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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you would expect others to pay for your child?

47 replies

clairemcnam · 05/04/2019 17:41

I am genuinely interested in hearing from those who think in a group situation, the costs for your child/children should be shared between the group. For example, if you go out for a meal with other adults, and think it is fine to split the cost just between the adults? Obviously not talking about a 2 year old who had a tiny bit of food, but older children.

I want to understand your reasoning for this. Why you think it is fair to do this?
Thanks.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/04/2019 17:43

I can’t help you, I’m afraid, because I wouldn’t dream of expecting other people to share the cost of my children’s meals! That would be totally rude and entitled.

fishonabicycle · 05/04/2019 17:44

No! You pay for your own kids!

Todaythiscouldbe · 05/04/2019 17:45

I don't. If 3 of us eat, I pay a share for 3. So, if I go out with family, there are 9 of us, I pay a third or pay for what we've had individually. My choice to have a child, I dont expect others to pay.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 05/04/2019 17:46

I don’t expect it but we do this in my (extended) family. We’re not the only ones with kids though.

waffilyversati1e · 05/04/2019 17:46

It depends. Its just the same as if some diners had a bottle of wine and I hadn't.
Usually we aren't fussed about arguing the toss. The last thing I would want to do after a nice meal with friends is to ruin it by scrutinizing the bill. It all evens out in the end usually.

DinoGreen · 05/04/2019 17:46

Well it depends. If I go out with DH, DS and a childless couple, typically the other couple will be drinking a lot more than us (because DH doesn’t drink and I don’t drink much anymore). So I tend to think it evens out - the cost of one child meal vs a bottle of wine. Equally if I go out with another couple with 2 kids, and ive only got 1, I’d just split the bill - again, it’s not worth getting a calculator out over the cost of one child’s meal which is normally about £6/£7.

However, i appreciate I’m in a lucky enough position to be fairly well off and easily able to afford meals out, if I knew I was going out with people for whom money is more tight, I’d offer to pay more.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/04/2019 17:47

Myself and my friends would do this; because we're (luckily for us, obviously not everyone is in this financial position) at the stage of our lives (40+, own houses etc) where the cost of a kids meal (normally about £6, the same as eg a glass of wine) isn't worth quibbling about.

stucknoue · 05/04/2019 17:47

It depends, if it's children eating off a cheap children's menu and a fruitshoot it's different to teens eating a full meal, multiple soft drinks or a cider, plus if the adults are boozing. Generally I would add the cost of my kids but split the remaining bill between the adults

Pixilicious · 05/04/2019 17:48

My sister always expected meals for her 2DC to be split between the family. They are older teens now so eating adult meals and still expects it. Needless to say that doesn’t happen!

GoodGravy · 05/04/2019 17:48

Nope. We only have one DC and if we go out for a meal as a family with, say, another couple, we would pay 3/5 of the bill.
(DC can eat. He can easily chow through three courses and a soft drink or three )

Original poster
clairemcnam · 05/04/2019 17:48

dinogreen What if you are out with a couple that does not drink alcohol or drinks less than you? Or does that never happen?

OP posts:
NoCardiganWearers · 05/04/2019 17:49

Depends.

Me and my best friend often meet up with my almost 4 year old, and often she'll say to split the bill in half or we take it in turns to pay for all 3 of us but I never expect it and always offer to pay for my DDs meal.

If out with my mum or grandparents, we usually have an agreement before we go out as to whose paying what.

Anyone else I'd expect to pay for my DD unless it's a playdate I've invited them on when I'd expect to pay for both/all DCs.

NewPapaGuinea · 05/04/2019 17:49

Pretty standard to subtract child meals costs (that parent pays for) and then split remainder between adults, if you’re going down that route.

MsTSwift · 05/04/2019 17:50

Omg op you sound absolutely furious. I suggest you never eat out again with those who have pissed you off!

hibbledibble · 05/04/2019 17:51

Fair to expect people to pay the cost of their own children. Not fair to divide by head when children are eating from the kids menu.

MsSquiz · 05/04/2019 17:53

I don't have kids, but if I go out with friends who have kids and we all have lunch, I would usually just split the bill in half to make it easier.

I don't think any of my friends have ever expected it though...

Original poster
clairemcnam · 05/04/2019 17:54

Swift I am bemused by your comment. I am not even slightly irritated never mind angry.

OP posts:
Lovewinemorethanhusband · 05/04/2019 17:55

I always pay for what we've had rather than split the bill especially as I normally have a couple of glasses of wine and the kids have dessert so I'd never expect to just split between adults as I have 2 children 1 who would happily eat an adults meal !

arethereanyleftatall · 05/04/2019 17:56

But so often the cost of a kids meal is the same as a side of veg, a coffee, lamb instead of chicken. We always just spilt a bill, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, meh.

SandunesAndRainclouds · 05/04/2019 17:56

I have 4 DC’s and never expect anyone to pay for them. I do mind paying adult prices for them when they’ve had significantly cheaper children’s meals though.

user1493413286 · 05/04/2019 17:58

I wouldn’t expect it but sometimes when a child has £5 meal and drink you find that people don’t really quibble about the £3-4 they end up putting towards that especially as people’s meals come to different amounts and they have a different number of courses so rather than sit there working it all out you just divide it. However it’s very dependent on budgets, for some people that extra money is really needed somewhere else

DinoGreen · 05/04/2019 17:58

@clairemcnam all my friends seem to drink like fish so no it very rarely happens! If it’s not a bottle of wine then it might be an extra pudding or starter or something, it just very rarely works out that it’s not roughly even. However i’d usually take a quick look at the bill and if I felt it was unfair I’d offer to pay more, I expect my friends would say just split it though. But all our kids are young and eating £6/£7 kids meal deals which usually include a pudding and a drink. Once they’re older and ordering their own starters and mains off the adult menu, I’d ensure the split accounted for them of course.

SoyDora · 05/04/2019 18:02

I don’t ever expect this, however like some PP’s we and our friends are lucky enough to be in a financial position where we don’t quibble about things like this. Just as we wouldn’t quibble if friends had the steak and red wine while we had salad and water. All of us have very young children who don’t eat much.

Original poster
clairemcnam · 05/04/2019 18:03

Fair enough then swift. My DP is teetotal so we nearly always pay more than we would have if we split the bill just between adults, even without kids being there. We do it, but the win some you lose some does not really apply to us.

OP posts:
Zebedee88 · 05/04/2019 18:04

I guess it depends on the situation and who it is to you and your finances. When I go out with my friend and her child , she's 6, we always just split the bill. However, if we go somewhere, like a zoo or something expensive, unless it's cheaper for it to be all together, where we'll then go halves, I will just pay for myself and she'll pay for herself and daughter.