breastfeeding connection, if you wish to breastfeed, thereby hitting 2 norks with one stone

make weekly timetable showing all available groups and classes

you can go to NCT coffee gettogethers while pregnant so get into those as soon as you are on maternity leave, though be prepared to feel a bit weird. join nct if you can afford it to get into local networks asap.

as soon as you leave any group or event, whip out notebook and write down 1. parent's name 2. child's name 3. any items of memorable info gleaned from chat. then pregnnancy/new mum cheese brain will not win the battle against social life.

after you go back to work consider some form of maintenance such as joining NCT committee or governing body of primary school.

best of luck

oh and get very frontal about inviting people to house, asking for phone numbers etc. grit teeth. i know i sound like crazed loon but i moved to new area when 5 months pregnant and it worked for me.

Funny

I'm glad to hear you think it's a little unreasonable.

We get time off for antenatal appointments but ALL day for an NCT class is taking the mickey a bit.

Classes are definitely a friday (but you guys made me double check though - in case I was ranting unnecessarily)

Choosy

Good thinking. It would feel a bit weird though. Approach it like work

choosy great ideas,(you crazed loon)
silk fwiw antenatal classes do count in terms of taking paid leave same as appointments (but I accept that leave may still be technically impossible!) you can meet people without NCT but it is hard!

ok - if you cannot make the official NCT antenatal lessons... you can still join NCT and ask to put your name for the coffee mornings...

This is a good way for new mums like you living in the same postcode to meet once your babies are born... This gatherings are very informal and small so you will be able to meet some new mummies....

Good luck!

agree with Chelseamum-I didnt make it to any of the NCT ante natal classes,but made some fab friends at NCT Cafe mornings after birth of dd

You are not being unreasonable. I remember when I was pregnant with DD (first child) the midwife laid out the antenatal class schedule. There were 5 classes. The first, third, and fifth classes were mid morning during the week. The second and fourth classes were for mums and dads and they were taught in the evening. How fing sexist is that. The big strong men have important jobs so we'll cater to their schedules. Excuse me I am the one tired, I am the one whose back hurts, I am the pregnant one but oh lets not inconvenience the men? Whe the midwife told me the schedule I looked at her and said "That's sexist" and she looked shocked that I would say such a thing. It is sexist, and I wish I had said a lot more.

I don't think YABU and I'm an NCT committee member! You should feed this back to your local NCT. I know antenatal teachers have to fit classes in around their families but I've never come across one running classes on weekdays in working hours.

Your NCT will probably also run postnatal things. Usually coffee mornings, aimed specifically at pregnant women and mums with small babies. You'll probably meet the same people there who did the antenatal classes. Some branches also run postnatal courses which can be very useful. Also check with your midwife or health visitor if there are any postnatal courses available through them. Our area does First Baby Groups which are perfect for meeting other first time mums. Also try your local pool for baby swimming classes and look out for baby massage. All are things that new mums tend to do with first babies so you'd find lots of other people in the same position. I don't want to over-plug the NCT but your branch will have a newsletter which will advertise lots of these groups and services. You could also check to see if you have a local branch of MAMA (Meet a Mum Association). They're very good, too.

Hope that helps!

I know it's already been said, but you DO have a legal right to the time off work, regardless of how near it is to the start of your mat leave (though I know it can be really difficult to sort out in practice). And unfortunately the same is not true of your dh, because leave for men is up to the discretion of the employer. I've got a similar situation with my NCT classes - the couples day is at a weekend, but the women only day is during the week. Luckily it hasn't been a problem for me to get the time off work, but I can imagine others might have struggled.