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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask why you would expect others to pay for your child?

47 replies

clairemcnam · 05/04/2019 17:41

I am genuinely interested in hearing from those who think in a group situation, the costs for your child/children should be shared between the group. For example, if you go out for a meal with other adults, and think it is fine to split the cost just between the adults? Obviously not talking about a 2 year old who had a tiny bit of food, but older children.

I want to understand your reasoning for this. Why you think it is fair to do this?
Thanks.

OP posts:

Pyjamaface · 05/04/2019 18:10

We always split the bill between the adults because it's easier. Adult only meals we split evenly as well even if some have had alcohol and some haven't. Holidays are split between adults as well.

It's easier but it probably only works because nobody takes the piss

itsinchicago · 05/04/2019 18:11

I don't drink alcohol so if I'm out for a meal with a big group I tend to just drink the water provided on the table. When the bill comes and we are splitting it, I ask for the alcohol to be taken off then pay my equal share of the food. They can then deduct what I've paid from the total and split the rest between them.
If I can be bothered, that is - it really depends on just how much alcohol everyone else has drunk.

GinTimeAtHome · 05/04/2019 18:14

We always pay for our dc’s meals. Both can eat and I mean eat! It would be unfair on people to pay for mine.

If I take a friends child out (without friends) with us I always pay for that child. If their parents come I expect them to pay.

This is why we always have the discussion before we go out.

No I would be paying for my nearly adult niece to eat.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 05/04/2019 18:15

Most people I know don't quibble about who had a pudding and who didn't , I only had a soft drink but you had a glass of wine, or a £5-£7 children's meal, and often we just take turns so we'll get this one and they get the next for example. If it's people we don't see often and we're splitting we'll just offer to split by household, so fifty fifty, thirds etc. DS is only four months so not eating yet and we have various friends with children, the eldest being eleven and more than capable of eating an adult meal, we always offer to split equally or cover the bill, they will often refuse or insist on covering the child's meal and splitting the rest, but it really doesn't matter to me, but then our friends tend to have one or two children, if they had five or six I'd probably feel differently!

truetosize · 05/04/2019 18:16

My cousin did this. She had three children we had none. She would visit and expect the cost of everything to be split down the middle - her 4 meals/tickets/souvenirs vs our 2 meals/tickets/souvenirs. If her husband came it was 2 vs 5!

I was shocked! I don’t understand why some people do this. She was just as shocked that I said no because I didn’t have kids! (3 MCs.)

We just stopped seeing them in the end. She started telling her kids to ask me for money to spend and I got fed up.

Pinotjo · 05/04/2019 18:16

I don't mind sharing the cost for a child but I tend to always be designated driver and it irritates the f* out of me when I have to share the cost of the alcohol when Iv only had a soft drink

BlackSatinDancer · 05/04/2019 18:32

My family do this. 5 adults and one child so the bill has always been split amongst the adults. The child has always been a total pain when it comes to food. I used to be annoyed at paying for their food because they would never eat and I don't like waste. I felt their parents should have just let them have some of theirs or pay themselves for their child's uneaten food.

Now they are older they eat as much as an adult. Their parents are both high earners so I think they should pay 1/2 of the bill. It isn't the parents who decided how to split the bill though but I still think they should at least offer to pay for their own child's food.

I'm too gutless to say anything about it though as I don't want any hassle so I'll just be happy with moaning about it on here

arethereanyleftatall · 05/04/2019 18:33

I think the op needs to clarify whether she's talking about one of those meal deal type £6 kids meals, or if she is talking about a teenager who eats off the adult menu.

BlueCornishPixie · 05/04/2019 18:41

I wouldn't expect someone else to pay for my DC but generally I wouldn't quibble over paying for half a children's meal.

I guess it depends how often you go out with people. Generally the people I eat out with are either family, who have paid for lots for me over the years so we just split between the adults or close friends, whose children I know really well.

The people i eat with don't take the piss, some drink more alcohol than others but that seems to even out over time with more expensive meals etc.

I would never force someone to pay for me, but I personally don't mind splitting the bill even if it means I am a little out of pocket for that meal.

BlueCornishPixie · 05/04/2019 18:46

Also in a restaurant a coke and a beer are often pretty similar prices! Like 3.50 for a coke, 4.50 for a beer. So in terms of soft drink/alcohol it's not really that extreme. Or a bottle of wine is like 20, someone has two cokes that's £7, you end up paying like an extra pound if you each have two drinks in that situation. So it doesn't actually add up that differently.

