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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum has no time for my Kids

90 replies

FLOandOLLIE · 10/04/2019 00:16

Need some opinions.

We live over 4 hours from my mum. We are going down there this weekend to pick children up as they have stayed few days at MIL's. My mum has no room to have them. Anyway said I would meet her Saturday with kids and go to tbe park if weather nice. She said that would be lovely and reminded me she would be going out at 5pm for evening. That was fine but then she messsged to say "probably be best to leave Saturday as im out most days this week and will be too tired if i see you and kids for Saturday evening. I said " what about for an hour then" and she replied: best to leave it till another time". So hurt. She has just had her birthday and we have her present. Kids love seeing her. She isnt bothered. She sees my niece regular now and seems like she's lost interest in my 6 and 8 year old. Just a rant,sorry!!

OP posts:
Original poster
FLOandOLLIE · 10/04/2019 08:20

MIL is about an hour from my Mum. They dont drive.

OP posts:
Original poster
FLOandOLLIE · 10/04/2019 08:21

Yes. Not sure what to do now. Thanks for reading

OP posts:
Sarahandco · 10/04/2019 08:21

Is she upset that you have moved away? (presuming you have moved from home town)

I am not saying she should behave like that of course! but is she trying to be awkward because you do not live around the corner?

Definitely very selfish behaviour in any case. I would be tempted to tell her to get in touch when she can find the time and that you will wait for her to contact you.

BummyKnocker · 10/04/2019 08:22

Controlling step dad - there is your answer. I really feel did you all.

BummyKnocker · 10/04/2019 08:22

Feel for you all...

Original poster
FLOandOLLIE · 10/04/2019 08:23

We try to come down every couple of months.

OP posts:
FookMeFookYou · 10/04/2019 08:24

I'd just turn up to be fair... if DH can go somewhere with the kids for an hour? If it is the stepdad and he is around let's see if he is so controlling to your face. Obvs if the situation could become volatile or he is violent/abusive then don't but otherwise I'd have it out

zen1 · 10/04/2019 08:24

I also wondered if the step-dad has something to do with it, particularly as she was so keen to meet up initially. He could have had a go at her because he didn’t want meeting up with you to affect their evening plans.

Original poster
FLOandOLLIE · 10/04/2019 08:25

Last time i was down ahe opened up to me and said if she could leave she would. Then it all seemed ok. I said their is always a room here for her

OP posts:
lablablab · 10/04/2019 08:25

Be honest. You have nothing to lose.

Call her. Say you're upset and disappointed and wondered if you'd done anything to offend her. Ask her if she's ok, is there anything else going on.

Original poster
FLOandOLLIE · 10/04/2019 08:26

My children would love to stay with her bit she would never have them
Always says she had no room.

OP posts:
Sarahandco · 10/04/2019 08:27

Sorry missed the update about stepfather. There might be some jealousy and if that is the case I would say don't fall out with your mum, she may be under pressure from a jealous partner. I would just drop in for a short visit to give her your present.

Original poster
FLOandOLLIE · 10/04/2019 08:28

Yes im upset. they will wonder why they arent goimg to see her

OP posts:
MissCharleyP · 10/04/2019 08:28

babyspider I also had a friend who paid her mum to look after her child so my friend could return to work. Her mum worked p/t and she offered her mum the same money per week to look after the child as she needed to return to work and her mum couldn’t afford to give up her income either. I actually thought it was a nice, kind thing to do.

ALannisterInDebt · 10/04/2019 08:30

She says your stepdad is controlling and yet she is out with friends every night this week?

I'd be leaving her present in her doorstep and then letting her know how hurt and disappointed you are.

Then leave the ball on her court.

Original poster
FLOandOLLIE · 10/04/2019 08:30

Thats very sad for you.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 10/04/2019 08:30

Last time i was down ahe opened up to me and said if she could leave she would

Obviously something is wrong then and it would appear it’s not because she doesn’t want to see you.

RandomMess · 10/04/2019 08:31

This really could ALL be your stepdad trying to cut contact because he knows you would help your Mum leave.

I would drop by with a bunch of flowers as an excuse to check up on her.

Is the parent of your DN a half or full sibling?

Original poster
FLOandOLLIE · 10/04/2019 08:32

She has done similar before and we didnt talk but then she realised what she had done and was very sorry. Think I will just have to leave her to it and let her come back to me

OP posts:
MissClareRemembers · 10/04/2019 08:35

Have you asked your sister? Does your DM see your niece at your DSis house or at her own house?

Bookworm4 · 10/04/2019 08:35

Controlling husband is obviously the reason if she's went from looking forward to the visit to fobbing you off. Your mum sounds like she needs your help; I would pop round.

howmanyleftfeet · 10/04/2019 08:38

This might not be about you at all.

Your mother is in an unhappy relationship with a controlling man.

She wants to leave.

Abusive men separate their victims from family. You have said you would support your mum to leave by giving her somewhere to run to. (Perhaps he even knows this.)

Controlling men don't suddenly become nice. If she confided in you she wants to leave but can't that's a massive red flag.

Could you suggest that you pop in on her for a cup of tea (or better still, get her out of the house) on your way to pick the DC up so it's just you- and check on her?

howmanyleftfeet · 10/04/2019 08:39

Cross posts book worm!

woollyheart · 10/04/2019 08:40

Maybe just pop by and see her anyway. Say you were worried about her replies as they seemed out of character and you are checking she is ok.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/04/2019 08:40

With the update I'd also be very worried the step dad was behind this. Is there any way she can come up to stay with you for a while?