Mum has no time for my Kids

[FLOandOLLIE]

Need some opinions.

We live over 4 hours from my mum. We are going down there this weekend to pick children up as they have stayed few days at MIL's. My mum has no room to have them. Anyway said I would meet her Saturday with kids and go to tbe park if weather nice. She said that would be lovely and reminded me she would be going out at 5pm for evening. That was fine but then she messsged to say "probably be best to leave Saturday as im out most days this week and will be too tired if i see you and kids for Saturday evening. I said " what about for an hour then" and she replied: best to leave it till another time". So hurt. She has just had her birthday and we have her present. Kids love seeing her. She isnt bothered. She sees my niece regular now and seems like she's lost interest in my 6 and 8 year old. Just a rant,sorry!!

Very strange for a grandmother to not want to spend time with her GCs. Especially their daughters children. Does she have other GCs.
I had a friend who used to have to pay her mum to mind her dd.
Fancy wanting paying for the company of your GC. I'm sorry but that's odd ball behavior.

your mum doesn't want to see you and your children? Even for an hour.

Very odd. I'd be very hurt.

My bfs parents don't bother with our daughter, 14 months. His mum lives around the corner (1 min drive) and his dad lives about 10 minute drive, they're separated. They don't ask how she is or anything and get all upset when they do finally see her and she doesn't know them. They both went 3 months without seeing her. She cries because they are strangers. We have tried so many times to organise catch ups and they always seem to be busy even though we've found out at time that they were in fact not. We aren't going to push a relationship if the person/people who should be the ones establishing that aren't interested. Like they can't even have us over for 10 min or pop in to our house for 10. It's pathetic. My parents on the other hand are amazing and my daughter absolutely loves them

How often do you usually see her if you live 4hrs away?

If she 'miffed' that the children are staying with your MIL and she is biting her nose off to spite her face? It must have been hurtful to hear that ...... Can you mention it in one of those no blamey ways - I felt that you were blocking all the visiting suggestions for Saturday. We want to visit you and we have a gift for you. The children miss their granny' type of thing.

Ouch that must really really hurt. Sorry no advice, just couldn't read and leave.

Is this a change from before? Maybe something happened?

If she was always like this I would say it is what it is.

But if this is new maybe something is going on.

Is this “normal” for her?

(You have my sympathy, in similar boat with fuckwit ILs)

Also in the same position. My PIL live 10 mins away and we haven’t seen them for nearly 4 months. It’s so sad for our DC .

It's awful, my parents are the same, we're not bothered with me growing up, now their the same with my DC. Think it's best to just leave her to it, certainly not fair on your DC.

Oh my word I apologise for all the duplicate posts, it said my post not successful, please try again!

My in laws have neither asked after nor seen our children since my husbands funeral 9 months ago. Their loss not ours.

Just be honest with her. Tell her you're really disappointed and hurt and so will the kids be

I agree - be honest with her. Explain you are hurt, then see what she says and go from there. It seems strange to not want to see you and your children but also to not even really have a proper excuse.

That’s rubbish OP, I’m sorry. I would be hurt too.

Very disappointing for you.
I imagine they weren't great DPs either.

Hmm, why did she not suggest an alternative day if Saturday was no good for her, rather than just bailing out altogether? Sounds weird to me. Is she hiding something? I'd give her one chance to choose a day for you to visit, and if she bails out of that I'd be telling her how upset you are.

The only somewhat rational explanation would be if you'd made the suggestion last minute and she had already made commitments.

Otherwise YANBU

The children won't actually care until they are older and realise their blood relationship to her. Then they will just shrug their shoulders if they have other adults around her age who have bothered to establish relationships with them.

It's actually your mother who is losing out as when she gets older and probably less mobile they won't take the time out to go and visit her, phone her or even write to her using social media/email.

As an adult if you don't nurture your relationship with children in your family, then when they are able to connect with you independently they won't bother.

"Hmm, why did she not suggest an alternative day if Saturday was no good for her"

OP lives four hours away. Her DM can't ask her to come back on a different day!

Yes that is sad for your children. That must be very hurtful. The only thing I can say is you cannot change her behaviour. You need somehow to come to terms with how she is choosing to be. That is unless you are worried about her. Do be thankful for having what sounds like a fab grandma on your dhs side. What was she like as a parent to you?

How much notice did you give?