I have been pissed off in the past trying to save money by having soft drinks only to reason it saved me very little!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/04/2019 18:51

I wouldn’t expect anyone to pay for my child- even if my LO isn’t there, if I’ve had more to eat or drink I’ll always offer to pay more- it infuriates me when heavy drinkers expect to split the cost of a meal that includes all their alcohol when I’ve had 1 orange juice

Springwalk · 05/04/2019 18:53

We just split the bill with other families, its never an issue. Sometimes their teen son eats the most expensive steak on the menu, I more than make up for it with wine consumption. It evens out

Ironymaiden · 05/04/2019 18:55

I would just pay for myself? I’d keep an eye on what I was ordering, and let’s say if I knew it came to approx £47 I’d leave £50. I certainly wouldn’t pay for someone else’s child or someone else’s drink.

What drives me soft is when I go out with a certain group of (tight) friends, she will always decline to order from the wine list, opting for a soft drink. I tend to order a bottle of wine to myself, but she will always ask for a glass. I have taken to just ordering a glass at a time, or not drinking at all with them.

polarpig · 05/04/2019 18:55

When we got out as a family (me, DBro, 4 children) we split it evenly though only one of the children is DBro's he will drink alcohol whereas I won't so we reckon it evens it out. If we were both drinking alcohol then we'd do it differently.

Squigglesworth · 05/04/2019 19:35

Unless someone has offered to treat the children to a meal, it seems strange that the parents wouldn't automatically pay to feed their own kids.

Then again, I don't understand the appeal of splitting the cost of a meal evenly, to begin with. I think it's preferable to pay individually, unless one person/couple has said they're footing the whole bill.

CherryPavlova · 05/04/2019 19:50

We usually just split by family regardless of age and numbers. The ‘adult adults’ pick up the tab and share per ‘adult adult’ couple. So it’s split per first generation couple regardless of number of adult children, children children or boyfriend/girlfriends.

Obviously older adults such as grandmothers don’t pay.
Not something we’d quibble about and never have.
On holiday we’ve always done a card payment per family for major costs and a kitty for smaller amounts. Regardless of who wants an ice cream, money for a lavatory or to go kayaking etc the money comes out of the kitty. One person has oversight of kitty to ensure nobody is being greedy with our joint monies.
When we did very large New Year holidays we adjusted payment according to size of family and ability to pay. Students would pay less than a headteacher, even if they had a toddler and headteacher didn’t.

InsertFunnyUsername · 05/04/2019 20:00

I dont expect it at all and always insist, But my childless best friend refuses to split it 3 ways (if its just me her and child) and we just go 50/50. Only with her though and certain family members (dad mainly) but again its always on their say so.

But with my friend it does probably even out, if we take her mum or gran out we split it between us 2. So i suppose it depends on your friendship but there is no way i would expect it. Was that the case with you OP? Did someone just assume you would pay?

arethereanyleftatall · 05/04/2019 20:24

This thread has made me realise I have never been out for my dinner with my kids with someone who doesn't have kids. So, when I said earlier we always just split it between the adults, its cos we all have kids.
So, if ever I was in your situation, I would chuck in the extra, yes. (Ignore My above comments,I have with hindsight realised they're not what I would do).

Richmond1972 · 05/04/2019 22:00

my DHs family split meal costs when we go out. His DB used to split the bill between all adults (over 18s), even when his teenage daughter enjoyed a steak or a large desert. No problem, shes our niece. However when we had 2 DC (roughly around her 18th birthday) he suddenly decided children should be paid for and the bill split according to heads at the table and not adults .

YanTanTethera01 · 05/04/2019 22:43

I personally would just split the bill between the adults if the kids are small. I'd expect my friends with older children to throw a bit more into the pot but wouldn't make a fuss about it.

JemSynergy · 06/04/2019 11:25

I will always pay for my children. However, I do have family members who try to split the bill when they have four teenage kids who have gone all out on the menu and then say "oh shall we split the bill?". Err no! Why should I pay for their kids?

PH03b3 · 06/04/2019 11:25

I don't drink our friends we often go out with easily sink 4 or 5 drinks i don't mind splitting a food bill and we don't argue the toss over a few quid im not subsidising somebody drinking though whilst i might have one soft drink.
We would happily just split the bill where a couple of kids meals are concerned

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